I need some support or advice

[[su...]]

 

 

I'm only 7 months off benzos and a month off Prozac. I've felt numb and completely disconnected from the world. I'm emotionally numb to all of my loved ones. I have depression, rage, serious brain fog. I told my brother I'm feeling suicidal and it got back to my doctor. I've been so angry ever since I started tapering off Prozac I've had fits of rage I'm embarrassed to say. My doctor ended up getting contacted by my brother and she is not convinced this is benzo w/d and says it could be an underlaying mood disorder which its been questioned if I had in the past. There may be some of that but I've never felt this way in my life.

 

I have bad brain fog. I can't connect to my true self. My doctor says at 7 months I should be feeling better by now not worse. I just got taken off Prozac too because all it did was make me gain 40 pounds. I'm still on a third medication. I have no idea how that might be interfering with my w/d and brain since I've been on it since I started the benzo. Now she wants to possibly put me on a mood stabilizer which will make me 300 pounds and wreck my body. She's not doing it right away but she wants me to go to a psych day program. It's like getting up and going to a job all day. I don't know if I will end up not being able to drive home as I can only really function early in the day. I will have to wake up super early and walk my dog as she needs a 30 min walk and we don't have a yard. I really don't want to fall apart in the day programs and end up hospitalized and on more drugs. I feel cornered. I may be able to get there but I seriously don't know if I will be able to drive myself home.

 

Never mind I've been going to therapy this whole time and dealing with childhood trauma really for the first time with my brain this out of it so thats all I can focus on making my anger worse at times. That is the source of much of my anger. Going to a program all day where I focus on it will make my brain fixate on it even more. I'm in no state of mind to really be healing my trauma.

 

I don't know what I'm looking for here except support or ideas. Should I just put my foot down and say "no". I really don't know if my third medication is making things worse but this can't just be a mood disorder and the medications have left my body as my doctor says and I should be feeling better. I'm literally right now sweating thru the roof, not normal because I ate some non sugar lunch. I feel completely spacey like I have been effected by drugs as always. Serious brain fog. Detachment from the world. Feel like my brain and thoughts are locked in a box which I can't see out of. There is no way this is a normal brain thats having a mood disorder.

 

I feel so alone. I know this drug damaged my brain. I'm very sensitive to drugs. I can't handle on inhale of pot or one sip of liquor. I feel like my life is over because of the way my brain feels and now they are gonna tell me its just me and mess with my body even more.

 

I don't know what I'm looking for here. Just any support. This website has helped me a ton because these symptoms started during w/d to the point I was rocking and shaking in bed all day in acute and then evened out to this state of being for 7 months. Its been 7 long months and now I'm scared things will get worse because I reached out and told the truth of how bad I feel.

[[Di...]]

I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time...

 

I can say the Benzo's plays hell in almost arena physically and I have read frequently how many times people have been misdiagnosed with diseases when it's been Benzo withdrawal all along. 

 

I'm not sure why Dr's keep shoving MEDS down our throats.  I've been trying to get some CBT treatment going and it's taking weeks, but by God..they will give me a new "med to try".    I have weaned and stopped of all the meds they have tried on me the last 2 weeks (Seroquel - HORRID, AD-Impiramene)..and am on Day 3 of no meds.    I was having so many symptoms on them and  finally thought that why stay on them if they really aren't making things truly better??    I think for me at least, it probably is better to have no meds and deal with the symptoms then worry and wonder if your issues are CAUSED by the meds. 

 

Is it better?  In some ways yes, because now my brain can heal unhindered and I am wanting to get back where I was a month ago in healing.    My brother keeps saying, you can't heal from a pill, with a pill and I think he's truly right.

 

Be safe though and be sure to wean effectively on your meds and understand you'll be a bit raw. (Anxiety is rough for me...and the Benzo flu, which I get 2 to 3 times a day (can't take Tylenol either).

 

Hang in there....

[[Ta...]]

Sunlit,

 

I am sorry you are going through this and I wish to give you whatever support I can. I completely identify and have been through it, too. The anger, the brain fog, all of it. I Tapered off multiple drugs and it took years and it was tough but nothing was as brutal as the benzo withdrawal. You cannot underestimate the physical & emotional chaos that going off more than psych drug can cause. But it will get better as you take the time to stabilize. Breathe through this.

 

I like what Diane's brother said (paraphrasing) "you cannot heal damage from a pill with another pill."

 

In my opinion, your body and brain is in the serious throes of adjustment. You are still in the beginning stages of regulating. You are only a month of Prozac and seven months off a benzo. Of course, you are dealing with all types of withdrawal symptoms. It will cause emotional irregularity. It is completely normal!

 

Personally, I would not go on more meds (drugs!). Not right now, while your body is trying to regulate; as this takes time. If it were me, I would put my foot down and say NO. Its so hard when we are looking for help from others, anyone, and feel so vulnerable. We are vulnerable! Your doctor and brother have shown they are not truly qualified or experienced or to guide through this unique experience. Stay true to you and the wisdom you have gleaned from here. Hopefully, your doctor will work with you on this.

 

I got much worse after acute withdrawal. I thought that nothing could get worse after months of acute. But the psychological symptoms/mental symptoms DID get worse and I felt ever-increasing dementia-like symptoms. So, in contrast to your doctor's opinion, these symptoms CAN get worse. Its just part of the body's process of healing in all its non-linear non-sensical glory. I am slowing coming out of it and I have gotten much better.

 

I cannot believe all the chaos my body and brain has been put through over the the last two years but I am so glad I didn't go on any more meds during it. I would not take anything, especially marijuana or alcohol as that affects your GABA receptors- though I understand the desire to do so.

 

I believe wholeheartedly it slows healing.

 

As for therapy, I believe your CNS is simply too sensitive for therapy. it is too much to dig into deep emotional issues while you are going through this.

I consulted 3 therapists myself thinking it could help me deal with all the crap that BWD was bringing up and they all told me "not right now." It's just too much for our sensitive nervous systems. They might help as a sounding board or help with coping tools, though, but I would not go deep into reliving past trauma.

 

As you start to feel more stable you might great relief from therapy, but now it will prove to be too much.

 

You are in fight or flight mode right now, just try to do things to distract, to calm yourself down, to nurture and love yourself. You are loved and you will get through this!

 

Sending love your way Sunlit!

 

 

[[un...]]

Sorry for all that you are going through, Sunlit. I can identify pretty-much with your situation. It's unfortunate that your MD is dismissive about the cause and length of your WD symptoms. Not sure how long you were tapering off Prozac, but in my case (although it was easier than benzo tapering) it took about 4 - 6 weeks for me. I know that when I tried to taper off of it too quickly, I ended up with the same symptoms as you had described and it was awful. Perhaps you might need to seek out another MD or preferably a psychiatrist who could offer better guidance.

 

Hoping it will get better for you.

[[su...]]

Thank You so much guys!

Seriously going to a day psych program to rebuilt my life sound like paradise to me. My brother is even like there is good free coffee and cereal. If only. I can barely ingest either of those things without a spike in symptoms. Its hard being able to sit here and do nothing but I think thats all I can do. I'm worried now my doctor and therapist will drop me because they are so insistent I need further help.

Thanks for reminding me to trust my body. I would have already sat there all day in this state in w/d. I'm seriously afraid I would start hallucinating as my vision gets so messed up if out or I would start throwing up. I know the stress of even one day would cause a spike in symptoms. I literally don't think I could do it day after day all week. Especially having to get at like 5 am to walk my dog and mess my sleep up. I seriously have to fight minute to minute to survive each day right now. To have to fight against everyone while suffering makes it even worse.

This is a very hard time and lonely experience. These boards and reminders we are all going thru this is seriously saving my life.

Thank You again. 

I'm sorry you guys are suffering too. I have faith we can heal with time.

[[su...]]

Just found this in the Aston manual. No wonder I feel angry and suicidal since quitting Prozac on top of Benzos.

"Aggressive disorders are also associated with low serotonin activity (among other factors) and the appearance of anger and irritability during benzodiazepine withdrawal may involve similar mechanisms as depression. "

[[th...]]

Just found this in the Aston manual. No wonder I feel angry and suicidal since quitting Prozac on top of Benzos.

"Aggressive disorders are also associated with low serotonin activity (among other factors) and the appearance of anger and irritability during benzodiazepine withdrawal may involve similar mechanisms as depression. "

 

Oh yeah. I've had some periods of complete rage. Have you figured out any methods for coping with the anger? Exercise helps me, but not as much as I'd like. Maybe I just need to exercise more...

[[su...]]

thinkstopthink I literally want to exercise so bad. When I was much earlier on prob like month 3 after I quit I tried and it was like torture the whole time because I never felt any normal adrenaline surge and then I was just moody afterwards. Since it made me moody and my anger now has been so bad at times I'm scared.

I did go for a walk once recently and was just like this ball of anger walking down the road but afterwards for a few hours I felt the closest to a long window I have felt since coming off.

The weather was nice that day. I'm hoping as it gets cooler I can try that more. I'm scared to hit the gym yet even though part my body feels gross and wants to run.

 

I have not found methods of coping with anger and I find it the worst symptom. I know too much coffee or sugar will bring it on so I have to watch my intake.

[[Ta...]]

Just found this in the Aston manual. No wonder I feel angry and suicidal since quitting Prozac on top of Benzos.

"Aggressive disorders are also associated with low serotonin activity (among other factors) and the appearance of anger and irritability during benzodiazepine withdrawal may involve similar mechanisms as depression. "

 

This actually makes a lot of sense to me, too, and I think it explains a lot of my anger issues since I went off anti-depressants, mood stabilizers and lastly, the benzo. Low serotonin. But I will say that it all levels out in time. I don't feel the surge in anger at trivial things anymore. The neurotransmitter activity just needs time to regulate.

 

Hang in there, Sunlit. Distract yourself as much as possible to get through this. I did everything I could to get through every torturous minute. And eventually you will get some length of time strung together and you will start noticing improvements. The best part is you will be completely free of these drugs!