The benzo years can breed other insidious issues.

[Guest [St...]]

After spending lots of time looking at the underlying cause of why I originally took benzos I realise so much in the process.

 

If you are on benzos for a long time, and you have been through years and years of cycles of being barely functional and even worse, exhaustion for most of those years and the recovery could be compounded by these problems:

 

In those dark years you spend a lot of time alone, more than usual, you are exhausted so you probably lie down more than usual, sleep is a disaster as we all know  - this all is the perfect setting to breed greater psychlogical disorders than what you originally had. You are lying there and everything is exhausted except your mind.....  you can dwell on the past and get depressed, you can fret about the future and get anxious, you can just think too much and grow your ego in a myriad of unhealthy ways.... this makes everything more difficult if it happens. You are basically forced into a place of bad mental habits.

 

Coming out of this I see in some areas I do not think as broadly or I am not as considerate as my peers  - they matured since 25 to 48 but I learnt fewer lessons, remembered less etc, this has retarded my personal growth....

 

I can also see my ego is inconsiderate in some ways where an issue appears more as ego rather than maturity or experience.

 

Maybe we have to taper, face post withdrawal recovery, face the underlying problem AND play catch up in some areas of our personality. I am referring to those who used benzos for many years. This is really a dominant feature to me at the moment where I am clearly thinking too much, doing too little, like a fool or a sloth but I never saw it for all these years as clearly as I see it now.... work to be done. I have a terrible habit of thinking too much and executing too little. I am slow at most things in my life. I can do any task as quick as the next person but I get stuck in my head between the tasks whereas most others don't.

[[in...]]

As you can see below I spent over 30 years on benzos. In many ways they kept me from facing problems. But I've come up with a saying... "Yesterday gives us the tools today to create our future."  What that future becomes depends on how we put to use the tools we've inherited from our past. It sounds like you have a hold of your tool kit and are starting to construct yourself a new and better life. I hope to do the same. Best...

[[Ti...]]

Wow this is an inspiring one.  I was a short-timer on benzos so my lessons may be different, but I can tell you that such honesty and pulling back of the veil is noted and sincerely appreciated on this forum.  Makes the fight worth fighting.

 

Tiny

[[Gw...]]

I spent my twenties on Valium. I am absolutely playing catch-up and learning (or relearning) things I'm often frustrated that I should have picked up by now. There is cognitive damage left to heal, so I do what I can to be an active participant in my recovery. It's hard not to dwell on frustration or regret. Every time I hit a wall or overexert myself I feel ashamed and have to fight not to lose hope. I continue to gradually improve - perhaps in a more linear way than many.  Physically I am recovered. Mentally and emotionally, I am getting there. Self-care is so important. I write in a journal, read, walk, exercise, get out in the sun, do yoga, spend time with friends and family, etc. It gets better.

 

Take Care,

Gwinna

[Guest [St...]]

Thank you inPDX, Tinypillow and Gwinna. I realise this area on the forum, Post withdrawal recovery is about withdrawal symptoms and coping. I am simply exhausted and battling to sleep. I occasionally get limited symptom panic attacks and wake up from them but I no longer over react to them and pour fuel on that fire.

 

This has just been too long, too long with no significant improvement. The perfect diet, complimented with supplements and significant exercise in all its permutations are not going to get me over the line. I have done a lot of CBT and personally I find reading up about it and considering it myself to be more effective at this stage in my life. CBT is very important especially in modern society where lives are lived on more solitary terms and family units are much smaller and less dependant on eachother.

 

I am fighting for progress, hitting a wall, all the literature and advice I have so far does not "do it" for me yet, but somewhere in there is the way out  - I think I cognitively get all the concepts we should live by to reduce stress and keep it under control but I do not practise it when I am busy, busy working, doing things.... how do we watch our every move/moment/thought?

 

There are hundreds of websites that offer steps of how to reduce stress  - all the offerings are about keeping yourself busy in healthy ways when not working or doing chores(a big part of life). So immediately, most of the offerings from the various sources of assistance with stress reduction can only be done in SPARE TIME OR LEISURE TIME!!! This is counter productive  - most of my life is spent working(place of employment) or getting things done at home  - compulsory things  - it is in this arena where the stress is induced by faulty interpretation of stimulus - most of the CBT and stress reduction literature does NOT OFFER INSIGHT INTO TACKLING THE SIDE OF LIFE WHERE WE ARE SPONGES FOR STRESS  - rather, they offer help and tips on how to reduce the stress we foolishly sucked up.

 

Reducing stress is pointless!!! Rather learn how not to build up stress, how to not be a stress sponge, how to be an isolator for stress as opposed to a conductor of it! How come nobody talks about this? Not in my life so far anyway.

 

There must be a way. One that is mindful enough of our colleagues, peers and loved ones.

 

Words fail me.... I will keep trying to elucidate this possibility.....

[[Ma...]]

If you're taking supplements, stop. That could be aggravating your symptoms. If you're drinking, stop, alcohol is a wet benzo, it will slow things as well. Cut out all caffeine (I just did that and I can't believe how much better I'm sleeping! Even the cup of decaf tea a day was affecting me). Eat whatever you want, limit sugar.

 

You are still a baby in all this. It's too soon to evaluate long term patterns created through this process. You are not who you'll be when healed, not yet. I can see you're a thinker, but try not to take yourself too seriously at this moment. Just like how, in looking back now, you see clearly how the drug limited your ability to think and feel, you will look back on this time and see how withdrawal limited your ability to assess. Maybe you have some catching up to do, maybe you'll be even wiser from all that you've learned and all that you will learn while going through withdrawal. You don't know who you will be at the other side of all this, but you will be stronger than you are even now, and likely more loving and more compassionate than you were before. I'm learning patience now, something that has never been my strong suit. Analyze the process as you go, if you like, just remember, you're a work in progress, and you won't know till it all passes what was withdrawal and what was "you".

[[Ti...]]

I agree with Marina.  Being a thinker isn’t always advantageous in the benzo WD process.  It makes you hyper-analyze everything and then give up - rinse and repeat.  And she is right, in a few months you will have outgrown this current thought pattern and be on to a freer one.  The thought pattern I had when I was 3-4 mos out was dark and brutal. Now, not so much.

 

Tiny

[[Gr...]]

I was on benzos for 27 years and I agree with what you're saying here Strive2B.  I recently got a book, "Waking Up From Anxiety" by Khail Kapp, and I think it's great. I signed up for an 8 week online course with him, and it has helped me so much.  It really deals with how to live and not be anxious or depressed or angry and just enjoy life.  I'm sure others probably teach this too.  For me, I was just at the right time in my life for this information.

 

For SO LONG, people have told me to listen to my thoughts, and I honestly, couldn't hear them while on benzos, not the way I can now.  It's like a part of my mind was in prison, and I couldn't' visit it, and when it cried out for help, I would take a drug to ignore it. 

 

I did also try some therapy with CBT and some of that overlapped with the waking up from anxiety book, but some of it was diametrically opposed.  For example, in therapy, my therapist wanted me to write down all the things that bothered me, which made me focus on every thing that bothered me.  Then, in session, I talked about it more.  I now think, that there may be a time and place to focus and figure out stuff from the past; however, focusing on only bad and negative things, will NOT HELP.  You have to try and focus on the good and the happy in the world, even just one small sliver, in order to feel happier inside yourself. 

 

I started on benzos at age 19, and part of me only feels 22 right now.  I put my hands over my face last night, and felt my 40 something year old face, and just cried, cause I don't remember how I got here.  But I'm not in a bad place.  So at least I have that. 

[Guest [St...]]

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement. All of us on BB are at least well informed about benzos and WD etc..... so we are already in a good place or on a strong footing. I spend a lot of my spare time on recovery and I am just attempting to identify a path of what still needs to be covered by me going forward.

 

When on benzos I spent way too much time just randomly chugging along in life. It was simply fortuitous that I discovered BB while in that daze. So yes, I must not get anxious about the recovery, but I really want to be as proactive about it as I can be.

 

May we all find the strength to persevere and the answers that result in healing in every aspect of our existence.