My family/friends are worried. I'm worried! Any suggestions?

September 28, 2019

I am not doing good. I have four to eight months left on this Clonazepam micro taper and I'm a MESS. I'm actually beyond a mess and honestly cannot function most days. The side effects are now horrible and they hit me like a flood. Tinnitus that is deafening, horrible sleep, nightmares, PTSD, anxiety, depression, self hatred and crippling physical symptoms. I just want to give up and I've called the support hotline (I won't use the word) twice this week. I have to find relief from this... I'm an empath and everything I feel is magnified tenfold and I'm terrified. I will NOT be able to work feeling this way... I'm pretty much almost non-functional and I'm on workers comp right now so I will need to return to work soon. Please help... anybody!!! I've never been so scared in my life.

:'(

September 28, 2019

My advice is to right off the next two (2) months of your life and dedicate it to recovery after jumping. And of course I am going to get slammed for saying that. But honestly, it sounds like your taper is adding agony on to agony at this point. YOU CAN DO THIS!

September 28, 2019

I'm really sorry for your suffering. I've been on clon almost as long as you. It is horrible ;(

Hopefully someone more comforting will come along, and with better advice. All I can say is, maybe if you hold for a bit longer before your next cut you'll feel a little better? I see now that you're already holding a month for 0.01 though. I'm so sorry.

I'm having a real bad day too, and hope we both make it thru this.

September 28, 2019

I'm really sorry for your suffering. I've been on clon almost as long as you. It is horrible ;(

Hopefully someone more comforting will come along, and with better advice. All I can say is, maybe if you hold for a bit longer before your next cut you'll feel a little better? I see now that you're already holding a month for 0.01 though. I'm so sorry.

I'm having a real bad day too, and hope we both make it thru this.

Awe... thank you and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I had to take a hydrocodone tonight as my body aches were excruciating. It actually helped but I don't want to take pain meds or misuse them. I have to go back to work soon after recovering from a work injury and I'm terrified with the way I am feeling. People are telling me to jump but I still have a fourth of the 0.5 mg pill left and the Ashton Manual says to NOT jump until you reach a much lower dose. I'm scared to jump.... and this is hell. My Psyche Dr. is trying to push antidepressants on me and I have tried a couple with terrible results. I couldn't even get out of bed with Remeron. 😢 Just looking for some support here in my down times. :'(

September 28, 2019

My advice is to right off the next two (2) months of your life and dedicate it to recovery after jumping. And of course I am going to get slammed for saying that. But honestly, it sounds like your taper is adding agony on to agony at this point. YOU CAN DO THIS!

I truly appreciate your reply. Thank you! I just don't think I should jump yet... still taking too much to cold turkey. Was looking for some support here and there's not much of that on this forum. I am usually the encourager and lately I've needed it for myself. Everyone seems to run when I become real and talk about my struggles. Thank you again... for trying to help.

September 28, 2019

Have you considered trying a different formulation of your drug to see if you can stabilize on that? I went into a freefall using a liquid, switched to the clonazepam Orally Disintegrating Tablets (ODTs) which come in a 0.125mg strength, and did much better. I’ve also read about another member who was at 0.375mg of clonazepam, could not stabilize, and switched to the prescription oral solution of diazepam.

September 28, 2019

Have you considered trying a different formulation of your drug to see if you can stabilize on that? I went into a freefall using a liquid, switched to the clonazepam Orally Disintegrating Tablets (ODTs) which come in a 0.125mg strength, and did much better. I’ve also read about another member who was at 0.375mg of clonazepam, could not stabilize, and switched to the prescription oral solution of diazepam.

Thank you for your reply. My Dr. won't crossover. She wants me to quit Clonazepam cold turkey and take something else. I'm not going to do that so I'm plugging away feeling like crap. Also I'm micro-tapering so I cannot do the tabs. I make my own liquid and have been doing it for two years. This is my new reality... not knowing who I am, and having all these horrible sxs. I fear not being able to work feeling like this because I can barely go out in public right now so I isolate. How will I do that at a job? I possibly won't so I'm thinking "homelessness" and honestly if that's my future so be it. I'm done with this drug from hell... determined to end this once and for all.

September 28, 2019

I don’t think people are running, as you say. I think you are not getting many responses because when I look at your taper there is nothing that would suggest why you feel the way you do and needs a change. You are cutting very slowly via a microtaper and you are using liquid which almost everyone agrees is more precise than pills at this low dose. Switching to Valium often causes more depression and other problems, so that is not a great suggestion here.

I looked carefully at your taper and I cannot see any other course of action. I think that is the reason for the lack of responses. And everyone agrees there is no med or supplement that is guaranteed to reduce withdrawal symptoms.

I will let you know if I come up with a suggestion.

September 28, 2019

I don’t think people are running, as you say. I think you are not getting many responses because when I look at your taper there is nothing that would suggest why you feel the way you do and needs a change. You are cutting very slowly via a microtaper and you are using liquid which almost everyone agrees is more precise than pills at this low dose. Switching to Valium often causes more depression and other problems, so that is not a great suggestion here.

I looked carefully at your taper and I cannot see any other course of action. I think that is the reason for the lack of responses. And everyone agrees there is no med or supplement that is guaranteed to reduce withdrawal symptoms.

I will let you know if I come up with a suggestion.

Thank you for your kindness. I used the word "run" because to be honest and I've noticed it with others posts as well... many people don't have the gift of encouragement. It's kind of like that quote on social media that says "Get rid of the toxic person, the negative person". Once you start getting real and talking about your pain and how shitty everything is you get labeled as negative. Nobody wants to be around Debbie Downer even on a Benzo Buddy forum. I even notice it in my own family. I used to be the life of the party... the one who made everyone laugh... I was told I lit up the room so everyone wanted to be around me. I once was Tigger... I'm now Eyore. Nobody likes Eyore. You can say people are not like that... that they don't run but I've been on this planet long enough to know differently. It's just sad that this is the place many go for help... they come here raw, weak, struggling and baring their souls yet there are usually only a handful of people who respond. I've noticed some of the other topics and threads have hundreds of posts and replies... especially the threads on music, movies and unrelated topics . It's like really? But thank you for your perspective... people are people and I get that.

September 28, 2019

Once you start getting real and talking about your pain and how shitty everything is you get labeled as negative. Nobody wants to be around Debbie Downer even on a Benzo Buddy forum. I even notice it in my own family.

All too familiar with this. To this day, I have not been able to have a conversation with my dad about what I'm going through. After 12 years. As soon as I mention klonopin, my dad does a 180 and disappears into the shadows without a word. I assume he just doesn't know what to say, but he comes across as totally uncaring. Actually he's never really been supportive about much of anything, so I shouldn't really be surprised. When things are good, he'll chat with you. Otherwise, take a hike.

Other family members will at least listen for a bit, as long as I keep it to under a couple minutes. Last time I mentioned it to my sister, she mumbled "Oh no, not this again, help!". As if she's the one who needs help. I feel like I'm dying over here, and noone will even listen like they give a damn.

I guess that's why I sit in church alone on the worst days and cry for an hour. There's nowhere else to go. God (picturing Steve Buscemi) is probably up there like "Oh man, now I gotta listen to this shit again for an hour".

September 28, 2019

Once you start getting real and talking about your pain and how shitty everything is you get labeled as negative. Nobody wants to be around Debbie Downer even on a Benzo Buddy forum. I even notice it in my own family.

All too familiar with this. To this day, I have not been able to have a conversation with my dad about what I'm going through. After 12 years. As soon as I mention klonopin, my dad does a 180 and disappears into the shadows without a word. I assume he just doesn't know what to say, but he comes across as totally uncaring. Actually he's never really been supportive about much of anything, so I shouldn't really be surprised. When things are good, he'll chat with you. Otherwise, take a hike.

Other family members will at least listen for a bit, as long as I keep it to under a couple minutes. Last time I mentioned it to my sister, she mumbled "Oh no, not this again, help!". As if she's the one who needs help. I feel like I'm dying over here, and noone will even listen like they give a damn.

I totally relate. I truly think that Clonazepam is one of the worst Benzos to taper off of. Along with all the shitty side effects comes this insecurity part of it and for me I know it's the drug. I'm super sensitive and get butt hurt easily. It's like I feel I'm talking and nobody is listening. I've never felt so alone in my life. Even in a crowd I feel alone.

September 28, 2019

RR, I don't think people are running or think you are a downer. You are very low and that seems to either one way or the other, some feel good and others really struggle. You don't want to add anything at this point? That might be a question for Withdrawal Support, did anyone add anything that wasn't awful to come off of, to help with the last amount of benzo. If you could feel better and just have one med to taper that would be a lot easier to taper, would you consider that? I know I have read of others doing it. Otherwise, it is either speed your taper up, hold , or jump. I hate you are suffering so and wish there was an answer here. There just isn't, only decisions for you to make. But I will be here for you, and lots of others will too. You are in a hard place, sending you lots of healing thoughts. Mary 💜

September 28, 2019

RR, I don't think people are running or think you are a downer. You are very low and that seems to either one way or the other, some feel good and others really struggle. You don't want to add anything at this point? That might be a question for Withdrawal Support, did anyone add anything that wasn't awful to come off of, to help with the last amount of benzo. If you could feel better and just have one med to taper that would be a lot easier to taper, would you consider that? I know I have read of others doing it. Otherwise, it is either speed your taper up, hold , or jump. I hate you are suffering so and wish there was an answer here. There just isn't, only decisions for you to make. But I will be here for you, and lots of others will too. You are in a hard place, sending you lots of healing thoughts. Mary 💜

Again thank you. I have tried some other meds with bad results. I do a lot of research and I'm out of ideas. Prozac worked for me a couple of decades ago when I took it short term. The Dr. won't give it to me. I'm so scared of negative side effects with meds I've never tried. I'm at a lose as to what to do.

September 28, 2019

Wow... the encouragement that I gave you was to accept that this is going to be over in a couple of months if you don't drag it out. I have been there. Instead of focusing on the misery NOW - you need to fast forward your life to what you want it to be without the Benzo Withdrawal. Can't get any clearer than that so if you think that this is not encouraging... so be it. The reality of going THROUGH Benzo Hell is this. But I know that feeling of feeling alone in a crowd too so I guess this is also another symptom of withdrawals - not seeing advice for what it is: ENCOURAGEMENT. So I will say it again: YOU CAN DO THIS! Write it off...

September 28, 2019

Once you start getting real and talking about your pain and how shitty everything is you get labeled as negative. Nobody wants to be around Debbie Downer even on a Benzo Buddy forum. I even notice it in my own family.

All too familiar with this. To this day, I have not been able to have a conversation with my dad about what I'm going through. After 12 years. As soon as I mention klonopin, my dad does a 180 and disappears into the shadows without a word. I assume he just doesn't know what to say, but he comes across as totally uncaring. Actually he's never really been supportive about much of anything, so I shouldn't really be surprised. When things are good, he'll chat with you. Otherwise, take a hike.

Other family members will at least listen for a bit, as long as I keep it to under a couple minutes. Last time I mentioned it to my sister, she mumbled "Oh no, not this again, help!". As if she's the one who needs help. I feel like I'm dying over here, and noone will even listen like they give a damn.

I totally relate. I truly think that Clonazepam is one of the worst Benzos to taper off of. Along with all the shitty side effects comes this insecurity part of it and for me I know it's the drug. I'm super sensitive and get butt hurt easily. It's like I feel I'm talking and nobody is listening. I've never felt so alone in my life. Even in a crowd I feel alone.

When my symptoms are as bad as what you're describing, I'm not going to lie, I always updose and hold for awhile. It has always worked, but can take awhile to even out. But this is also why I am still stuck on the drug. So this is probably bad advice, but figured I'd say it anyway.

I have pretty serious physical health issues outside of klonopin though, and my life is at risk if I fall apart completely. I'm thinking this time I better just plow through it and see what happens though.

I hope you find some relief whatever you decide. /hugs

September 28, 2019

RR, I don't think people are running or think you are a downer. You are very low and that seems to either one way or the other, some feel good and others really struggle. You don't want to add anything at this point? That might be a question for Withdrawal Support, did anyone add anything that wasn't awful to come off of, to help with the last amount of benzo. If you could feel better and just have one med to taper that would be a lot easier to taper, would you consider that? I know I have read of others doing it. Otherwise, it is either speed your taper up, hold , or jump. I hate you are suffering so and wish there was an answer here. There just isn't, only decisions for you to make. But I will be here for you, and lots of others will too. You are in a hard place, sending you lots of healing thoughts. Mary 💜

Again thank you. I have tried some other meds with bad results. I do a lot of research and I'm out of ideas. Prozac worked for me a couple of decades ago when I took it short term. The Dr. won't give it to me. I'm so scared of negative side effects with meds I've never tried. I'm at a lose as to what to do.

I understand, I am afraid to try the liquid Diazapam but may make myself overcome the fear. I still have 8.80 to go and have to find a way to get there. I'm so tired of this crap but we have to keep going. :smitten:

September 28, 2019

RR, I don't think people are running or think you are a downer. You are very low and that seems to either one way or the other, some feel good and others really struggle. You don't want to add anything at this point? That might be a question for Withdrawal Support, did anyone add anything that wasn't awful to come off of, to help with the last amount of benzo. If you could feel better and just have one med to taper that would be a lot easier to taper, would you consider that? I know I have read of others doing it. Otherwise, it is either speed your taper up, hold , or jump. I hate you are suffering so and wish there was an answer here. There just isn't, only decisions for you to make. But I will be here for you, and lots of others will too. You are in a hard place, sending you lots of healing thoughts. Mary 💜

Again thank you. I have tried some other meds with bad results. I do a lot of research and I'm out of ideas. Prozac worked for me a couple of decades ago when I took it short term. The Dr. won't give it to me. I'm so scared of negative side effects with meds I've never tried. I'm at a lose as to what to do.

I understand, I am afraid to try the liquid Diazapam but may make myself overcome the fear. I still have 8.80 to go and have to find a way to get there. I'm so tired of this crap but we have to keep going. :smitten:

You do know that "Builder" tapered off Diazepam... right? Have you messaged him about how he got through his taper? I think it took him two years and he only held once for a month.

September 28, 2019

RR, I don't think people are running or think you are a downer. You are very low and that seems to either one way or the other, some feel good and others really struggle. You don't want to add anything at this point? That might be a question for Withdrawal Support, did anyone add anything that wasn't awful to come off of, to help with the last amount of benzo. If you could feel better and just have one med to taper that would be a lot easier to taper, would you consider that? I know I have read of others doing it. Otherwise, it is either speed your taper up, hold , or jump. I hate you are suffering so and wish there was an answer here. There just isn't, only decisions for you to make. But I will be here for you, and lots of others will too. You are in a hard place, sending you lots of healing thoughts. Mary 💜

Again thank you. I have tried some other meds with bad results. I do a lot of research and I'm out of ideas. Prozac worked for me a couple of decades ago when I took it short term. The Dr. won't give it to me. I'm so scared of negative side effects with meds I've never tried. I'm at a lose as to what to do.

I understand, I am afraid to try the liquid Diazapam but may make myself overcome the fear. I still have 8.80 to go and have to find a way to get there. I'm so tired of this crap but we have to keep going. :smitten:

You do know that "Builder" tapered off Diazepam... right? Have you messaged him about how he got through his taper? I think it took him two years and he only held once for a month.

Yes, he is one of biggest reasons I am 95% sure, I am going to do it. He even looked up the cost for me, which was so sweet . 🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥that's the other 5 %, working on getting it under control

September 29, 2019

Hi Raquel,

I am so so sorry you are in so much pain. I know had such severe pain i have no idea how i made it. Id say i had it for 5 months. I.just kept stretching and doing strenthening excercises. I.didnt.over do it. Then.i started walking. There are still a few aches and pains but has gotten better. I really couldnt even walk for long before. Now im fine. I am not sure what type of pain.you are having. Im not to sharp today. Bad depression and.other stuff. I wanted to reach.out to you because i understand how you feel. Did you go to the dr? I know we all hate them. I want to get back to work too. Im stressing over it myself. I dont kmow how the heck.i can. I need a miracle lol. I also get really upset if noone answers my post. I start thinking is there something wrong with me. Do i sound nuts. But we are going nuts in bwd. Thats why we are here. Its hard enough to open up as it is. So you are not alone. Who knows maybe we are extra sensitive. Hang in.there you are so close. You will get better. We are here for you

September 29, 2019

Wow... the encouragement that I gave you was to accept that this is going to be over in a couple of months if you don't drag it out. I have been there. Instead of focusing on the misery NOW - you need to fast forward your life to what you want it to be without the Benzo Withdrawal. Can't get any clearer than that so if you think that this is not encouraging... so be it. The reality of going THROUGH Benzo Hell is this. But I know that feeling of feeling alone in a crowd too so I guess this is also another symptom of withdrawals - not seeing advice for what it is: ENCOURAGEMENT. So I will say it again: YOU CAN DO THIS! Write it off...

Leslie...I told you Thank you yesterday. You were one of three replies to a post that I placed here while in tears. I didn't mean to make you feel that you didn't encourage me or I didn't appreciate your help. I just cannot jump at 1/4 of a 0.5 mg pill. That's too much to jump off of and even the Ashton Manual gives a much smaller mg to jump off. I'm not ready to do that and scared to death. But thank you a hundred times for taking the time to reply. Hugs.

September 29, 2019

Hi Raquel,
I am so so sorry you are in so much pain. I know had such severe pain i have no idea how i made it. Id say i had it for 5 months. I.just kept stretching and doing strenthening excercises. I.didnt.over do it. Then.i started walking. There are still a few aches and pains but has gotten better. I really couldnt even walk for long before. Now im fine. I am not sure what type of pain.you are having. Im not to sharp today. Bad depression and.other stuff. I wanted to reach.out to you because i understand how you feel. Did you go to the dr? I know we all hate them. I want to get back to work too. Im stressing over it myself. I dont kmow how the heck.i can. I need a miracle lol. I also get really upset if noone answers my post. I start thinking is there something wrong with me. Do i sound nuts. But we are going nuts in bwd. Thats why we are here. Its hard enough to open up as it is. So you are not alone. Who knows maybe we are extra sensitive. Hang in.there you are so close. You will get better. We are here for you

Awe... thank you. I'm in the middle of applying to be a flight attendant and I don't know if I should. That's a super intense job and right now the way I feel... I'm not sure I will be able to handle it. I applied months ago BEFORE the sxs's started. I'm so sad to think I might have to pass up an opportunity like that.

Regarding people not responding to your posts... I don't think people like reading about struggles, or they don't know what to say, etc. I'm used to it... especially from family and friends. Except for about three people everyone has disappeared. I just never thought it would be this hard but I've been doing this for two years and I'm not going to give up. I would feel like a failure. When my Dr. handed me literature a few years back stating that Benzo's were linked with dementia I made up my mind to quit and I'm determined to get this out of my body. Whatever comes as a result... I guess I will accept. Anyway... I hope we both get to feeling better.

September 29, 2019

Raquel,

I have been in your exact shoes with desperation!!! I am so sorry you are feeling like this!!! My thinking was so far off that I was in dire need of help! But I know now it was the drug to blame!!! It really does mess with us, my thoughts were totally hyjacked!!! I had to go spend my days with my 78 year old parents who tried to understand what I was going through when my husband went to work each day, as I could not be alone. I was so bad I had to be reinstated for my own good, and began to stabilize, (except physically...my symptoms stayed, but psychologically), I slowly started to feel more like myself. If I noticed I was thinking not straight, I would tell myself things like I was NOT going to let this drug win! Because it wants to and tricks us into thinking it can!!! I started doing nightly mantras of positive phrases and to this day, say them every night over and over!!! I think it has really helped me, even when I have felt so rotten!!! It is now part of my routine! Just know you have been fighting and even when you get beat up, you ARE going to get back up! It's okay to take some down time, to be sad or anxious, feel doubt that you will succeed as you suffer through each day, but when you are ready, you will continue your fight!!! The wind gets knocked out of us every now and then, but then we catch our breath and rise!!! Keep your gloves on!!!🥊

❤,

BLL

September 29, 2019

Wow... the encouragement that I gave you was to accept that this is going to be over in a couple of months if you don't drag it out. I have been there. Instead of focusing on the misery NOW - you need to fast forward your life to what you want it to be without the Benzo Withdrawal. Can't get any clearer than that so if you think that this is not encouraging... so be it. The reality of going THROUGH Benzo Hell is this. But I know that feeling of feeling alone in a crowd too so I guess this is also another symptom of withdrawals - not seeing advice for what it is: ENCOURAGEMENT. So I will say it again: YOU CAN DO THIS! Write it off...

What is this if I didn't say thank you? Did you not see my reply?

Online RaquelRocks

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