Mike from WV

[[mi...]]

Hi there,

 

Currently 16 days off of benzos. I was prescribed Ativan for 2 weeks(1-2mg daily) and Xanax XR for 1 week(1mg 2x day). I went cold turkey, as ER said I didnt need taper.

 

Life event(forced job resignation as an engineer, then my autoimmune disease flaired up, myasthenia gravis, which I havent had symptoms for in years).That was 8 weeks ago. Im over both of those and MG is not bothering me much.

 

I also had 2 ER visits for panic attacks(ER never helped much).

 

I know I only took the benzos for 3 total weeks, glad I quit, but probably should have had a taper. None the less, I am getting sleep but not much(1-5 hours a night this past week).

 

My mood is all over the place. I woke up in all out rage this morning, yelling, for no reason. At 10am, it subsited and I was able to get it together to goto gym. The littlest things can set me off right now. I love watching football, but its too much for me.

 

I almost lost my family, still may. I had to uproot myself from home and come live at my fathers(300 miles away) for now. I have a 4.5 yr old son and it pains me every minute I am gone.  He cannot see me like this, and I understand why I am not there. My wife is encouraging at this point.

 

 

I am under the care of a neurologist who has me on both propranolol and trazodone. The propranolol does not let my heart race. Thats about all I feel from it now and my heart seems to flutter? at times, instead of race. The trazodone is tricky. you have to be tired and calm for it to put you to sleep. if you miss the window where it gives you a push to fall asleep, its gone.

 

I have used ativan and xanax in the past and stopped the effectively. Most recently 5 years ago. This time is way worse. I probably never knew I was in withdrawal and just kept going then, but this time the trouble sleeping is the worst. It dictates how my following day will be. I got 4-5 hrs last night of sleep and would say I am borderline functional today.

 

When I feel the worst, the walls close in and I feel horrible. Looking to see how people fair with both the trazodone and propranolol. I am not sure they both helping like i need.

 

Also I feel terrible that everyone goes thru what they do with this. This was prescribed by my doctor. I cannot believe this medication is legal to prescribe, it is poison.

 

Thanks in advance, I hope everyone is on a good "wave"

 

Mike

 

 

 

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hello mikeyWVU,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies! I'm sorry about the life situations that let you to be prescribed benzos. You were only on them for 3 weeks, but people who are more sensitive can feel withdrawal after that short period of time.  Additionally, you mention you've taken benzos in the past, perhaps not having trouble coming off them.  Subsequent withdrawals from benzos can be more challenging.

 

16 days is still early but I do think you will start to feel better soon.  Sleep is tricky during withdrawal. I didn't sleep for two weeks after I jumped off. After that my sleep started to normalize.

 

We have a dedicated board relating to insomnia, I'll give you a link to that board.

 

I'll also give you a link to the Post Withdrawal Recovery Board. You'll find others you can relate and you can post questions and receive feedback from members.

 

It's difficult to leave your family during this time. I hope they can learn and understand the large impact these drugs have on the human system.

 

We're here to support you so please do ask questions.

 

Insomnia 

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support 

 

 

pianogirl 

 

 

[[mi...]]

Thank you pianogirl for the approval and kind, informative advice. I sincerely look forward to getting sleep back. After I get a decent sleep night, I can function with all the mood swings and gitters the next day. If I dont get sleep, its not good.

 

Looking forward to recovering and getting back to my family, whom I dearly miss and love.

 

Mike

 

[[pi...]]

Thank you pianogirl for the approval and kind, informative advice. I sincerely look forward to getting sleep back. After I get a decent sleep night, I can function with all the mood swings and gitters the next day. If I dont get sleep, its not good.

 

Looking forward to recovering and getting back to my family, whom I dearly miss and love.

 

Mike

 

You'll get back to them Mike, and in much better condition as your nervous system recovers!

[[mi...]]

Did not sleep 1 minute last night, I am in a full blow rage. how do I regain control? I am going crazy, I feel like Im never going to get better. Just took 2 whiskey shots and I don't feel a thing. I have never had alcohol in the AM. I am under the care of a neurologist that keeps throwing things at me. upping propranolol, now wants to ad busparone. I feel like I am dieing. I miss my old self. I feel like something is taking over my body.

 

Please someone give me some help.

 

 

[[pi...]]

Did not sleep 1 minute last night, I am in a full blow rage. how do I regain control? I am going crazy, I feel like Im never going to get better. Just took 2 whiskey shots and I don't feel a thing. I have never had alcohol in the AM. I am under the care of a neurologist that keeps throwing things at me. upping propranolol, now wants to ad busparone. I feel like I am dieing. I miss my old self. I feel like something is taking over my body.

 

Please someone give me some help.

 

I'm sorry about last night.

 

Using alcohol to help with withdrawal symptoms is really taking a walk down a slippery slope.  Alcohol targets the same receptors as benzos. It has often been called a liquid benzo. It's mechanism is different but if it were me, I would stay far away from alcohol during recovery.

 

As I said before, I think you are in the hardest part of withdrawal, at 16 days. You were a very short time user, just 3 weeks.

 

Benzo rage is common and so are a host of other symptoms.  At this point, try to distract from how you feel.  Tell yourself that this temporary.  The benzo is trying to hold on to you, but it won't last, the real you is still there.

 

pianogirl 

[[mi...]]

Thanks for the reply pianogirl.

I said and behaved very regretfully last night and this morning. It's amazing how such little things effect us. I was on my hand and knees pleading with god and choice 4 letter words.

 

Dispute 3 weeks use. I had in the first week bad ringing in ears and heard screams when abruptly woken in a pool of sweat. The screens though we're in my head.

 

I did socially drink my 2nd to last day on Xanax xr while golfing. Figuring this might have put a beating on the GABa receptors.

 

Is there a consensus here on sleep meds and propranolol use? Wondering if people did better with our without.

 

PS. On good days I can play my 6 string to pass time. But beyond that I have very little ambition or motivation for anything. I guess it is a slight blessing I'm somewhat calm right now. Crazy how I am not yawning or anything with 0 sleep. 😢

 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hello mikeyWVU,

 

I'm sorry to hear you're not sleeping, unfortunately it's a common withdrawal symptom that seems to make everything worse.  You might try starting a thread on the Other Medications board to ask questions about the propranolol and other sleep meds, I'm sure you'll get some great feedback.  I hope by other sleep medications you don't mean drugs such as Ambien, that wouldn't be an advisable road to go down. 

 

I hope you can get some sleep and some peace soon.

 

Pamster

[[mi...]]

Thanks Pamster. How do I find hope? The last 24 hours I have spent in a rage and now feel hopeless. I haven't eaten much at all today and have no appetite, very little motivation. Still feel I won't recover 😢

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hi Mike,

 

One of the most frustrating parts of benzo withdrawal is it's non-linear, we'll feel like our old selves for a moment, a day or even a week (we call these windows) then for some inexplicable reason, that window will slam shut and we'll be faced with a myriad of symptoms, some we've felt before, others brand new and just as horrible.  We call these waves and they can be unbearable. 

 

Hope is difficult when the only voice you hear in your head is the one consumed by withdrawal symptoms.  But that's what we're here for, to combat that voice, to be louder than that voice, we're here to give you hope.

 

Look around the forum, try to find a member who's history is similar to yours and reach out them on a thread they've started, that's what I did when I first joined and it helped me so much.  It helped me realize I wasn't alone, even though my withdrawal consumed brain was telling me I was.  And once I started connecting with others, I began to have hope and now I've been healed and happy for 11 years.  You can do this!

 

Pamster