Dealing with sheltered minds.

[[Pe...]]

This is for anyone with people in their lives who maybe mean well(maybe don’t) but don’t have the ability to show it.

 

Last night my sister told me word for word “you’re crazy. In a sad mental illness kind of way.”  Now just reading that statement I would immediately think whoever said this was a very mean hearted person who wanted to make someone feel like shit.... but you know what?  I am getting so much better at dealing with family members who don’t get it. She doesn’t have the ability to understand and that’s ok. She doesn’t have the desire to learn empathy. And that’s ok. She doesn’t always communicate things to me that are helpful and nurturing. And that’s ok. Through out this journey i have made a very conscious effort to distance myself from just about everyone, with a few exceptions, I was angry about it at first. I felt like everyone should have some compassion and just TRY to understand. I have really begun to let that go. A few weeks ago after a statement like that I would have been shaking with anxiety and sadness. But I actually laughed. I more so feel sorry for her because I know she lacks a level of depth that only these experiences can bring a person. She is not me and she doesn’t have to be. This journey has taught me to love her and everyone else who doesn’t get it... and to be so thankful for the people who text me every single day asking me how i am. There is good in the world you guys. If you’re in a bad relationship. If your family is treating you unkind.... let that be what it is. The more we stop trying to fix them and concentrate on healing ourselves the better we will all feel. Just wanted to rant for a minute. I know all of us have struggled at one point or another with people not understanding. Distance yourself from negative energy and be kind to urself. I simply replaced her words to me with my own self talk. “You’re not crazy, you’re learning, you’re growing, you’re conquering”.

 

Here’s to healing! 

[Guest [St...]]

Well said! Wonderful. Thank you.

[[mo...]]

Yes 🦋

[[Ma...]]

People can't cope with too much "different", whatever that "different" is. It's a survival mechanism, it's normal. Once you're feeling better, you won't be able to do much of this either. You'll understand it, you'll have compassion for it, but it will weigh you down when you want to be buoyant and you won't want it. Already, there are many things all of us are closed to because we haven't experienced it. It's just being human. Some people are better at empathy, for sure, but they are few and far between. Some are just godawful at it but most of us fall somewhere in between. We're all just trying to have as good a life as we can. I've come to feel there's nothing wrong with them, there's something wrong with me, and their distance is as biologically baked in as running from a lion. When you're better, your sister will believe you and maybe come to understand. Or maybe she's at that end of the spectrum that's always been particularly bad at that kind of thing. But for the most part, people will come back, if you'll want them to, and you may find that you do. I've been though this many times. But even so I'm finding that the bridges I thought I'd torched over and over again (reinstating and going through withdrawal several times) are still  there, and that's something, that matters. Maybe they couldn't be there for the harder bits, but they're still around after all these years and that says something. It ain't over till it's over

[[mo...]]

People can't cope with too much "different", whatever that "different" is. It's a survival mechanism, it's normal. Once you're feeling better, you won't be able to do much of this either. You'll understand it, you'll have compassion for it, but it will weigh you down when you want to be buoyant and you won't want it. Already, there are many things all of us are closed to because we haven't experienced it. It's just being human. Some people are better at empathy, for sure, but they are few and far between. Some are just godawful at it but most of us fall somewhere in between. We're all just trying to have as good a life as we can. I've come to feel there's nothing wrong with them, there's something wrong with me, and their distance is as biologically baked in as running from a lion. When you're better, your sister will believe you and maybe come to understand. Or maybe she's at that end of the spectrum that's always been particularly bad at that kind of thing. But for the most part, people will come back, if you'll want them to, and you may find that you do. I've been though this many times. But even so I'm finding that the bridges I thought I'd torched over and over again (reinstating and going through withdrawal several times) are still  there, and that's something, that matters. Maybe they couldn't be there for the harder bits, but they're still around after all these years and that says something. It ain't over till it's over

 

This all makes sense and I have seen it in my own experience in bzd withdrawal and understand, and while I forgive them I do not feel it is any good at all for any society when family members and close friends do this unless they are too unwell themselves to be involved at all.

 

That’s pretty sick in my opinion, and it has changed the way I view people. Now I know who is too frail in terms of the integrity of their character to have enough courage to be what I would call a real person who can be counted on in real life. And to me that seriously detracts from the value someone like this holds in real life.

 

I will forgive and I have and do, it is amazing what I have been able to forgive, but those people are never going to be allowed in to my life or heart the same way—ever again. Ever. They are not really the core group for me and so while they have love and respect from me and would receive care and compassion were they to fall into need, they are not part of foundation of any kind of life that I want to create and they are pretty much out for life. They may think they are in in passing (I actually highly doubt this because I feel they know) but loosing ground with me like this is something that can’t really ever be gained back.

 

As lame as it may sound, I am a ride or die type family member or friend and that is like tiddlywink b.s. behavior that is not the kind of behavior I will make myself vulnerable to ever again.

 

My future has a lot of light and bright in it, and the reason for that is the light I’m going toward and attracted to for myself is the real deal.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I love it, MP, I wish I still felt that way, I've been worn down. It's happened to me so many times that I just think it's the way it is, humans are limited, and I don't expect from love or friendship what I once did. Maybe this is sad, it was a terrible shift to go through, heart wrenching and life changing, but now I think it's just realistic. But my situation is very extreme. 25 years of being ok-ish, then crashing all to pieces. It's a lot for anyone. Maybe I also have lousy taste and pick my friends poorly, that's always possible. The ones that are still around, no, of course I'm not as invested in those relationships as I used to be. How could I be? When something happens over and over you have to consider that it's not "them", it's "you", and if there's nothing particularly wrong with "you" (I'm not perfect, but I'm no worse than the average Jo) it's probably your situation. This falling away happens to nearly everyone suffering from any chronic illness, particularly if it isn't a known one.

[[Pe...]]

People can't cope with too much "different", whatever that "different" is. It's a survival mechanism, it's normal. Once you're feeling better, you won't be able to do much of this either. You'll understand it, you'll have compassion for it, but it will weigh you down when you want to be buoyant and you won't want it. Already, there are many things all of us are closed to because we haven't experienced it. It's just being human. Some people are better at empathy, for sure, but they are few and far between. Some are just godawful at it but most of us fall somewhere in between. We're all just trying to have as good a life as we can. I've come to feel there's nothing wrong with them, there's something wrong with me, and their distance is as biologically baked in as running from a lion. When you're better, your sister will believe you and maybe come to understand. Or maybe she's at that end of the spectrum that's always been particularly bad at that kind of thing. But for the most part, people will come back, if you'll want them to, and you may find that you do. I've been though this many times. But even so I'm finding that the bridges I thought I'd torched over and over again (reinstating and going through withdrawal several times) are still  there, and that's something, that matters. Maybe they couldn't be there for the harder bits, but they're still around after all these years and that says something. It ain't over till it's over

 

I agree with all of this 99%. You said there is something wrong with you and I don’t believe that. I think all of this is part of each of us. Whether we like it or not this is part of who we are and that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with us.  I believe we are all just uniquely us. “Wrong” is something the world teaches us. Society teaches us.... I refuse to believe there is something wrong with people who deal with certain things. I even have compassion for child molesters and murderers. No I don’t want to be around those people but just because they were wired differently doesn’t mean they’re “wrong”. Be kind to yourself. Nothing about you is wrong.

[[Pe...]]

People can't cope with too much "different", whatever that "different" is. It's a survival mechanism, it's normal. Once you're feeling better, you won't be able to do much of this either. You'll understand it, you'll have compassion for it, but it will weigh you down when you want to be buoyant and you won't want it. Already, there are many things all of us are closed to because we haven't experienced it. It's just being human. Some people are better at empathy, for sure, but they are few and far between. Some are just godawful at it but most of us fall somewhere in between. We're all just trying to have as good a life as we can. I've come to feel there's nothing wrong with them, there's something wrong with me, and their distance is as biologically baked in as running from a lion. When you're better, your sister will believe you and maybe come to understand. Or maybe she's at that end of the spectrum that's always been particularly bad at that kind of thing. But for the most part, people will come back, if you'll want them to, and you may find that you do. I've been though this many times. But even so I'm finding that the bridges I thought I'd torched over and over again (reinstating and going through withdrawal several times) are still  there, and that's something, that matters. Maybe they couldn't be there for the harder bits, but they're still around after all these years and that says something. It ain't over till it's over

 

This all makes sense and I have seen it in my own experience in bzd withdrawal and understand, and while I forgive them I do not feel it is any good at all for any society when family members and close friends do this unless they are too unwell themselves to be involved at all.

 

That’s pretty sick in my opinion, and it has changed the way I view people. Now I know who is too frail in terms of the integrity of their character to have enough courage to be what I would call a real person who can be counted on in real life. And to me that seriously detracts from the value someone like this holds in real life.

 

I will forgive and I have and do, it is amazing what I have been able to forgive, but those people are never going to be allowed in to my life or heart the same way—ever again. Ever. They are not really the core group for me and so while they have love and respect from me and would receive care and compassion were they to fall into need, they are not part of foundation of any kind of life that I want to create and they are pretty much out for life. They may think they are in in passing (I actually highly doubt this because I feel they know) but loosing ground with me like this is something that can’t really ever be gained back.

 

As lame as it may sound, I am a ride or die type family member or friend and that is like tiddlywink b.s. behavior that is not the kind of behavior I will make myself vulnerable to ever again.

 

My future has a lot of light and bright in it, and the reason for that is the light I’m going toward and attracted to for myself is the real deal.

 

Absolutely. Forgive doesn’t mean you have to invite them to hurt you again. I will never have the same relationship with my sister or many other people that I did. This was coming before withdrawals though. We are extremely different and prefer to surround myself with empathetic people. Doesn’t make her a bad person. Just makes her someone I choose not to associate with. There’s a huge difference.