Should I be distracting myself from my hopeless existence

[[Ta...]]

Tapered from to .5mg clonazepam holding since Feb.

My life seems to now be empty there is nothing there  I have had to empty it of everything so I am not continually anxious. I cant think of money (we dont have any just debt, my wifes works to just keep us afloat) I cant think of the future ( with no money no job it terrifys me)  I struggle to do anything even tidying the garage as it overwhelms me. I dont want to leave the house I get my wife to take me to appts at my psychologist ( who doesnt seem to understand my symptoms).

 

I spend my day reading and distracting myself from life as it seems the only way to survive and not be in a constant state of anxiety with heart palpitations etc.

 

 

Distracting myself all day by reading or watching inane tv programs seemed to make sense as I could stay calm but I dont know anymore. It feeds the complete lack of purpose I feel, the hopelessness (if I bother to think about my life which I desperately try not to).  It must be while I feel so empty like an empty husk.

 

Should I be distracting myself  and by doing so will things get better in time where I can get back to a normal life.

 

I wanted to get of the cycle of continual doseage increase and other side effects from clonazepam but its seems no my life is destroyed and I have absolutely nothing of the life I had when I was on them.

 

This week I start a direct taper to get off the last .5mg tablet I dont know what life awaits and I hate the effect I am having on my family my wife in particular.

 

Sorry for venting but this just seems so hopeless with nothing good in sight, benzo's have destroyed my life, my ability to work my future my usefullness.

 

 

 

 

[[Mr...]]

I don't have any answers. I'm feeling the same way lately. I want to be done as quickly as possible, but my appetite for more suffering is not there. It really feels like a slog lately.

[[JJ...]]

Talisker your post pretty much sounds like me a few months ago when I did my big cuts.

Tapering slow and steady and gradually feeling better now.

Don’t give up, grit your teeth and do what you’ve got to do.

 

 

[[Ta...]]

Thanks yeah it just seems to go on and one . I really want to get back into the workforce I dont know how we will survive financially but its not easy right now to even contemplate it, let alone when I will be in my early 60's how it might be possible. The distraction works great but it seems I am just letting my life slip away uselessly.

 

[[Ma...]]

Talisker, hi.  Being able to distract yourself is actually a gift.  Many people can't, they just pay attention to every second of the withdrawal and that is excruciating for them.  You might try some short walks or any small thing that may give you a feeling of accomplishment, then go back to distracting  . Wish you lots of luck.  Mary 💜

[[An...]]

I can so relate to this post. These drugs have also completely wrecked my life too. I lost my fantastic job of almost 30 years and had to go on disability. I feel so defeated and like just giving up @ times bc the pain from these drugs seems never ending.  :'(

 

 

[[Ca...]]

Talisker, hi.  Being able to distract yourself is actually a gift.  Many people can't, they just pay attention to every second of the withdrawal and that is excruciating for them.  You might try some short walks or any small thing that may give you a feeling of accomplishment, then go back to distracting  . Wish you lots of luck.  Mary 💜

A good point Mary..!!

 

My situation, and the ability to be able to distract has been a blessing... Tails, You describe it well, I often think of it as a total loss of any “reward for effort” chemistry..

 

But I did want to say that at the better points of my various tapers, I got to feel the life and motivation improve (I was tapering pretty slow by then)..

I would say “life” came back on its own, but it kinda promoted a wholistic chain reaction that had me going from many months/yrs of pretty bed/lounge bound to out dirt bike riding in the mountains and extended 4x4 camping trips, etc..

Im back in it, flat as a tack again after some recent med (non benzo) changes, but I can feel myself picking up again and know it will be ok...

 

So I just wanted to say I hear you too, -and it is a huge thing to face as it feels (to me) like losing ones very soul...  But I wanted to also share a bit of hope.. -It will get better, and any gentle push you can give it will only help.. But there sure were lengthy times for me when all I could do was accept and distract... Looking back, that was probs best for me at the time... -Very quiet enforced healing time perhaps..

 

All the best..

 

 

[[Ev...]]

Talisker hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. I felt this way through the majority of my taper. I am about 3.5 months benzo free and I feel SO MUCH better. There are of course tough days, but there are good days too. Acute was very hard, but the taper was hardest for me. I too could not work due to the severity of my symptoms. I had to go out on disability towards the tail end of my taper and I am still currently out, however I feel like I will be able to return to work very soon. Distraction is key, it sounds like you are starting to find things to distract yourself with like reading. If possible, I would recommend trying to get fresh air every day. I know its hard, I was agoraphobic for months, but that is gone now! I still have social anxiety but its no longer crippling. Perhaps a quiet walk, or taking your book to the park and reading on a blanket under a beautiful tree (this really helped me). I didn't want to be around people for months, but I find nature to be a good companion and we all need vitamin D! Hang in there my friend. My taper was hell but I immediately felt some sense of relief when that drug was out of my system and every month I can feel my healing progress. You will be OK! One day at a time.

[[ph...]]

Talisker, I can totally relate to this right now in so many ways. I know for me, distractions are the only things that get me through the days. Whether it's reading, watching an embarrassing amount of baking shows on TV, or just sitting outside on my porch in the sun, I would prefer anything no matter how small or silly or life wasting it feels over feeling the full impact of this suffering while the world seems to move on without me.

 

Every moment you are distracting yourself and taking control that way, you are getting hours, days, and weeks closer to getting back to your life. I try to remind myself when I am not so paralyzed by depression and anxiety that my only job right now is to heal and get better, despite how badly I want to be working, be functioning normally again, and to not feel so useless to my husband. Even though it feels like you're never going to get better or that this wont end, it will. It's only temporary and never stop reminding yourself of that. When you feel hopeless, remember that's the withdrawal talking and lying to you. You ARE going to get through this and get back to your life again. Hang in there, know that you aren't alone, and I really hope you can find some relief soon.

[[Be...]]

A good point Mary..!!

 

My situation, and the ability to be able to distract has been a blessing... Tails, You describe it well, I often think of it as a total loss of any “reward for effort” chemistry..

 

But I did want to say that at the better points of my various tapers, I got to feel the life and motivation improve (I was tapering pretty slow by then)..

I would say “life” came back on its own, but it kinda promoted a wholistic chain reaction that had me going from many months/yrs of pretty bed/lounge bound to out dirt bike riding in the mountains and extended 4x4 camping trips, etc..

Im back in it, flat as a tack again after some recent med (non benzo) changes, but I can feel myself picking up again and know it will be ok...

 

So I just wanted to say I hear you too, -and it is a huge thing to face as it feels (to me) like losing ones very soul...  But I wanted to also share a bit of hope.. -It will get better, and any gentle push you can give it will only help.. But there sure were lengthy times for me when all I could do was accept and distract... Looking back, that was probs best for me at the time... -Very quiet enforced healing time perhaps..

 

All the best..

 

Thank you so much for saying all that! It gives us all hope in our moments of darkness

[[Ca...]]

A good point Mary..!!

 

My situation, and the ability to be able to distract has been a blessing... Tails, You describe it well, I often think of it as a total loss of any “reward for effort” chemistry..

 

But I did want to say that at the better points of my various tapers, I got to feel the life and motivation improve (I was tapering pretty slow by then)..

I would say “life” came back on its own, but it kinda promoted a wholistic chain reaction that had me going from many months/yrs of pretty bed/lounge bound to out dirt bike riding in the mountains and extended 4x4 camping trips, etc..

Im back in it, flat as a tack again after some recent med (non benzo) changes, but I can feel myself picking up again and know it will be ok...

 

So I just wanted to say I hear you too, -and it is a huge thing to face as it feels (to me) like losing ones very soul...  But I wanted to also share a bit of hope.. -It will get better, and any gentle push you can give it will only help.. But there sure were lengthy times for me when all I could do was accept and distract... Looking back, that was probs best for me at the time... -Very quiet enforced healing time perhaps..

 

All the best..

 

Thank you so much for saying all that! It gives us all hope in our moments of darkness

A pleasure... -Its been a good thread for me too.. Having to simply distract fir long periods can often be misunderstood and even frowned upon at times, so its good to be in understanding company..

And I might even attempt a book under a tree as my eye gets better, -and the rain stops... lol

God I miss a good book..!!

 

 

[[Mo...]]

You summarize everything so well, except the distraction part for me.  EVERYTHING feels overwhelming - simple tasks that were nothing before are mountains now.  I am not able to distract - reading a book right now, I cannot do, whereas I could just a month or two ago.  My comprehension and cognitive abilities have declined greatly, as well as my ability to stand and physically function.  Oh what I wouldn't do to be able to distract from this horror....to sit still from the akathisia long enough to watch a TV show or read a book and be able to grasp what is going.  I have a long ways to go, at .5 mg, not even dropping but holding since January......  You will get through this - can't believe how far you have come and how well you are still doing physically honestly. 

[[Be...]]

Hello Momo7babes,

 

Your posts suggest otherwise - that your cognitive abilities have not deteriorated. You're just probably having a bout of anxiety, but it wouldn't hurt to consult with you psychiatrist, if you can.

 

Some days I find myself reading a book so smoothly, but other days it's the most daunting thing in the world. What I find that usually helps, is to become slowly aware of your surroundings (especially if you're in a park on a bench), and just don't push it for 15 minutes. Then try reading again, and see if it goes. If it doesn't, again. Relax, enjoy the sun (if it's sunny), and then slowly resume reading. It helps.

 

If you're reading at home, well, screw it, some days we're not destined to read. I can assure you you sound perfectly cogent, and your cognition is unaffected At least to me.

 

The only reason why I'm so confident is that whenever that has happened to me, it's always been anxiety trying to confuse me otherwise. Hope it helps 

[[...]]

Benzos are poison that ruins every ones life. It would be better to get off the drug as quickly as possible. I felt the same as you do every day. I'm now almost 5 months off took some benzos in 4th month mistakenly. But I do see some progress. Just hold on and trust God. Every thing will be OK. It takes some time to get this poison out of the body.

[[Mo...]]

thanks BenzoMutant.  I was a pretty intelligent analyst and now I can barely think - it takes a lot of effort. writing/typing and reading small things is much different than following a plot or story or conversation.  this isn't just anxiety, though I definitely have that and no, psychiatry cannot help, especially with benzo w/d anxiety (which is 10X worse than normal anxiety).  psychiatry is part of how i got into this hellhole that i am already in. 

 

 

[[Be...]]

No kidding!

 

I also did years of CBT counselling, so I'm well-equipped with practical advice for many benzo symptoms. The problem is applying them yourself. That's why you always need an outsider's perspective, I guess 

 

Maybe I misunderstood you though. How did you get into this hellhole due to psychiatry?

 

Regards,

BenzoMutant