What hope do I have?

[[Th...]]

I’ve had a fullness in my head and brain tremors for 16 years. I would always have to do certain coping methods every night to help me feel less disconnected. I’ve also suffered from DPDR in varying degrees all these years. I fought med free to climb my own personal Mount Everest, exposing myself and using pure will to withstand the symptoms and move forward in life. I thought that all my major symptoms were behind me but last fall I guess I pushed myself too much and nervous system let me down again. I started experiencing DPDR again and a weird symptom where I was watching tv and it felt like my brain short circuited and it’s like I lost consciousness for a few seconds. That was it I said, I’ve tried so hard to battle this condition. I threw everything natural I knew at it. Must have spent at least 50 k in natural therapies. Damn thing wouldn’t go away. I kept on telling everyone that I felt like my brain is stuck and full and vibrating and making me feel like I’m in a dream. Nobody understood. Winter was also coming and always makes my symptoms worse. I finally gave in and went to my GP for SSRI to fight my winter anxiety and depression. It turns out the antidepressant turned on me and gave me unbearable depression. In a last ditch effort to avoid going to the hospital I took a Lorazepam. I tried Lorazepam a total of 10 pills in the past 16 years. Something inside of me never continued taking them for a few days when I did try them. Well the 1 mg Lorazepam I took saved me from that unbearable chemical depression the SSRI put me into. I felt like Lazarus resurrected from the dead. The rest is benzo history you can see on my sig. as I CT 2 months in of K I went into a horror state, DR, 2 hours a night sleep. I went back to reinstate cause couldn’t handle the symptoms. Looking back those symptoms were a joke. Before I added Remeron to the mix I was staring off into space like I was going to have a psychotic brake. I had what felt like myoclonic spasms, Akathisia, inner and outer shaking AND I’m still on quite a bit of K. So I’ll be 50 this year and I’ve lost the will and hope for the first time in my life. All that effort all those years to fight on med free only to have me dependent on the most dangerous drug in the world. It happened so fast. Almost like my path was cursed to inevitably end up on this drug.

 

Had to get that off my chest!

[[co...]]

Hang in there, Everyone goes through difficult times. We past benzo users are one of the most tested groups of people on the planet. I don't know your current predicament but there are people out there that have suffered far worse pains and torments than all of us.

 

edit: I see you're still coming down from benzos. This will all be over eventually. You'll get through this, as other people have. Try to remember that.

 

Good luck.

[[Le...]]

Greek... you are on the right path.  This is called Benzo Hell.  You are going to heal and life will be better than it ever was.  Great job tapering and be gentle with the words you use to encourage yourself.  Love that you are conquering your own Mount Everest! 

[[Th...]]

Thank you for your encouragement. I agree that there are many people that suffer and have suffered more than myself. What worries me is that I had fullness in the brain and DPDR/ depression for years unmedicated. I was already in a deep hole before this benzo business.

[[Ma...]]

I know you struggle Greek, I so hope things ease some for you soon.  You have become a part of bb and we will be here for you. We will hope on days you aren't able.  Love you, Mary 💜💜💜

[[Th...]]

Self pity won’t get me anywhere but dig a deeper hole. I really must change my attitude

[[bu...]]

Self pity won’t get me anywhere but dig a deeper hole. I really must change my attitude

 

:thumbsup: