Not feeling guilt for being a burden to spouse.

[[Mr...]]

Today was so tough I have been through so much with my husband we have two boys together and 19 years.    I want to be affectionate and. Loving and I can’t.  I can barely lay next to him because I don’t like to disturb his sleep for work.  I almost feel like he deserves better. I am only 38 and was put on Ativan for 6 weeks .5-1 mg.  I have been so sick with numerous symptoms    I lay Next to him and just stare wondering if I will get to have those moments again.  I just want to cry 

[[Be...]]

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. Emotional blunting is part of this process. Actually, it's not only part of the process, but part of the drug's effect. I would encourage you to have a talk to your husband about how this is affecting you. Knowledge means a lot. It is a salve for uncertainty and all the spinning thoughts that brings. Your husband may be wondering if you have lost feelings for some other reason. It's important to let him know that, deep down, you know you still care, but expressing it is being hampered. I have similar difficulties. The only people that breach this barrier are my kids, somehow, maybe because they are a part of me, I still feel everything for them.

[[Mr...]]

How much can one take    I fear all our memories and how deeply in love we were will never be again I want so badly the affection and love.  Even with my kids.  I lay and stare at him while he sleeps just praying for a miracle.  Thinking about our lives.  How much we pushed through yet how deep we loved even with fault.  Does he now deserve something fulfilling.  Considering all my symptoms in a short amount of time one month my life has changed and I can’t take it back.  I worry because I have so much I will not heal or it will take a miracle and years on end

[[bo...]]

I feel similar to my wife and daughter. On top of not having feelings of love, I often feel angry at my wife and daughter for no reason at all. It's miserable. I constantly wonder if I'm not right for my wife. But I've never felt this level of anger or emotional disconnect toward them before. I am waiting for this to burn off as another terrible symptom.

 

I also wake up all night and want to wake my wife up but I just let her sleep as I toss and turn.

[[Be...]]

How much can one take    I fear all our memories and how deeply in love we were will never be again I want so badly the affection and love.  Even with my kids.  I lay and stare at him while he sleeps just praying for a miracle.  Thinking about our lives.  How much we pushed through yet how deep we loved even with fault.  Does he now deserve something fulfilling.  Considering all my symptoms in a short amount of time one month my life has changed and I can’t take it back.  I worry because I have so much I will not heal or it will take a miracle and years on end

 

I'm divorced. A lot of things went into that, but two of them were distancing and, related, benzos and attempts at benzo withdrawal. One of the reasons I can never feel close with my ex-wife is the total lack of support I received. In part, that affected my ability to quit on previous attempts. That's why I say that it is critical to talk about these feelings, in part to see how he will react. The other part is that it will likely be cathartic to you.

 

I don't know what to say about the reclaiming of deep love. Many recover and find a renewed sense of appreciation for everything, including their spouses that have supported them through the process. Others, can never quite get it back. But then again, that is not something unique to benzos, it's a test for any stressor in a marriage or relationship. What I will say is that you have to give your spouse the opportunity to prove his support. I have no doubt that if they are supportive, you are likely to come out of this okay with them, maybe even better. It may also help in the immediate time.

[[Mr...]]

This is so sad.  Never to feel or have that back is beyond devastating thru are innocent bystanders to this mess my doc gave me a medication for 6 weeks. I was hesitant for awhile and I caved in how can I accept and forgive myself  :'(

[[Be...]]

This is so sad.  Never to feel or have that back is beyond devastating thru are innocent bystanders to this mess my doc gave me a medication for 6 weeks. I was hesitant for awhile and I caved in how can I accept and forgive myself  :'(

 

You didn't and haven't done anything "wrong." Many of us came by similar circumstances, not knowing of the difficulties that would face us. One of the things we tend to do in these situations is project upon things and over worry. Just be open and honest. Do your best. Yes, this can be trying on relationships, but trying circumstances can also bring people closer together.

[[Mr...]]

I just feel so empty I want to be effectionate and lay with my spouse and just feel loved but I can’t and as I think about life I am worried I can never have that again and if my brain gets worse I won’t even have those memories.  I makes me so sick.  I know I didn’t know when I took it.  I feel all sick today my legs my back agitated and frustrated

[[Be...]]

I just feel so empty I want to be effectionate and lay with my spouse and just feel loved but I can’t and as I think about life I am worried I can never have that again and if my brain gets worse I won’t even have those memories.  I makes me so sick.  I know I didn’t know when I took it.  I feel all sick today my legs my back agitated and frustrated

 

Hi, troubled buddy. Read the success stories. It's inspiring reading. Do a search on anhedonia.

[[Ha...]]

I think the fact that you want to have those experiences again means you are more aware of those feelings than you may be able to perceive at this time.

 

Withdrawal is hard, don't give up. Dampened emotions are normal.

[[Mr...]]

Thank you for noting that you think some can’t even notice that is a problem