What a Wave! Ouch!

[[Jo...]]

I have been tapering since early March and initially I was getting lots of waves. But gradually I started getting more windows. Recently I had five straight days of window. But today I got a bad wave. Brain fog, unexplainable anger, panic, feeling like my brain hurts, etc.

 

I sometimes get this feeling like “ I got this licked” and then I get dropped again to my knees like today by a bad wave. It can scare me so much.

 

Oh well. I plan to ride this wave out and hope and pray for a better tomorrow.

 

Can anyone relate?

[[de...]]

Definitely, John. 

 

Yesterday saw a real reduction in DR, today back on my arse again. 

 

Feel so sick. 

 

It's a common experience from what I understand. 

 

Dee

[[Jo...]]

Thanks Dee. I guess we can both relate. Unfortunately, it seems benzo healing is not linear and is very unpredictable. I have been told I need to adopt an attitude of acceptance toward my withdrawal symptoms. It is not easy but I keep trying.

 

I find that sometimes just laying down and focusing on my  breathing centers me and calms me. I tell myself for this moment in time I simply cannot function even though I want to. I try to be gentle with myself when a wave comes.

 

I don’t tell anyone anymore about my symptoms because they just say to me it is nonsense, essentially. Without B.B. I would feel very alone in this fight.

[[An...]]

 

I don’t tell anyone anymore about my symptoms because they just say to me it is nonsense, essentially. Without B.B. I would feel very alone in this fight.

 

Ditto!...same here John--I just post here @ BB and tell no one IRL anymore bc they think you are are exaggerating and attention seeking!

[[Jo...]]

I agree AntiBenzo7. We are certainly not attention seeking. Rather, we just want relief and a full recovery. A little support along the way can help. Thank goodness for B.B. Only we understand each other!

 

I also came across a quote the other day that I now keep reminding myself of as I go through this taper. It is as follows:

 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

 

Leo Tolstoy

[[An...]]

I have been tapering since early March and initially I was getting lots of waves. But gradually I started getting more windows. Recently I had five straight days of window. But today I got a bad wave. Brain fog, unexplainable anger, panic, feeling like my brain hurts, etc.

 

I sometimes get this feeling like “ I got this licked” and then I get dropped again to my knees like today by a bad wave. It can scare me so much.

 

Oh well. I plan to ride this wave out and hope and pray for a better tomorrow.

 

Can anyone relate?

Yep, I can so relate to what you said John. Awhile back, I had about 2 weeks where SX's were minimal and sleep was improving and then I got slammed again. Keep the faith my friend. Try not to let the waves discourage you.

[[Do...]]

John...I am struggling with the same issues.  It's great to get a window for a few days.  Shocked me the first time.  I hardly knew how to "be" myself again.  I have had a few periods of relief.  But the extreme waves following are so hard to handle.  Mentally, it is so deflating and confusing.  My husband assumes that I am healed because I engaged in normal activity for a period.  I tell him that my state of health changes hourly and you have to ask me.  I no longer concern myself with opinions of others.  I am grateful for the windows but w/d is not finished rearing it's ugly head.  The deep breathing and meditation helps me too!  I can reduce the intensity of a wave with meditation practice.  Let's all hang in there.  We are getting there.

[[Jo...]]

Exactly DoveLuv! Whenever I get a few days of a window the people in my life think I am healed. Then when the seemingly inevitable wave hits and I become nonfunctional again it is almost like they think I am lazy or just attention seeking. I have tried to educate them in the ups and downs ( windows and waves) of benzo withdrawal but to no avail. I can emphathize with them since even I find it confusing. I have therefore now adopted a strategy of staying mostly  alone even in windows since I don’t want to create this false hope. That does result in isolation, however, which isn’t too healthy.

 

Antybenzo7. You mentioned “ to keep the faith.”  I know not everyone is spiritual or religious, but I can just say I just came home from church earlier today and feel so much more hopeful. My faith at times is all that does sustain me in this trial.

[[Do...]]

Yes.  I found that down playing the window is best for everyone.  I just say when in a window, "I am doing well enough to try."  (whatever activity may be.)  When I am in a wave, I say basically the same thing unless it's impossible to function because wave is too intense.  Then I do the isolation if I can get away with it.  Isolation can be a healing tool.  I use it to calm my nervous system and take care of myself.  I cherish low stimulation and a chance to quiet all the chatter and vibration.  It seems selfish to others because I am practicing self care.  They are not used to it.  I had to learn how to practice self care. Praying is self care. One of the few blessings of benzo w/d.  Keep that faith growing!

[[mo...]]

John, if it helps, I found when I had extreme waves for no reason (so I thought) it was often attributed to something I ate. Our bodies become so sensitive that even things like soicy food, certain seasonings or garlic (in my case) can cause a wave. Sometimes a wave is just a wave and nothing we can do but I do think food sensitivities are often overlooked. Same goes for supplements. All the best in your taper.

[[Do...]]

We are all so different.  Spicy food that I make with fresh ingredients makes me feel better.  Garlic doesn't bother me at all.  I stay away from so called seasonings from a bottle or packet.  What I know for sure is that stimulating high stress events sends my nervous system into over drive.  This produces waves.  No doubt about it.  Foods are tricky because they can take hours or longer to trigger sxs.  Tracking food and supplement intake helps figuring all the variables.  Crazy way to live.  I see you jumped Mnt top.  Congrats!