Do we get it back

[[Mr...]]

I just want my life back.  I wanted to be able to get ready feel good about it.  Any this morning I wish so bad I could of got up to go to gym come home and cook the kids a big breakfast and clean.  Like Normal get a coffee and talk ingage

[[Tr...]]

Know exactly how you feel. This is not life, but trying to survive. Hope we will all make it through this hell and get our life back. Stay strong! 

[[bo...]]

I hope so too. This is such misery. People keep saying you will get better and I never feel better. Can't engage in life at all.

[[Ja...]]

My wife and I lost our 9 year old daughter last June suddenly. It has torn the world of my wife and mine apart. I started taking Xanax daily as prescribed but also drinking daily(clearly not prescribed lol). I know you aren’t supposed two and I was also chain smoking 2 packs a day after having quit almost 15 years ago. I was so messed up with grief I just didn’t care at all about my health or well being. I have a 2.5 year old son and I could not even look at him. It brought me nothing but pain. I had taken and cold turkeyed benzos before and did not know that I experienced withdrawal. The doctors had diagnosed me with fibromyalgia/CFS that mysteriously went away after a couple of years. So it did not take me long to hit tolerance on Xanax. I think it is kindling as they describe it, I’m not sure. I starting getting very sick and suspected the Xanax. The doctors said it couldn’t be because I had only been on 1 mg per day for 6 months. I started trying to get off them with little help from the doctors. My withdrawal was so bad I did not sleep for 2 full months went from I think 182 lbs down to 137 lbs in just 8 weeks. The doctors gaslit me and told me it was my grief. I told them no. that something was wrong. I layed on the bed, home alone, so sick I couldn’t even think about my daughter anymore. I was dying. The doctor’s were clueless. I didn’t know what was wrong. I couldn’t eat, sleep, I went to the ER every other day because it felt like my heart was going to explode or stop. I was having electrocution sensations, stomach pains, trouble breathing, palpitations, chest pains, soul deadening nausea like I had never experienced. Nausea so bad I have PTSD from it.

Then I decided I would take my own life. But I had responsibilities. I had a son. I was ready to go but couldn’t do that to him. So I called my wife and told her I needed her to come home and bring me to the hospital. She said they already checked everything. I said, no you don’t understand I am suicidal. I need help. That was in November. I missed Thanksgiving with my family as I spent it in the psych unit.

I will skip the middle of the story. You are living that part now. This is one place I can come where everyone understands that and believes it.

Fast forward to yesterday. It was Saturday. It was beautiful. I had the day off of work. I still feel off. But good. It has been 8 months since my rapid hospital taper off of Xanax. I am tapering Remeron, it sucks but it no benzo withdrawal for me. I drove my son out to the beach. I had a big anxiety wave in the morning during the drive. My wife met us out there. I am doing relatively well considered I am tapering another drug and am not fully healed from Xanax. We walked up and down the boardwalk. We played skiball. I am laughing again and can feel happiness again. I was scared to death when I boarded a roller coaster with my son. I felt so proud when I got off shaking inside that I was able to do this for him. I am healing. I couldn’t walk more than 200 ft without taking a knee when I got out of the hospital. I walked on the sand for hours yesterday. Then on the way home we stopped at an old raceway I always wanted to check out. There was a stock car race going on. I was so excited. I mean really excited. Not the faking it for everyone else’s sake I had been getting used to. I felt truly happy. Some guy bought too many tickets and gave us some for free! We went in and I sat with my wife and my son. My son is almost 3. He was so excited to watch the cars. I was excited. I felt good. The loud noise and cars racing past me gave me a few palpitations and I am not fully healed for sure. But I was having so much fun I did not want to

leave even though the day had been long and I had work this morning. We stayed late. As I sat there with my son watching the race and seeing the smile on his face I started to tear up. I hid it from my wife and my son with my sunglasses. I almost threw this all away. I am crying as I type this right now. I miss my little girl more than I can even put into words. I can’t believe the horror that the doctors have put me through this past year. They should have just let me grieve. I did not need these drugs. I was weak and accepted them. But I am healing. Yesterday was awesome and I almost missed it. I am so glad I found the strength to push on.

 

Yes, it does get better. Yes, you will get your life back.

[[ja...]]

My wife and I lost our 9 year old daughter last June suddenly. It has torn the world of my wife and mine apart. I started taking Xanax daily as prescribed but also drinking daily(clearly not prescribed lol). I know you aren’t supposed two and I was also chain smoking 2 packs a day after having quit almost 15 years ago. I was so messed up with grief I just didn’t care at all about my health or well being. I have a 2.5 year old son and I could not even look at him. It brought me nothing but pain. I had taken and cold turkeyed benzos before and did not know that I experienced withdrawal. The doctors had diagnosed me with fibromyalgia/CFS that mysteriously went away after a couple of years. So it did not take me long to hit tolerance on Xanax. I think it is kindling as they describe it, I’m not sure. I starting getting very sick and suspected the Xanax. The doctors said it couldn’t be because I had only been on 1 mg per day for 6 months. I started trying to get off them with little help from the doctors. My withdrawal was so bad I did not sleep for 2 full months went from I think 182 lbs down to 137 lbs in just 8 weeks. The doctors gaslit me and told me it was my grief. I told them no. that something was wrong. I layed on the bed, home alone, so sick I couldn’t even think about my daughter anymore. I was dying. The doctor’s were clueless. I didn’t know what was wrong. I couldn’t eat, sleep, I went to the ER every other day because it felt like my heart was going to explode or stop. I was having electrocution sensations, stomach pains, trouble breathing, palpitations, chest pains, soul deadening nausea like I had never experienced. Nausea so bad I have PTSD from it.

Then I decided I would take my own life. But I had responsibilities. I had a son. I was ready to go but couldn’t do that to him. So I called my wife and told her I needed her to come home and bring me to the hospital. She said they already checked everything. I said, no you don’t understand I am suicidal. I need help. That was in November. I missed Thanksgiving with my family as I spent it in the psych unit.

I will skip the middle of the story. You are living that part now. This is one place I can come where everyone understands that and believes it.

Fast forward to yesterday. It was Saturday. It was beautiful. I had the day off of work. I still feel off. But good. It has been 8 months since my rapid hospital taper off of Xanax. I am tapering Remeron, it sucks but it no benzo withdrawal for me. I drove my son out to the beach. I had a big anxiety wave in the morning during the drive. My wife met us out there. I am doing relatively well considered I am tapering another drug and am not fully healed from Xanax. We walked up and down the boardwalk. We played skiball. I am laughing again and can feel happiness again. I was scared to death when I boarded a roller coaster with my son. I felt so proud when I got off shaking inside that I was able to do this for him. I am healing. I couldn’t walk more than 200 ft without taking a knee when I got out of the hospital. I walked on the sand for hours yesterday. Then on the way home we stopped at an old raceway I always wanted to check out. There was a stock car race going on. I was so excited. I mean really excited. Not the faking it for everyone else’s sake I had been getting used to. I felt truly happy. Some guy bought too many tickets and gave us some for free! We went in and I sat with my wife and my son. My son is almost 3. He was so excited to watch the cars. I was excited. I felt good. The loud noise and cars racing past me gave me a few palpitations and I am not fully healed for sure. But I was having so much fun I did not want to

leave even though the day had been long and I had work this morning. We stayed late. As I sat there with my son watching the race and seeing the smile on his face I started to tear up. I hid it from my wife and my son with my sunglasses. I almost threw this all away. I am crying as I type this right now. I miss my little girl more than I can even put into words. I can’t believe the horror that the doctors have put me through this past year. They should have just let me grieve. I did not need these drugs. I was weak and accepted them. But I am healing. Yesterday was awesome and I almost missed it. I am so glad I found the strength to push on.

 

Yes, it does get better. Yes, you will get your life back.

Jack!!! God bless you ! The loss of a child has the most unmeasured pain a human can feel! My heart goes out to you and your wife!

 

I to lost my daughter she was 4 she died suddenly as well within 5 days . I just wanted to say bless you and the pain does ease and god will heal your heart if you let him !

 

Much love !

 

As for this post I feel your pain I was exactly like you begging to just get me and my life back ! But I promise you you will! I am 100% healed and have been for years .

 

I was a extreme case from a C/T I spent day and night here from 2010 to about 2015  I had over 80 sxs and was bedridden. At month 15 most my sxs died off and was left with 5 bare able ones there all gone now to!

 

Stay strong dear this will go away !

 

~ J

[[je...]]

thank you so much for writing the above, Jack37 and Jaso19,

your stories really affected me.

you guys give me some hope.

i'm having a terrible time now in year 7 of tapering off the wretched

Klonokrap. mental and physical sxs off the charts. cannot be around people,

can hardly walk from dizziness and neuropathy. i'm crawling to the finish line right now.

just making it thru every day so i can cut again.

thank you again.