Terrible waves for the past 6 months (4 years off)

[[de...]]

I was in a very stressful job situation. Many regular life factors like work, money, etc were exhausting me. I was exercising excessively too to try to manage the stress. All of my symptoms never went away although were "better" in the past year. However during this period everything got worse. I'm back at square one it feels like.

 

I was on benzos for about a year at a slightly above average dose of clonazepam.

 

I CAN sleep, but its never ever restful. I experience super vivid dreams every night no matter what. I wake up with instant anxiety and depression brought upon by this exhausted and burnt out CNS. Joint pain, extremely tense muscles, shakiness, and twitching are all there every morning. Muscles in my face and throughout my head, interior and exterior, are ALWAYS squeezing tight. It makes me eyes feel like they're bulging constantly. My gums squeeze, my teeth feel like they're going inward, my ears ring along with my ear canals being tight and causing often somewhat muffled hearing.

 

If I'm excessively exhausted one day then I'll have prickling pins and needles all throughout my body. It's especially painful if I get startled or acutely stressed.

 

I'm always inside my own head with my thoughts. My mind is constantly racing about "am I going to feel good later?" Or "how am I going to feel an hour from now?" And the especially intrusive one "is this ever going to end?" 24/7 my mind thinks about how am I feeling at this very moment and how am I going to feel 5 min from now, 20 min from now, 1 hour from now, 12 hours, 1 week, 2 months, 6 months, etc. That last part is driving me crazy. I've never had that type of mental state until this benzo nightmare. It's making me want to go to Mayo clinic to see if I have something else going on (I have a history of concussions from sports, I'm only 27. And I have Hashimoto's disease)

 

I'm thinking about seeing a therapist. I've never seen one. But my mental state is terrible now. I'm wondering if my current mental activity is just making me worse. Would a therapist even be beneficial in trying to help me cope? Would they understand that my anxiety and depression were onset by the traumatic experience that is benzos?

 

 

Also, the excessive exercise part, I tolerated heavy weight lifting about a year and a half out. Now I feel extra fatigued each time I weight lift and it flares up the symptoms. Anyone think I need to just do very light cardio instead?

[[BG...]]

I've been off klonopin for 4 and a half years and am also going through a terrible wave now. My wave was brought on by work-related stress and withdrawing from a beta blocker (I was recently diagnosed with a congenital heart condition), which has been dreadful.

 

I'm currently undergoing CBT but it has only helped me a little thus far. However, I suffer from panic disorder and, at least for me, it has been slow going treating it. CBT takes time, though, so I am still positive that I will eventually see things in a different, far more positive light. I see no reason that you couldn't at least try therapy though, even if it ultimately doesn't pan out. The first therapist I saw wasn't who I needed, but the doctor I have now is very sharp. It's tough to go through this without professional help. That's my take on it, anyway.

 

Do you take any medication for Hashimoto's? My mom has this condition and is on Synthroid, or something akin to it, which I think contributes to her insomnia. But I see that you can actually sleep, as can I, but it's not restful sleep. Have you undergone a sleep study?

 

Also, have you tried working out with a partner? It's far more difficult to stay inside your own head with someone else there. At least it is for me. I mostly walk nowadays since I am still apprehensive to really push myself physically knowing that I have a heart issue. And walking is a nice way to notice the world, really. Good luck to you.

[[Be...]]

I sought out a therapist as my family didn't know what to make of all this.  I saw a therapist for about 1 year.  He didn't really help much. 

 

When I began therapy, he had me talk to a psychiatrist in his office for his opinion about the benzos.  The psychiatrist said there was NO way I could be sick from taking such a small amount  of xanax (of course he was wrong).  Read my signature for my usage.  He said he never heard of such a thing and he prescribes benzos every day.

 

During my therapy I took my therapist many printed articles about benzo's from the internet.  I think I was able to convince the therapist along the way about benzos.  He did try to help me by talking through my real world anxieties and instructing me on CBT. 

 

A therapist cannot help with the Benzo wd, but can help if you are not coping well with daily stress.  There are many out there.  I don't think mine was the best.  The trick is finding a good one.  Be prepared to find that they are uneducated about benzos.  Plan to take supporting documentation.  The articles from Dr. Huff were useful.

[[Mi...]]

I'm sorry to hear about the waves after 4 years off!!  I'm at 13 months and I'm in a wave right now.  I feel like I'm at day one again (in some ways).  The despair and hopelessness is the thing that really kicks us while we are down I think.  Although you may have had months and months of feeling "normal" it only takes a wave to bring you back to the beginning all over again.  I think benzos cause permanent brain damage for some of us and that some of us may only heal 90%.  So there may always be that 10% of damage that we suffer with from time to time.  Maybe that's where you are now.  Maybe at 8 years, or 10 you'll be totally healed?  Maybe it takes 12 or 15 years, who knows, but I feel that you will be totally better again one day.  Look at it this way, feeling good for months and years is a positive thing, even if you have some months of hell from time to time.  Hang in there!

[[de...]]

I've been off klonopin for 4 and a half years and am also going through a terrible wave now. My wave was brought on by work-related stress and withdrawing from a beta blocker (I was recently diagnosed with a congenital heart condition), which has been dreadful.

 

I'm currently undergoing CBT but it has only helped me a little thus far. However, I suffer from panic disorder and, at least for me, it has been slow going treating it. CBT takes time, though, so I am still positive that I will eventually see things in a different, far more positive light. I see no reason that you couldn't at least try therapy though, even if it ultimately doesn't pan out. The first therapist I saw wasn't who I needed, but the doctor I have now is very sharp. It's tough to go through this without professional help. That's my take on it, anyway.

 

Do you take any medication for Hashimoto's? My mom has this condition and is on Synthroid, or something akin to it, which I think contributes to her insomnia. But I see that you can actually sleep, as can I, but it's not restful sleep. Have you undergone a sleep study?

 

Also, have you tried working out with a partner? It's far more difficult to stay inside your own head with someone else there. At least it is for me. I mostly walk nowadays since I am still apprehensive to really push myself physically knowing that I have a heart issue. And walking is a nice way to notice the world, really. Good luck to you.

 

I take Levothyroxine, generic for Synthroid yeah. I've examined going the natural route through Armour - T3 and T4 in a pill. Levo is synthetic hormone and only T4. Many controversial opinions about Levo because of that. I've been on it since I was 8 years old. Almost 20 years. 175mcg currently.

 

I'm not sure a sleep study is necessary though. I slept normally pre benzos. Post benzos the sleep eventually came back, but it's very sensitive. A bad day can make the sleep useless or non existent. The sleep study may find something, but I'm not sure how they could fix that. Many of us post benzo or during withdrawal will have restless sleep. Just how long is the question.

[[de...]]

I sought out a therapist as my family didn't know what to make of all this.  I saw a therapist for about 1 year.  He didn't really help much. 

 

When I began therapy, he had me talk to a psychiatrist in his office for his opinion about the benzos.  The psychiatrist said there was NO way I could be sick from taking such a small amount  of xanax (of course he was wrong).  Read my signature for my usage.  He said he never heard of such a thing and he prescribes benzos every day.

 

During my therapy I took my therapist many printed articles about benzo's from the internet.  I think I was able to convince the therapist along the way about benzos.  He did try to help me by talking through my real world anxieties and instructing me on CBT. 

 

A therapist cannot help with the Benzo wd, but can help if you are not coping well with daily stress.  There are many out there.  I don't think mine was the best.  The trick is finding a good one.  Be prepared to find that they are uneducated about benzos.  Plan to take supporting documentation.  The articles from Dr. Huff were useful.

 

Basically that's what I'm looking for in a therapist. A way to cope mentally. I've already came to the conclusion that I have to heal from the benzos alone still. Just wondering if the anxiety was caused by benzos screwing up my brain chemistry, is it possible to adjust that being that benzos were the source?

[[BG...]]

A sleep study would rule out apnea or some heart-related issues that can impact sleep. I had one a while back & although I have a heart issue, it doesn’t seem to impact my sleep.

 

You have been on thyroid hormone for quite a while. I know it usually takes a lot of adjusting to get the dosages right. But you’re likely an expert in that regard by now.

 

The more I ponder benzo withdrawal/post-withdrawal the more I think it’s autoimmune related. So many of the symptoms we experience aren’t typical neurological ailments but almost lupus like. & yet I’ve seen where other benzo buddies have visited rheumatologists or immunologists & come away empty-handed. It’s like a phantom disease or something.