Hi - female age 33 - 1 year and 2 months out of benzo's

[[fe...]]

Looking for support as I am struggling very much.

[[ma...]]

Hello fedilio86 Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

You will get plenty of support  from members here.  Congratulations on I year 2 months being benzo free, well done  What withdrawal symptoms are you experiencing?  Withdrawal can be a long journey, hang in there.  Any symptoms you are experiencing are temporary and will resolve eventually, you will come through this!  it does get better.

 

You will find some very valuable support and information on the forum.  Our members are happy to share their personal experiences with you and support you.. Please feel free to browse the boards and post questions to any of the dedicated threads.

 

I would suggest you read The Ashton Manual, reading this will give you a better understanding on why you feel the way you do.  It is a great resource for understanding the effect benzo’s have on our body, It also includes a list of common symptoms 

 

Here are a few helpful links

 

The Ashton Manual. 

 

Post withdrawal recovery support.

 

If you would like to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

 

Welcome aboard

 

Magrita

 

[[fe...]]

Thanks for approving me and your kind message.

 

I will say I have had many symptoms over the past year, some have come and gone, and some have gone for good.......(it seems so)

 

But I really struggle with anxiety over the past few months and it seems to only be increasing ( I suffered anxiety most of my life, but never before to this severe extend)  It's worse now then a month ago, and a month ago it was worse then 2 months ago.......and so on. And I get super easily stressed.......and then I get that symptom which seems to be never ending: like my chest has caved in, my lungs/heart aches and get shortness of breath. Tension around the shoulder, jaw ares also seem to persist forever.

And worst of all: I feel my obsessive personality has exploded......I have always been prone to obessive thoughts but lately it just have reached a staggering high in severity. I have these eye floaters...........Have had them years before benzo's, they irritated me before and I would obsess a bit about them sometimes but rarely for longer then a few weeks......BUT NOW.......they seem worse, and it just seems a neverending obsession......I notice them everywhere and always. It's driving me mental and no methods I have learned from therapy or meditation work. Not even my daily gentle yoga practise work that well anymore...........No activities take my mind of it anymore.

 

I constantly feel braindamaged. I feel my brain is my enemy now.......I feel completely utterly without control of my mind. I am like taken over by a dark power which has complete control over me and I can only watch this monster push me closer to the edge (kicking and screaming to spare my life) every week,  and there seems NOTHING I can do about it......

 

I fear I will be dead in a few months..............cause I can't survive this if things just keep getting worse and worse.

 

There is one thing I have to mention though.......I am still on antidepressants (i was put on these around the same time as benzo's about 1½-2 years ago) and I fear mirtazapine (which I take) is causing some of these symptoms I have, but if that's the case......then I don't know WHAT THE HELL I'm gonna do I tried doing a slow taper but I quickly spirraled down the darkest hole ever and I have no doubt that I would try to take my own life.......I don't have much support in my life, only very few people who don't really understand me much. I can't taper of cause I really truly fear I will loose my life over it.

 

It's just a mess........I don't understand why I get worse and why I am feeling so bad so long after I finished my benzo taper. I was only on them a litlle over a year in total (Oxazepam 15-30 mg)

 

Is there really hope for me?

[[Pa...]]

Hello fedilio86,

 

I'm so sorry to hear you're still suffering, especially the depression, I know how dark things can get.  Can I ask you what benzo you took, how long you took it and how long your taper was, I'm assuming you did taper it?  This information might help us figure out why you're still having withdrawal symptoms, at least they sound like them to me.  The obsessive thoughts and feeling out of control are things I struggled with while I was healing. 

 

If you can, please provide a signature about your experience, that way we can try to figure out what your timeline for healing might be.  It took me around 14 months to feel like myself again, so have hope you'll soon feel that way too.  Here is a link to help you with a signature. Add a signature 

 

I don't have experience with Mirtazapine, but if you'll look on the Other Medications board, you may find answers there.

 

Pamster

[[fe...]]

I added my signature now.

 

I was on Oxazepam 15-30 mg about 10 months. The first months I only took 15 mg. a day, It was then raised to 30 mg a day for some months and in the last few months before I started tapering it was reduced to 15 mg. a day again.

 

Started taper february 2018......took me about 6½ months. I used water titration method and only tapered of 5% at a time and I took breaks in between of about 10-14 days. before reducing further.

 

Finished my taper august 15th 2018