Astonished - 11 years Lorazepam

[[Ne...]]

I was a healthy person man my entire life. Tried pot as a teenager but never really liked it and never  after 17 years of age, only social alcohol and nothing other than ibuprofen or Tylenol.  I rarely saw the doctor for anything. When I turned 30, I had major Abdominal pain. One year of doctor’s visit, after doctor visit - IBS was the dx. Amitriptyline was prescribed, then increased again and again. Didn’t work. I could not believe I had IBS because I never had bowel movement problems.  I had blood in my urine, high protein levels and I slept on my knees at its worst because of the pain. One day my wife’s doctor listened to me after one of her appointments and he said if nothing has been found in any of my test, that I should be happy and to try Ativan for my anxiety. I said I don’t have anxiety, just pain. (I didn’t realize this pain caused serious health anxiety) At my next doctor’s appointment I asked my doctor about it and he wrote the script. Lorazepam (1mg x 3 per day 90 per month in 2007) BAM, It worked. I did not think about my abdominal pain all the time. It was still there but worried about it less and less. This was provided to me by pain management. I had already been taking hydrocodone. Tried a bunch of different ones including stronger meds but this seemed to work the best for me.

Fast forward to 2013 and all this news on opioid epidemic and it scared me. I told myself I needed to get off this. I exercised from the age of 13 until I hit 30 (when abdominal symptoms began) I began working out again in 2013 and 3 months later I was off the hydrocodone. I continued with exercise for years never thinking about the lorazepam. I never realized this is a drug that could be worse than the pain med.

In 2018 my doctor had to cancel some appointments and so I was able to fit into another doctors schedule at the same clinic. She said that I should get off the lorazepam as it was designed for short term use. I said ok, I could do it like the hydrocodone. I never new it would be worse. We started in May of 2018. I went from 90 pills per month to 10 pills per month in August.

In June I had a twitch in me left thumb and in my left eye. I had a coworker die of ALS in 2013 and I thought about him. It passed and I didn’t notice anything for a few more weeks. Some twitches in my back then later in my chest. Then a month later I noticed some stiffness in my neck, then another month later loss of balance, then electrical zaps, burning skin, then floaters, then ear thumping, then more stiffness then some weakness. All this developed over the summer. In September my hand froze. I could not close my fingers. This lasted less than an hour but it really freaked me out. I went online and saw muscle stiffness and twitching as ALS/MS symptoms and I went into a panic. My doctor upped my lorazepam back to 2 pills per day. I never made it back to my original dose. I continued to freak out about the possible diagnosis never realizing Benzo withdrawal could cause these symptoms. When I started the taper, I imagined if anything, I would feel my abdominal pain and or anxiety but not other physical symptoms. Because of the twitching my GP referred me to a neurologist. He said its months out but if I find something sooner, he would refer me. Forbes Norris ALS center in San Francisco was able to see me within a month. After the nerve conduction, EMG, breathing test, all was good. Benign Fasciculation Syndrome was diagnosed. I said no way. Another syndrome but happy that I did not have ALS.

 

As time progressed, I continued to struggle. I had a hard time speaking sometimes, joint stiffness, jaw stiffness, some cramping. My left ear would thump continuously when lying down. I had two more visit at with the Neurologist at the ALS center in Jan and in April this year. Same results. NO ALS. I felt good for a little while but I still did not understand why this was happening. I continually read how ALS could testing is not consistent and I continue to worry. I became more and more distant from others. I sit at home more often doing nothing. I am constantly in pain and feel like crap.

Last month I heard two females speaking in my house. I was the only one there. It sounded like two women were talking on a long-distance phone call back when we all had land lines in the 80’s. It sounded very distant but I heard it. This was not a BFS symptom and something in my brain. Well over the past couple weeks I looked up lorazepam withdrawal. I heard the term BENZO before bur did not realize Lorazepam was a Benzo. I saw a video titled 3 year withdrawal or something like that. I said to myself this lady on the thumbnail has to be crazy. I was curious and the next day I went back to the video and actually clicked on it and watched it. She did not sound crazy. I saw the link to the Ashton manual and when I finally found the symptoms page, all of mine where on there. 

I was Astonished to see my symptoms on there but also all the others listed and the length of time this can take. I was happy to see that I did not have a disease that was going to kill me in a few years. (or believe that I did)

Now the journey has to begin. Since I heard the voices, I had thought that maybe lorazepam had something to do with it and have been taking a quarter of a milligram ever 4 hours for the past two weeks. I want to learn what the best tapering methods are. Should I change to a different medication for tapering. Are SSRI’s recommended. Should i taper pain meds at the same time, before or after?

Thanks for listening and I hope to be free of all this one day or one year.

 

[[pi...]]

Hello Newtonbz,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies. Wow, you sure have been through a lot over the past several years.  I know you were frightened knowing someone who did have ALS when you started having the twitching. You went from 90 pills of ativan a month to 10 in a very short period of time.  I would have to believe that this was the cause of the muscle twitching, which by the way, is a very common benzo withdrawal symptom. I had it myself, in fact when I was first off benzos my entire body was twitching.

 

I'm glad you've joined the forum.  Do a lot of reading so you can plan and implement a sensible taper. A slow taper can help to minimize withdrawal symptoms. Generally, a reduction of no more than 5-10% every 10-14 days is suggested. I'll give you a link to the General Taper Plans for additional information.  You can taper directly from ativan, many people do. Others cross over to a longer lasting benzo like valium.

 

I see you found the Ashton Manual. It is an excellent resource about these types of drugs and how to withdraw. The manual was written by Dr. Heather Ashton, an expert in the field. I'll provide a link for you so you have the information handy.

 

You'll get a lot of support and encouragement as you plan your taper and work towards being ativan free.  We do understand the process and we'll be here for you. Please do ask questions, we're here to help.

 

General Taper Plans   

 

The Ashton Manual

 

pianogirl 

[[Wi...]]

Hi Newtonbz,

 

Your story sounds similar to mine in some ways.

 

I tapered directly off Ativan. A heads-up: you might want to look into trying what they call a 'daily liquid micro-taper (DLMT)' on here. You'll find lots of threads on how to go about it, and can request help from a guy named Builder. A DLMT made the process more bearable for me, and helped me avoid adding SSRIs.

 

Hang in there. You'll get your life and your health back.

 

Wishing you the best with your healing.