Losing faith....

[[La...]]

Received some concerning directions today.  It’s been a month since my last doc appt, and the nurse asked me to call and check in.  I called and spoke with her, explaining that I was splitting my doses into 4 times a day, and was having some withdrawal side-effects but nothing I couldn’t handle.  She put me on hold and spoke with doctor.  Came back on the line and told me to cut another .5 mg per day now....after just 24 days of tapering from 3 mg per day to 2 mg per day.  Today is the first day of 1.5 mg per day.  Im having sxs this evening....sweating, a general internal nervousness, some blurry vision, and something tension in my neck.  I think this is too rapid, as I was just getting comfortable with the first taper.  Any thoughts?

TBH.  Sometimes I feel like the doc is trying to keep me in a w/d state. 

[[de...]]

So sorry this has happened to you.  You were doing so well, now this! 

 

Don't know that your doctor is trying to keep you in withdrawal state, maybe trying to get you off more quickly to keep his/her own record looking clean.  Big push now to get people off benzo's. 

 

I think you should speak with him/her about the way you are feeling. 

 

Wishing you all of the very best. 

 

Dee

[[La...]]

Dee-

Thank you for the concern!  I do believe my doc is trying to protect himself, not concerned about my health.  I’m symptomatic today....anxiety, sweating, restlessness, and headache.  I will be honest.  I’m willing to suffer some w/d sxs....but I’m so terrified of the possibility of seizure.  Some people will reassure me that it’s rare, but I personally know 2 young people who irresponsibility CTed, and had life threatening seizures, the documentation in medical records is all over the map.  One published document says 8 out of 1980 patients suffered seizures, another medical study says 20-30% suffer seizures.  I’m alone, out in a remote area.  No neighbors, no family, and 2 small dogs to care for.  My life is built around care for my furry companions, and self-care.  It a few weeks, I will have to rejoin city life, as my only child is due to have my first grandchild in mid-February.  I NEED to be stable then.  I think my doc is being very irresponsible with such a dramatic taper, after being the one who has prescribed me these medications for almost 20 years.  I just wish I could be reassured that seizure won’t happen as long as I have small amounts in my system during this rapid taper.  Doc wants me off....completely, by December 15.  That’s a taper schedule of 10 weeks.  It seems harsh, but I’m willing to deal with anything short of a sxs that would require medical intervention.  I have ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT SYSTEM.  If I’m not at home, I have no one to care for my home and dogs.  They are my life. 

[[ea...]]

I think your doctor is just misinformed, as almost all physicians are when it concerns benzos or ADs. None of them have ever heard of Ashton, and would write her off as a "crackpot" if they did.

Something you need to get here is that ONLY YOU control what drugs you take. A doctor may tell you to do something, but you do NOT have to do it. ONLY YOU decides. Only YOU are the captain of your ship. This was a hard lesson for me to get, because I am a nurse. I used to trust doctors. Didn't especially like them since many are total jerks, egomaniacs. But I used to think they knew what they were doing. Now, I don't.

I choose my new doctor only because he allows ME to control what pills I take or what procedures I allow. He is so relaxed, gentle, and never tells me what to do. It is all up to me, as it should be!

 

Like most medical people I AM going to tell you that the likelihood of seizures is remote. Yes. it can happen, but rarely does. I am not clear where in your withdrawal you are, but if you are out at least a month, seizures are VERY unlikely. They usually happen only in ACUTE wd, and usually to people who also drank alcohol AND took benzos. But, of course, there are always exceptions to this stuff.

 

My situation was very similar to yours. NO family, few friends, forced to go cold turkey, and I had five cats back then. They were the utter delight of my life back then. I did consider suicide several times but could NOT do that to my cats! So I DO understand your concern, and your love for your pets shines out at me. How lovely.

Lady, you can do this. If I can, anyone can. I started this weird journey 7.25 years ago, when I was 62. I am now almost 70. God help me!

My cold turkey was really really bad, but I hung on no matter what....just for my kitties. I could not let them down, just as you cant let YOUR dogs down. Sometime we DO need a reason to endure horrible things.

Feel free to come visit me me on my Blog, Eastcoasts Trip. I have a feeling we cold really share a few other things.

east

[[Le...]]

Lady -

 

I do not think that you will have a seizure due to this last cut but more than likely - you are going to be VERY uncomfortable for the next 30 days. As Dee suggests, I would contact the doctor office again and explain that there is no way that you can be totally off by Dec. 15th and figure out a new plan. If this doctor wants you off and you agree to another 0.5 cut in November then I would hope that you two could come to a compromise.  These cuts are large and you will feel withdrawals but knowing that you can and WILL survive this is the only way THROUGH BENZO HELL.  Doing the calculations - you should be off by the end of February and not sooner.  Sorry. But you have the rest of your life to enjoy your grandchild!

 

[[Te...]]

Can I ask what the clueless doctor will do if you're not off by December? Is he going to take away the pills?

 

I'm so very sorry this has happened. He seems bent on protecting himself only.

[[La...]]

Terry38-

My doc would not hesitate to cut me off on my next scheduled visit.  In such a remote area, I have acquaintances who’ve seen him.  They have attempted to get additional prescriptions from him.  He doesn’t care.  He currently won’t even accept calls from me, even though he asked me to check in with the nurse.  I’m going to have to just hope for the best with his rapid taper.  There are simply no other docs close, and my lack of insurance and limited income don’t allow me to travel very far for care from another doc.  I just want this over.  Causing anxiety to a person with an anxiety disorder is just cruel.

[[La...]]

After this last taper of 25%, I’m still feeling pretty symptomatic.  It’s bad at this time of day...early morning.  I take 1 dose at 9:30 pm, and have to go 10 hours before morning dose.  Right now I’m unable to practice my art therapy, because my hands are always shaking.  I’m not eating much, but being very particular about WHAT I eat.  No processed foods, not too much starches, although 12 grain bread doesn’t seem to bother me, as long as I only eat it a couple of times a week.  Always been a healthy eater, but now craving fresh fruits a vegetables even more.  I’m not suffering horrible insomnia, surprising since I have had a 50% reduction in medication, total, in 33 days.  Yesterday was a hard one, because of muscle soreness in my legs.  For me personally, I’ve found that my magnesium supplement helps, but I know for others it isn’t.  I guess it’s body chemistry.  I’m grateful to be alone most of the time, so I don’t have any additional stimuli.  Not getting much done, other than feeding myself and dogs, bathing, and doing small chores.  I’m going to hold this dose for another 10-14 days. 

[[Te...]]

Please keep us informed! I'd personally like to wring that doctor's neck. He's being utterly irresponsible. 

[[La...]]

Terry38-

I spent the better part of the day yesterday on the phone, trying to get someone who would listen.  I was finally transferred to the nurse who saw me for several years.  We had a lengthy conversation about my concerns....and TBH, none of the staff at a Behavioral Health Center had ever heard of the Ashton Method or Kaiser.  My former nurse spoke to my doc, and he finally took the time to address my fears.  He is switching me to a lower dose Xanax tablet, but the same total mg per day.  This will allow me to dose 4 X per day, and reduce interdose w/d.  He also agreed that if I felt I needed a longer taper schedule, he would work with me on that, and long as he sees me continuing to reduce my dose each month.  He DOES want to see me making a cut at least every 2 weeks.  As it was explained, he wants me to listen to my body, and when I become comfortable with a new lower dose, after a day or 2 of comfort, taper again.  So basically, he wants me to feel w/d sxs for several days, then a couple days of relief, then a taper, and back to sxs.  He also relayed information about my fear of seizure risk, the nurse telling me that once I get to .5 mg total per day, I can play with reducing the number of doses per day, and then see if I can skip days.  He IS firm in his attitude that for me, anything lower than .25 mg total per day would be considered a sub-therapeutic dose.  He read a summary of Ashton Method, and disagrees with the part about getting down into anything less than a single dose of .125 mg, or half a .25 mg tablet I trust this nurse, and she has assured me that the seizure risk is very low at that  point.  I’m mindful of my physical sxs, and ready to suffer with those, as I know they are just uncomfortable,  it not life-threatening. 

[[Le...]]

Great news Lady! Sounds like you are working with your doctor and doing well for this stage of withdrawals.  So glad to hear.

[[Ca...]]

Your doing a great job Lady..

 

I think many Drs work on an “addiction” model of discontinuation, -even if they dont know it themselves..  The “good” ones understand a physical dependance model, and the “great” ones understand the Intricacies of benzos on top of that...

 

Lets just hope your Dr is paying attention, sees your effort, and listens to you as needed..

 

Best wishes to you...