Derealization

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I'm still experiencing derealization at 18 months off. I got a new job and moved to my hometown in August. Whenever I'm at work, I keep thinking there is no way I work here and I never actually left my old job. Also, I think there is no way my wife and live in this  new house now. We never left our old house. I get flashes of this with memories all day or feelings that I had no life before withdrawal. I think about the fact that I taught English for nine years and it's like it never happened or any of the people I met during that time aren't real. Does anybody experience this?

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Oh yes.  I had this A LOT.  I actually had most of my dp/dr BEFORE I was experiencing any anger issues.  It's exactly like you describe.  I read the book, "Replay" by Ken Grimwood during this time, and it was surreal how much the book tapped into my dp/dr feelings.  Not sure if reading the book would help you, but I feel like it helped me realize I wasn't alone with these feelings. 

 

I think that benzos mess with our memories a lot and for me, I remember feeling that things were being categorized by my brain.  Like something that happened a long time ago, felt like it happened yesterday and vice versa.  I also have often felt like some people were not real, or at least not as real as others.  When we first moved into the house that we live in now, for a short bit, I was thinking that this whole town including the people we bought the house from, were actually dead and were ghosts now.  Weird, right?  I don't even really believe in ghosts or at least I don't give them much thought. 

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Wow you have done a lot  positive things you found new job moved to home  town all this under spell  bdw please list some more  postive things you did past 18 months.

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GreenCup, has this passed for you or faded a little bit? I've had it basically the whole time before the anger really kicked in. I sometimes look at my wife and think we haven't been together for ten years or that my daughter isn't real at all and we never had her. It's very disturbing. So I guess I know what you mean about some people seeming less real than others.

 

bluepm. It doesn't matter how much I've accomplished or what I've done that's positive, I still feel bad all the time. I've completed three master's level classes while going through this, maintained a job in education (going from an English teacher to a Librarian), had a successful job interview, sold a house and made a huge profit and bought another house, continued to work on my business with my friend, and released an album (to little fanfare). I've maintained most of my relationships as well. To me I look at this way. If you are stuck with the flu, you never really stop thinking about the fact that you feel bad no matter how you distract and no matter what is positive in your life.

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Ok every time you feel bad repeat all the postive things you accomplish in your life.

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GreenCup Has your anger resolved?  How long did it last? Did you find anything helps?

My DP has been constant with brain fog for 7 months. I came off Prozac too a month ago and thats when my bouts of anger got really bad. It was bad with every cut.

I seriously cut out most sugar, salt and processed food from my diet the past couple days and that has made things slightly more bearable. Symptoms very slightly lifted.

[[Gr...]]

My anger has not resolved completely but it is much better.  I've been working on trying to calm myself and coping strategies.  It's still very challenging. 

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Green cup what coping strategies do use?

[[Gr...]]

Well I've been following this program to "conquer anxiety".  I was desperate and skeptical but it actually has helped me so much.  I use breathing exercises a lot.  I have now gotten to a point where I can calm myself and observe thoughts, not every time I get angry or anxious, but say about half the time.  It helps so much.  It's kind of a being mindful and present that you do on purpose when you get angry or anxious. 

 

Honestly, I used to hear people say things like, "Listen to your thoughts.", and I would just think I was not really having any thoughts.  I realize now that the benzos induced some sort of weird state where even though I was calm, I was completely unable to hear my own thoughts.  It was as if they were muted for years and years and when I did hear them on the rare occasion, they would scare me, and I never took heed. 

 

So I can finally hear my thoughts, and all their weirdness.  LOL.  But I'm learning to accept them and not react to every thing.  Or at least trying.   

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Well I've been following this program to "conquer anxiety".  I was desperate and skeptical but it actually has helped me so much.  I use breathing exercises a lot.  I have now gotten to a point where I can calm myself and observe thoughts, not every time I get angry or anxious, but say about half the time.  It helps so much.  It's kind of a being mindful and present that you do on purpose when you get angry or anxious. 

 

Honestly, I used to hear people say things like, "Listen to your thoughts.", and I would just think I was not really having any thoughts.  I realize now that the benzos induced some sort of weird state where even though I was calm, I was completely unable to hear my own thoughts.  It was as if they were muted for years and years and when I did hear them on the rare occasion, they would scare me, and I never took heed. 

 

So I can finally hear my thoughts, and all their weirdness.  LOL.  But I'm learning to accept them and not react to every thing.  Or at least trying. 

 

What program?

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GreenCup Thanks for the feedback. I did mindfulness therapy years ago so I'm familiar with that. That is a good idea to try to practice that when angry. Its hard because I have such bad brain fog to even think I find myself talking a lot these days or worse yelling and not really thinking.

[[Gr...]]

thinkstopsthink- The program I followed was by a guy named Khail Kapp.  You can search him up on the internet, he offers some groups for free.  I think there's probably others like him but he was the first I tried and it seems to work for me.

 

Yes, sunlit, it's SO HARD to do mindfulness when your brain already is not working well.