Hi, I need help

[[th...]]

  I used to belong to this website a long while ago. I tried to get off of benzos once around ten years ago. I made mistake after mistake after mistake and then foolishly returned to them around five years ago. I started taking them around 19 years ago, and also used alcohol and experimented with and abused a variety of drugs while I was taking them the first time. Now I take alcohol occasionally, which makes things worse, and am attempting to get off off around 30 mgs of valium a day with a Doctor who knows about the pills.

 

I have Agoraphobia, am just down to staring at my computer every day irritating myself with twitter or youtube in between trying to listen to meditations. Every time I think I'm better I do something that sets me back. On top of that I live with my mother am 39 and have no friends and little education. I am starting to get desperate and really don't want to wait two years or whatever to get better again.

 

When I started this I was a kid and felt I could fight this but now I just have a lack of concern about being ashamed to ask for help. I want friends, a life, a wife, a job, kids, intimacy the ability to sit and chill without immediately tensing up and worrying about my breath and leaping from one bad thought to the next.

 

I should also mention I have had epilepsy and have compulsive thoughts and wild emotions. I have bad PTSD that I've never addressed from a situation I'd rather not get into, that's added to my fears.

 

Is here the place I should be? Is a temporary mental hospital that doesn't remove me from my pills? Is it just talk therapy? I've tried at home Cognitive behavioral therapy books and get lazy and afraid when it comes time to do the work and I get overwhelmed with tiredness.

[[ma...]]

Hello thesunlitlands Welcome to Benzobuddies!

 

I am glad you decided to re-join the forum, we have a great community here.  Its good  that you are tapering with your doctors support, this is essential if you suffer from epilepsy or a seizure disorder.     Any withdrawal symptoms you experience are temporary.  I was agoraphobic, I know how tough this journey is, but you will come through it, and with the help of your doctor… you will get your life back.  Be careful with alcohol, I would try and avoid it, alcohol and benzos can be a lethal mix. 

 

The rule of thumb is to reduce the daily dose by somewhere between 5% and 10% every 10 - 14 days.  Many need to go much slower than this, the aim is to try to keep any symptoms manageable.  You will find some very valuable support and information on the forum.  Please feel free to browse the boards and post questions to any of the dedicated threads.

 

I would suggest that you familiarise yourself with the Ashton Manual, It is a great resource for understanding the effect benzo’s have on our body.  It provides tapering and withdrawal information and includes a list of common symptoms 

 

I'll leave you a few links:

 

The Ashton Manual. 

Withdrawal Support

General Taper Plans

 

Please take time to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

 

Welcome aboard

Magrita

 

[[th...]]

TY for replying. I'm acquainted to a degree with the Ashton manual but my current reading comprehension and ability to absorb information is not great. I wrote my signature. The five year protracted withdrawal would have worked but I kept getting into incredibly unlucky situations and unforced errors, like for instance I drank anisette during thanksgiving and couldn't leave my bed for two months, set me back a year. I was getting way better and then thought it would be a great idea to take an over the counter natural drug. It wasn't.  Kidney stones that caused me to get a catheter because I couldn't urinate after surgery and was dry heaving the emergency room, and took a few pills for that. I started drinking wine heavily at the end so I don't want anyone to think my five years protracted was normal. I am an unusually careless and strangely unlucky person. The luck stories I have are discouraging so I'd rather not fill anyone's head with them. At least I have been unlucky in small instances where I was getting better over and over. I hope that changes. I'm very lucky in the sense that I'm alive and have a chance.

[[Pa...]]

Hi thesunlitlands,

 

It sounds like you've been living through some horrific life events and you've suffered greatly, but I see hope and gratitude in your words.  You're welcome here, we have many members who came to be on benzo's because of severe trauma in their lives, only to have the benzo make everything worse when they became tolerant to it.  Getting off the drug means getting hit with the original trauma once again but its compounded by horrible withdrawal symptoms, I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

Please look around and find people who you can relate to, perhaps this will help you as you consider what to do next. 

 

Pamster