New to the Group! Looking for community and support

[[Ev...]]

Hello BenzoBuddies, I am currently 3 months off Klonopin after a BRUTAL 8 month taper. I'm really looking for community and support and to learn from those who have come before me.

[[me...]]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online. Congratulations on getting off benzos!

 

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

 

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

 

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.  Chapter III contains excellent descriptions of common symptoms such as muscle issues, anxiety, and hyper-awareness

 

Post Withdrawal Support

 

Once again, welcome!

[[Ev...]]

Thank you Megan!

[[We...]]

Hi Quest.  Sorry to hear your taper was brutal.  It gets better, definitely.  One day at a time.  How much Klon were you taking for how long???  Are you noticing any improvements at all?  Sounds like an 8 month taper was relatively safe

 

I'm just finishing up month four off of Klon.  I was 1mg when I started tapering. 

 

Good luck!  Healing happens, slowly but surely, and every symptom you have is normal recovery.

[[Ev...]]

Hi Welchie, I was on klon for 10+ years, at the most 1 Mg a day. I’m a little over 3 months off now. The good news is I’m starting to experience good windows but still have some really tough days, like today. My anxiety is just off the charts!!! My toughest symptoms are the brain fog, extreme anxiety and depression and just mentally I’m really struggling. But every now and then I’ll have a good day and that gives me hope

 

How are you feeling 4!months in?

[[We...]]

I'm glad to hear you get an occasional good day....that always kept me going.  A little glimpse of hope for normalcy and a sign that healing was happening.  Sorry to hear today was bad for you.  You'll get through it!!!  Quest...every day you're hurting means you're healing and it's worth it.  These pills often felt like I had bought a one way ticket to hell.

 

I did an aggressive taper and I know what you mean about the anxiety.  All of us experience it while healing.  Mine was brutal because I went too fast, but I had tolerance withdrawal pretty bad for most of the year I was on them, so knew I had to get off them as fast but as safely as possible.

 

But my anxiety was so bad that sometimes I couldn't even talk because I was hyperventilating and shaking so bad.  Then I'd be jolted out of sleep - the little I got - at three o'clock in the morning, sweating and freezing and shaking.  Mornings were always the worst, as I'm sure you probably know by now.  Evenings would bring a little relief.

 

One trick I learned was eating small, frequent (and healthy) meals with protein.  It seemed to help some.  Eating clean is good.  I had to get off gluten totally.  And my beloved coffee 

 

I'm four and a half months now and Quest, if anyone told me that I would feel this much better from where I started, I'd tell them they were a liar.  I seem to have turned a corner the last couple of weeks and most days I'm surprisingly functional but still struggling with exhaustion.  I still had some really tough and discouraging days at month three too.

 

I went from being almost bedridden to doing five hours worth of heavy yard work today, and very glad to be alive and out of the hell pit.  You'll get there too, Quest!!!  I was totally convinced I was not going to survive it all, and that I would be the only person who was never going to heal and was permanently damaged, like...forever 

 

One day at a time.  Corny but true.  And watch for any and all improvements, no matter how small!!!  It helped me get through the bad days.

[[Sa...]]

Quest, welcome!

 

Listen to Welchie, she is wise, Benzo Withdrawal experienced, has a great sense of humor, supportive, and makes us feel better even on her bad days!

 

We are healing, SaraSue

[[We...]]

SaraSue  :smitten: :smitten:

 

Hope you're feeling ok today too. I haven't dared to unleash humor on Quest yet...don't want to scare her off 

[[Ev...]]

I'm glad to hear you get an occasional good day....that always kept me going.  A little glimpse of hope for normalcy and a sign that healing was happening.  Sorry to hear today was bad for you.  You'll get through it!!!  Quest...every day you're hurting means you're healing and it's worth it.  These pills often felt like I had bought a one way ticket to hell.

 

I did an aggressive taper and I know what you mean about the anxiety.  All of us experience it while healing.  Mine was brutal because I went too fast, but I had tolerance withdrawal pretty bad for most of the year I was on them, so knew I had to get off them as fast but as safely as possible.

 

But my anxiety was so bad that sometimes I couldn't even talk because I was hyperventilating and shaking so bad.  Then I'd be jolted out of sleep - the little I got - at three o'clock in the morning, sweating and freezing and shaking.  Mornings were always the worst, as I'm sure you probably know by now.  Evenings would bring a little relief.

 

One trick I learned was eating small, frequent (and healthy) meals with protein.  It seemed to help some.  Eating clean is good.  I had to get off gluten totally.  And my beloved coffee 

 

I'm four and a half months now and Quest, if anyone told me that I would feel this much better from where I started, I'd tell them they were a liar.  I seem to have turned a corner the last couple of weeks and most days I'm surprisingly functional but still struggling with exhaustion.  I still had some really tough and discouraging days at month three too.

 

I went from being almost bedridden to doing five hours worth of heavy yard work today, and very glad to be alive and out of the hell pit.  You'll get there too, Quest!!!  I was totally convinced I was not going to survive it all, and that I would be the only person who was never going to heal and was permanently damaged, like...forever 

 

One day at a time.  Corny but true.  And watch for any and all improvements, no matter how small!!!  It helped me get through the bad days.

 

 

 

Thank you Welchie, I’m so glad you are starting to feel better, thank you for the thoughtful message, exactly what I needed to hear! I can’t wait until this crippling  anxiety is gone, I so hate dreading waking up every morning with the panic just coursing through my veins. But I know it will be over, one day at a time!

[[We...]]

If it's any consolation, Quest, the anxiety was the first to go.  The bad anxiety.  But of course, it didn't go fast enough    I don't think the body or CNS can hold that state for too long without something stepping up to counterbalance it.  But I understand how distressing it is.  Are you also noticing an afternoon exhaustion comes on once the anxiety peaks and then wanes?

 

I have a pet theory about it...it's the reverse of why we get the anxiety in the first place.  The anxiety kicks in because the benzos took things too far in one direction, right?  So I think when we get that super anxiety once we're off the benzos, eventually the body will be forced to counterbalance that too.  I hope that makes sense???

 

How's your appetite?  Have you been able to eat ok?  Getting any sleep at all?

[[Ev...]]

I’ve had a few bad bouts of insomnia, now that I’m not working (temporarily hopefully) the insomnia isn’t too bad since I’m not freaking out about having to be at work and performing a job that is mentally very straining. I have very restless sleep but thank God the insomnia has calmed down. So I feel extremely lucky for that. I’ve lost about 20 lbs through this process and I’m naturally a pretty petite person. If I don’t have an appetite I try and make smoothies which I can easily get down. Exercise helps me a lot so I try and exercise every day if I can. My mental symptoms are way worse than any physical symptoms I have. In terms of the anxiety my doctor described Benzos as acting like a brake pedal for the anxiety and then once we get off the Benzos  the brake pedal is taken off and it’s like the accelerator is applied to the anxiety. I think that’s the perfect metaphor for how I’ve felt. I know it will get better, I can thankfully already see small improvements. This has just turned my entire life upside down so I have natural anxiety about how I will pick up all the pieces professionally and financially once this is all done. I’m trying to take it one day at a time and not fret too much about the future. If I get through this alive, then that’s what’s most important.

[[We...]]

That's great your insomnia isn't so bad now.  I think being able to sleep helps a lot with healing from this.  I'm petite too and lost 25 pounds.  So far I've gained back about 21 of it.  Those were scary times.  But a significant weight loss is a fairly common symptom, though some people gain a lot too.  Crazy.  Once the anxiety from acute calmed down some, I started gaining back about a pound a week, like clockwork.  Hopefully in three months I won't be saying....oh, great...look!..I've gained 60 pounds    I had a lot of hair loss too and that's turning around.

 

It's nice you don't have to deal with work for a while.  Yeah, figuring out how to put things back together professionally and financially will probably be clear once you get past the worst of things and you're right...probably good not to fret too much about the future..  This stuff can and does totally turn things upside down and we have our hands full getting through a day.  For a while I used to say I felt like I was diagonally parked in a parallel universe.  But you will get through this alive...though it definitely does not feel like it some days.  Just keep showing those benzos who's boss!!!...by getting through another day without them.

 

You sound like you have a really good attitude Quest.  That will take you far.  I think too much fear about recovery messes with the healing and just creates more anxiety.  And we already have plenty of that in early recovery!!!  But I understand...keeping a positive attitude is like pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.  You'll hear it a lot about benzo recovery...time and patience.  And be very kind to yourself in all ways, you're going through something very difficult.