Thought I was home......only to be smashed again

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z

[[Ma...]]

Congrats to your first (even if it was only a short) period of feeling normal again!

Do not give up yet! The body needs time to rest after the activity, you know. Many of us have had similar experiences. I am just happy for you that you could enjoy. Do not waste time to be angry, be kind to yourself. 12 months post jump is a lot! You and your body have made an excellent job! For me the first 24 months were so hard, this kind of chemical depression and panic... well i never had this again. At the beginning my body was regulating like an old train, some days great, some horrible, then some months without any change, then again 2 days with lots of energy - a rollercoaster...

Celebrate your first longer window, if you can and keep the good spirit in your mind for the next days

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Thanks for your positive words Marigold. I think because I've now experienced such a high, the low is just that much harder to contend with. Don't get me wrong I'm absolutely grateful for those 8 days but I really had thought I was home. I'm starting a new job in a months time which carries a huge amount of expectation from the company so I need to be in a good frame of mind. I've worked full time thru this entire experience in a well paid job which has been critical as I'm the sole bread winner in the family, providing for my wife and two kids. I've been very lucky though as I have essentially been left to my own devices and have been able to hide my suffering. Unfortunately my boss sold his business and I have had to interview under extreme stress and anxiety for another company. To say that I'm worried for my family's future is now an understatement. My fingers are firmly crossed I re enter a window soon.

However I understand my story isn't unique and we all face our own challenges and suffering. I wish everyone reading this all the very best in their recovery 👍

 

Well, it certainly makes sense! You are under a huge amount of stress. I don't know if it is a fact or not, but it makes sense that stress causes the reemergence or strengthening of symptoms.

 

I think you are going to handle it fine. It isn't going to be pleasant. None of this experience it, but you will pull it off.

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Thanks so much for Ur positive reinforcement 😀

You may be right however during my window I was nothing but eager, keen and excited for the new opportunity. Talk about feeling bipolar. I hope everything is tracking up on Ur recovery thinkstopthink ✌️

 

You just said something that I said to another member of the forum! I totally feel bi-polar. He told me that he would journal in the morning then again at night when he first started going through withdrawals. On looking back at his journal, he said "It is like looking at the writing of two different people."

 

This drug causes the most baffling shit to happen to your brain...

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Take that week of heaven and tuck it away Duck. Take it out and admire it when the going is rough. You will get to the point that is your NORMAL. This shit will be GONE. Just thinking about that makes me feel better and gives me hope.

 

I have a suspicion that the upcoming job change is contributing to your current state. I’ve had similar situations and experiences, it’s anticipatory anxiety from hell. I can tell you once I did it, and conquered it, I felt 10x better.

 

I also have two young kids, the source of my greatest joy and greatest stress lol. Shit is really rough with that, it’s a whole other added layer of guilt, shame, and inadequacy when your going through this and other humans are depending on you for so much.

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I'm right where you are at a little over twelve months out! I had a nice short lived window for three weeks mid July through early August only to ultimately have the wheels fall off once again. My journal entries during the afformentioned time period reflect a completely different person mind, body, and soul.