Need Help...Badly

[[Si...]]

Hi,

 

Even writing this is difficult. I live in a constant state of terror and fear. I live in a permanent state of "fight or flight" and I honestly don't know how I can possibly continue.

 

While this online support is terrific sometimes I wish there were in person meetings like you'd see in AA or NA. I live in upstate NY and would love to know if there are support groups to meet with others. Can people please advise.

 

Thank You

[[de...]]

If my memory serves me well there used to be one here in Australia  , Sinker, but think it  closed years ago.  Called Pills Anonymous.  It was a long time ago, and at which time I didn't even use benzo's. 

 

Based on same principles as AA, NA, which wouldn't be of much help to me, as I don't feel a compulsion to use benzo's.  I have been injured by them, and wouldn't use if you paid me. 

 

Couldn't agree more it would be really good to have real life setting to disscuss, gain support, from people going through all you describe.  It is a terribly isolating, frightening, confusing, experience. 

 

I have had the constant terror and fear Sinker, many here have, but it is improving.  Know that it will improve for you too.  Hang in sister/brother.  ??

 

It's not a bad idea, if you are up to it, to place ad in classifieds to see if others would like to establish a meeting in your area.  Grassroots. 

 

Top idea, 💡 maybe I should do it myself. 

 

Thing is, people can feel so sick they can't make the meeting.

 

In the meantime, talk about it here Sinker. 

 

Dee 

[[mo...]]

That’s a great idea Dee. In the states we have meetup groups, maybe you could try that sinker? (Starting one I mean).

 

Have you read Parker’s post “what’s happening in your brain”? It talks about symptoms such as fight or flight / fear and what is happening to cause the symptom.

 

I hope you get some relief soon.

 

[[de...]]

That's a good idea too, mountain.  Parker's article for Sinker, ie

 

Must be getting a bit better.  I had an constructive thought.   

 

You can continue Sinker.  You mightn't think so, but you can. 

 

Dee

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hi,

 

Even writing this is difficult. I live in a constant state of terror and fear. I live in a permanent state of "fight or flight" and I honestly don't know how I can possibly continue.

 

While this online support is terrific sometimes I wish there were in person meetings like you'd see in AA or NA. I live in upstate NY and would love to know if there are support groups to meet with others. Can people please advise.

 

Thank You

 

Hello Sinker123,

 

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time now. I see you haven't posted on the forum since your introduction in Sepember of 2018. You mentioned that you had gone cold turkey from a strong phenibut product.  It would be a good idea to make a signature line with your drug history and use.  Phenibut is different then benzos, although it is a dangerous drug that can also cause dependency and withdrawal. I'd like to see you get the right kind of information from those who have experience or knowledge about phenibut.

 

Here is how to create a signature line:

 

Create a Signature —

 

pianogirl

[[Si...]]

It's the same thing....It's a GABA agonist and it caused down regulation...don't isolate me further.

[[An...]]

Sinker, have you ever taken benzos?

[[mo...]]

Sinker I’m sure the canvas is large enough on this forum to offer support, even if just moral support, for this category of drug just as we do for z drugs. The signature would help to explain a bit about your history and what your drug is/does. So you won’t have to keep explaining. We are here to support you.

[[Si...]]

Thank you...and sorry for being curt earlier....I am not at my best. Phenibut is LITERALLY almost an identical analogue to a benzo... It works on the GABAB receptors vs GABAA. I really don't want to have a debate on this so if you're reading this and looking to have that discussion please opt to move along. Please and thank you.

 

I was hospitilized last year when I abruptly stopped as I was in a state of delerium. I was in the heat of paranoid psychosis where I was imagining the craziest of crazy things were out to get me. I reinstated as I was unable to move past the PAWS associated with it. I started taking Lyrica to help and....arghh....its all gone to shit. You almost have to tip your cap to the hell this stuff can wreak. bc I had no idea life could get this dark.

 

I've been reading about PTDS related to psychotic episodes.... I have been unable to move past the darkness that I've seen during that experience. My thinking is intertwined with the dark thoughts which began during that episode.

 

I know I sound absolutely insane...maybe I am...but I, until this point, was seemingly totally normal by all counts.......

[[Fr...]]

I agree with the second person who replied to your question. I don't NEED or WANT or CRAVE klonopin but I have thought of going to an NA meeting for "support".  At most, you might find like-minded people going through the same fears, anxiety and withdraws, etc..

It is very lonely. And even this board of buddies are all going through different experiences as they withdraw from their drugs.

I know for me, this past week, I have had a feeling on the left side of my face like someone slapped me really hard (tingle/burn). And my chest is vibrating.

I am sorry you feel so bad but I would say give a support group like NA a shot. Can't hurt...

 

[[Jo...]]

Hi Sinker123. If you are titrating off a benzo and that is causing you difficulties there is live “in person” Support now available. If you Google “benzo withdrawal coaching” or something like that on the Internet and YouTube you will find people who have successfully tapered a benzo and give coaching tips for how to survive benzo withdrawal symptoms  and in the end hopefully succeed in a full recovery.

 

They all work by Skype and thus you get to see and speak to the person. I M currently working with one such person and I meet with that person every other week with my questions, etc. If nothing else, it keeps me hopeful and on task.

 

I consider it rather inexpensive for the benefit I receive. I am not aware of any in person group meetings for benzo tapers in NY or anywhere else.

 

Best of luck!

[[Li...]]

Hi Sinker,

 

From January through April I was one big ball of confusion and fear. It was awful, and I don't even remember a lot of it.

 

I'd tried to get off X way too fast and did not understand that it was making my brain spazz (and my body too). Mostly I stayed in bed and looked at the ceiling.

 

Switching to a slow liquid taper helped me out. People here helped me figure that all out. I'm sure that's not the path for everyone, but it has worked for me. My head is mostly clear now. I still have physical issues but not as bad.

 

Yes. Support close by would be wonderful. For me, I have a cat. She has been with me six or seven years I think but only cuddly the last few months. I'd like to hang out with or talk to people, but I'm not up to that yet.

 

Please keep hanging out here and reading about things that have helped others and ask lots of questions. With time and a plan that feels right and for you, I'm sure the fear and terror will go away (though it may not seem that way while it's going on).

 

I hope you start feeling better soon and also that you can find in person support in your area.

[[ea...]]

Lilyann, I am a Cat Lady but not a crazy one so I understand your concern for you kitty. My cat is named Bear and he is the light of my post benzo life. I have a thread under "Calling All Cat People", so please drop in! "Lying in bed staring at the ceiling" sounds very familiar to this old lady. All of this stuff came as a huge shock to me, and the first two weeks I did just as you did. Pray to survive. And we both did. How are you doing now?

Early in my withdrawal saga, I looked for in person support. I even tried NA but it did not FIT me well. Everyone else there had used street drugs and often bought their drugs illegally. Plus the focus on "God" didn't fit me either.

Not saying anyone else would react the same way. I have a very dear friend who has a history of narcotic abuse (legally prescribed) and she goes to one particular NA meeting and LOVES it.

I consider myself very lucky that I found BB quickly as I did. Took my benzo brain a couple months to find the REAL BB site and not the weird freaky fake one.

IF benzo wd were a KNOWN reality by the public, such in person groups would exist. But for some reason, the vast public including doctors, do not KNOW the entire truth about benzos. THAT scares me a lot.

John, that is really smart of you! I wasn't as technical back then nd did not know how to do stuff like that. Yup, I am OLD. And still am.

There are several people out there who do respond to emails. Baylissa Fredericks does and Paul Ogilivie does. Both are truly good people whop do want to help. And we are lucky to have them at all.

[[Ca...]]

Welcome..

 

Just for peace of mind, -Im possibly one of the more "non benzo (damage)" people here, yet in the same spot...  I dont recall anyone here ever even raising an eyebrow... This can all go far beyond just Gabba n Glute..!!

-Even the short term lyrica was like a benzo to me..

 

Wishing you well...

 

[[in...]]

First, I am so sorry to read of your struggles.

 

If you have PTSD, regardless of cause, look into EMDR. It was a help to me and really helps a lot of people the benefits are immediate, that is the best thing. You might also look into Nuero Therapy. I did it for the second year of withdrawl and it really helped calm my brain. During some therapy I also learned how to become an observer of panic/anxiety vs a participant.

 

I have a Golden Retriver therapy dog. She really helps calm me, I can explain my fears and she always listens, always make me feel loved without judgement as to my condition. I can hug her whenever I feel anxious. Cats don't require you go out much unlike dogs. I could recommend a therapy pet to anyone facing anxiety.

 

Keep fighting, looking for support, it can and will get better. 💛

[[Si...]]

Thank you very much for your response.. I have thought about NA. One problem is that I am now suffering from agoraphobia ( not clinically diagnosed). I actually work from home. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. But if I venture out and run an errand I have the most intense and horrible thoughts. it's a constant state of terror and fear. I feel like "terror" is the hallmark of what so many of us are going through. My thinking is so dark - thinking about the person walking down the street is about to mug me. If I walk by a police officer I start to think they are after me which is so irrational as I've done wrong.

 

Admittedly I am also now drinking -  all day long. Red wine just to take the edge of. I absolutely know its only making things worse in the long run. The strange thing is I don't even feel guilty about it. I feel its a totally rational decision and that anyone going through this hell would do the same.

 

I've been doing a lot of reading about people who have a psychotic episode like I did when I abruptly stopped. PTSD symptoms can manifest. I feel like I am in a constant state of traumatic stress.

 

Well, I actually like this board. There is some catharsis here for me. thank you all

[[Li...]]

Sinker - Combining alcohol with a benzo is very dangerous physically and mentally. I hope you will reach out to someone in the medical community about that. Please stay safe.

 

Eastcoast - Even when I was staring at the ceiling and not eating in Jan/Feb, I took my cat to the vet for a scratch on her neck. I got a new vet, so I could drive on back roads only, and kitty and I both really like the vet.

[[mo...]]

Thank you very much for your response.. I have thought about NA. One problem is that I am now suffering from agoraphobia ( not clinically diagnosed). I actually work from home. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. But if I venture out and run an errand I have the most intense and horrible thoughts. it's a constant state of terror and fear. I feel like "terror" is the hallmark of what so many of us are going through. My thinking is so dark - thinking about the person walking down the street is about to mug me. If I walk by a police officer I start to think they are after me which is so irrational as I've done wrong.

 

Admittedly I am also now drinking -  all day long. Red wine just to take the edge of. I absolutely know its only making things worse in the long run. The strange thing is I don't even feel guilty about it. I feel its a totally rational decision and that anyone going through this hell would do the same.

 

I've been doing a lot of reading about people who have a psychotic episode like I did when I abruptly stopped. PTSD symptoms can manifest. I feel like I am in a constant state of traumatic stress.

 

Well, I actually like this board. There is some catharsis here for me. thank you all

 

Drinking is not rational and will definitely cause more suffering. Thank you for being honest about the drinking as some might not. However there are many people on this forum who are taking care of their health and following the necessary steps to heal. Personally I have a hard time offering support to someone who’s not even helping themselves. I know we all have our struggles not one to judge. But I have to take care of myself and three tiny people you best believe I want to drink. Hopefully you find the strength not to as well. I will pray that happens for you. Your sanity and life are on the line.

 

Sinker - Combining alcohol with a benzo is very dangerous physically and mentally. I hope you will reach out to someone in the medical community about that. Please stay safe.

 

Eastcoast - Even when I was staring at the ceiling and not eating in Jan/Feb, I took my cat to the vet for a scratch on her neck. I got a new vet, so I could drive on back roads only, and kitty and I both really like the vet.

[[Si...]]

"Personally I have a hard time offering support to someone who’s not even helping themselves"....very kind.

 

Then don't offer your support and as a matter of fact zip it. You're absolutely right in some of what you said but why use this as an opportunity to make someone else's situation worse? Addressing the alcohol like you did is probably spot on. But you probably know the hell others are going through and how sensitive we are. Everything has such a profound effect and you made me feel worse. 

[[mo...]]

"Personally I have a hard time offering support to someone who’s not even helping themselves"....very kind.

 

Then don't offer your support and as a matter of fact zip it. You're absolutely right in some of what you said but why use this as an opportunity to make someone else's situation worse? Addressing the alcohol like you did is probably spot on. But you probably know the hell others are going through and how sensitive we are. Everything has such a profound effect and you made me feel worse.

 

I didn’t mean to make you feel worse sinker. I’m currebtly having string mental emotional and physical symptoms myself so maybe that was harsh. I will zip it like you suggest.

[[Si...]]

Thank you for saying that....I hope you feel better tomorrow.

 

I have to go to sleep..so exhausted.. for some reason sleep scares me bc of the dreams. I have such a terrible dreams.

 

 

[[ea...]]

Okay, sinker. You have been admonished. I will take a different approach.

All of us ended up on benzos FOR REASONS. For me it was insomnia that I had had since I was a child. Everyone has their own personal reasons why they resort to another drug to ease their pain of some kind or another.

Alcohol works in very similar ways to benzos, on the same part of your brain. But it seems that alcohol is easier to get off of. I would suggest you stop drinking asap. And then, get a basic understanding of how benzos work and what is causing your intense fear, etc. What you described is quite normal in benzo wd. Just about all of us have felt that way.

But adding alcohol on top of it all is truly a bad idea. I think you sense this, from the way you talked about your drinking. I would strongly suggest that you now get just a basic understanding of what is going on, and why you feel this strange and scared. I can tell you it is normal but until you know WHY, you wont be able to deal with it. Knowledge is power IS the truth. Once you have this basic understanding, you will be better equipped to deal with YOUR withdrawal symptoms. Nothing can make them just go away, except for TIME. Time and determination.

I can also tell you that once you have healed from all of this, you may find yourself to be a much happier, healthier person. That sure happened to me.

east (thumbs up to you!)