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Depression at 2 months out


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I slipped into an unrelenting chemical depression shortly after starting my taper in April, 2018. At two months out, I am just existing day to day. I call this chemical depression, because it is like no other experience I had previously. Not even after loss of a loved one. It is a total absence of will to do anything. I have to force myself to keep up personal care. It is a struggle to even talk to loved ones on the phone. I walk around in a total fog and can barely remember that I was once interested in anything, able to complete a task requiring more than one step, or even able to enjoy reading a book. When I think about the one to two, or more years to heal, I am terrified. I do not expect to be sxs free. And I do not think it is that hard to believe that it could take more than a year for the nervous system to recover from this type of trauma. I am glad I didn’t know that when I started. I am not sure I am that courageous. I would love to hear from people who have had a similar experience and have found the second year to be more tolerable in terms of depression. I am holding on to hope that I will not remain at this very low level for many more months or years. I am losing my ability to function even marginally for the people I love and that is destroying my soul. Just a tiny glimpse of my former self, would be a miracle to me. I hope someone can offer me some hope. I do believe there is healing in time. But years of living with no let up of depression seems impossible for anyone to endure. Esperanza
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I had that brutal depression at 2 months off also , It was so bad I had to check myself into inpatient for ten days just so I could feel safe.

I am now 9 months off and I am symptom free . So keep your chin up , when I felt like you do now I never thought it would end but it did.

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Thank you so much for that reply. I really needed some hope. It probably should not be surprising to be depressed after this traumatic assault on our minds and bodies. I it good to hear from others who can remind me that depression in withdrawal is not just an issue for me. That makes it a little easier to see it as no more ominous than any other sxs. ♥️Espy
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Hey Esperanza.  If it makes you feel any better, it is totally normal.  Just keep reminding yourself that you are doing the most badass thing possible...and that is surviving one more day WITHOUT benzodiazepines.  Even on days you may not be able to take a shower, that is still a huge accomplishment to be proud of.  One foot in front of the other, we got this.
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Thank you, Ican. I hope those terrible pains ease up for you soon. I have not had that, as of now. I assume you must have felt the depression, as well. What a load of stuff we have to go through! You have great courage and I know you will triumph. Espy
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