What was the reason you stopped?

[[Ju...]]

Been curious about this one. If anyone cares to share. Why did you stop benzo?

This question is especially for folks that were on conservative amounts like under 1-2mg a day of Xanax/k-pins.

 

I’m still trying to figure out why I stopped. I’m glad I did. But there wasn’t a driving force to make me have to stop.

[[Pe...]]

I reached tolerance.  Felt awful.  Couldn’t leave my house. Worst anxiety attacks of my life.

[[Ju...]]

I reached tolerance.  Felt awful.  Couldn’t leave my house. Worst anxiety attacks of my life.

 

When you say “you reached tolerance” what do you mean by that? 1mg/0.5mg wasn’t effective anymore?

[[Gw...]]

During the decade that I took Valium, my health and quality of life declined so gradually that I didn't notice - or just didn't really mind all that much, because that's what Valium DOES.

 

At first, it was an absolute godsend. I finally felt normal! The pills provided immediate relief from panic attacks and disassociation. I knew I was physically dependent on them, because I felt terrible if I missed a dose. But I only ever took them exactly as prescribed, so I figured it was safe. I was finally able to live a "normal" life. When I was told I'd need to take this medicine for the rest of my life, "like insulin for a diabetic," that didn't seem so bad. I had no idea that long-term use could cause cognitive impairment or damage, or that getting off the pills could be this staggeringly difficult.

 

Over the years I stopped leaving the house. Or maintaining close relationships. My husband thought he was losing me. I had frequent headaches and nausea, and I knew I was depressed, but just couldn't really be bothered to think about it (or anything) very much. I thought I was fine, but had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong. I told myself that was the anxiety - but now I recognize it was the part of my brain that was fighting back, the part of myself that was fighting not to be lost in the fog.

 

Just over a year ago, I crashed my car. It was a normal work morning, I'd had my coffee, I wasn't distracted. I realized that I had absolutely no idea what had happened. It was a wake-up call to just how disoriented I'd become all of the time. It finally occurred to me to do some research and discover that the pill was the problem. Fortunately for me, I found a great (young) nurse practitioner who was knowledgeable enough to confirm my suspicions and help me taper safely off.

 

I'm trying not to be angry about all that time I spent sedated. I'm also trying not to be too overwhelmed as vitality and cognitive function return to me. The world is intense without benzos blunting everything! During acute withdrawal during my taper, I struggled with a lot of sensory overload issues, but those got easier and have gone away by now. I still struggle with mood (anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, adrenaline surges), but on the whole - gradually - I am getting better.

 

Thanks for letting me ramble. This has been a helpful thread to read. Hang in there, everybody.

 

Gwinna

 

 

[[Ju...]]

During the decade that I took Valium, my health and quality of life declined so gradually that I didn't notice - or just didn't really mind all that much, because that's what Valium DOES.

 

At first, it was an absolute godsend. I finally felt normal! The pills provided immediate relief from panic attacks and disassociation. I knew I was physically dependent on them, because I felt terrible if I missed a dose. But I only ever took them exactly as prescribed, so I figured it was safe. I was finally able to live a "normal" life. When I was told I'd need to take this medicine for the rest of my life, "like insulin for a diabetic," that didn't seem so bad. I had no idea that long-term use could cause cognitive impairment or damage, or that getting off the pills could be this staggeringly difficult.

 

Over the years I stopped leaving the house. Or maintaining close relationships. My husband thought he was losing me. I had frequent headaches and nausea, and I knew I was depressed, but just couldn't really be bothered to think about it (or anything) very much. I thought I was fine, but had this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong. I told myself that was the anxiety - but now I recognize it was the part of my brain that was fighting back, the part of myself that was fighting not to be lost in the fog.

 

Just over a year ago, I crashed my car. It was a normal work morning, I'd had my coffee, I wasn't distracted. I realized that I had absolutely no idea what had happened. It was a wake-up call to just how disoriented I'd become all of the time. It finally occurred to me to do some research and discover that the pill was the problem. Fortunately for me, I found a great (young) nurse practitioner who was knowledgeable enough to confirm my suspicions and help me taper safely off.

 

I'm trying not to be angry about all that time I spent sedated. I'm also trying not to be too overwhelmed as vitality and cognitive function return to me. The world is intense without benzos blunting everything! During acute withdrawal during my taper, I struggled with a lot of sensory overload issues, but those got easier and have gone away by now. I still struggle with mood (anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, adrenaline surges), but on the whole - gradually - I am getting better.

 

Thanks for letting me ramble. This has been a helpful thread to read. Hang in there, everybody.

 

Gwinna

 

 

 

Wow. Thank you for the reply. I guess I was fortunate the 5 year span I took my low dose Xanax as I only took it at night and never felt withdrawals or anything. When I stopped there was some slight depression but nothing like this time.

 

This time I only took it for a couple months and had t taken it in year prior to needing it I feel great the next day but when I stopped In nov/dec nobody could prepare me for what was to come. I had no idea a human body could feel this way.

 

It’s good to read the stories of folks taking this stuff 10+ years.

 

A small part of me wants to just go back on. A big part of me wants to fight. It’s just relentless

[[bm...]]

I was on 2 mg of klonapin a day (which is 20 mg of valium equivalent?) along with 10 mg of ambien at night and a mixture of others that I had been on for years. These two were new, after a year on these two I became someone I didnt know. I became numb and detached. I wanted to die, that was all I could think about and it was all because of the medication. I wouldnt have stopped unless i ran out. Day three of cold turkey I woke up from the klonapin fog and realized how bad I messed up. I was in a world of guilt. The pain i felt from withdrawals almost gave me ptsd and I never want to touch a benzo again.

[[Pe...]]

I reached tolerance.  Felt awful.  Couldn’t leave my house. Worst anxiety attacks of my life.

 

When you say “you reached tolerance” what do you mean by that? 1mg/0.5mg wasn’t effective anymore?

 

Yes my .5 wasn’t working anymore. My pre existing issues were insanely worse. I finally realized what was happening and started tapering.

[[ph...]]

I was having repeat cycles of panic/relief when taking the drug 'as needed', then I couldn't even fly out to my dad's funeral because the thought of getting on a plane was too much to bear.

 

I started feeling 'fine' for a few hours after I took my half an mg, then I started to need a full mg.

Realized I was escalating, that I was making sure I had my pills always on me. That I was starting to display addiction symptoms and went cold turkey thinking everything would just 'work its self out'

[[Cr...]]

My reason is because I couldn't stand the dizziness, unrelenting tiredness and nausea. After researching the horrifying effects that benzo has on GABA, I was shocked and I'm still in shock. In my opinion, ANY drug which crosses the blood-brain barrier is deadly. *shudders* 😨

[[Pu...]]

I was prescribed for severe anxiety first few months it helped was a relief but I did notice I needed more to get the same effect but didn’t increase I dropped down over a few months to 5mg a day whilst on other “head meds” I had started to get a bit of I life back but noticed a was feeling more anxiety again also some dizziness and nausea , done a bit of research and realised I was probably at tolerance and experiencing some w/d there was no way I was increasing again so made the decision to taper , it’s not pleasant but I know it’ll be worth it. My anxiety is less now but still have a way to go.

 

I didn’t realise how destructive these meds are so my driving force and decision to get off them was based on the fact that they were harming me more than helping me.

[[J ...]]

Several reasons: First I felt like hell and the meds were not helping anymore. I would ask the doc to get me off and he would say "we are going to retire on them" and I am like nope. That clued me into thinking something was amiss.

 

Second, when I would miss my refill date and run out because I FORGOT, I would panic (as we all do). I am something of a prepper so I wondered "what if" all the drug stores could not open for whatever reason. So I thought the best way to solve that was to get off all the meds. And I did, almost 80 days out for CL, about 60 days for Nefazodone.

 

W/D symptoms included blurred vision, lack of sleep, paranoia, crawly skin, ringing ears which is getting better, loss of muscle, and some others...

 

My biggest problem is sleeping. If I can get 6 to 6.5 hours I am good, 7 hours and I feel GREAT. When I would take a step down from Nefazodone (antidepressant) after a couple of days I would feel great. Wow cant wait to get off the Nz completely. Unfortunately, here I am at 80 days out and nothing. But my post taper is not going too bad, I get paranoid really bad.

 

Here I am at 62, my brain is fried from CL and I need to find another job but I am afraid I can perform. Hell of a place to be but I do feel I am getting better.

 

Good luck,

JStone

[[Ju...]]

Wow these are incredible reasons. This is helping me affirm my decision of stopping. I’ve been entertaining ssri (lexapro) maybe I’ll hold off

[[jo...]]

I started at .5 and every year I was on clonazapam it was being increased by .5

Once I reached 2mg aday I knew it was over my neurologist and gp both said they would never prescribe a higher dose and the only place to go was down.

[[Ea...]]

Been curious about this one. If anyone cares to share. Why did you stop benzo?

This question is especially for folks that were on conservative amounts like under 1-2mg a day of Xanax/k-pins.

 

I’m still trying to figure out why I stopped. I’m glad I did. But there wasn’t a driving force to make me have to stop.

 

Bc they were killing me. Literally making me physically & mentally ill for 2 year’s. The worst part about it is that the doctor’s can’t see what these drugs r doing to ur CNS. It’s crazy. I’ll never consume another benzo again.

[[Fr...]]

I went from having panic attacks every few months to being anxious almost daily. I was very sluggish, had no feelings like being sad or happy. I just felt like a zombie. I am very bubbly and I didn’t feel like myself anymore. My husband has been my support system and he says he feels he has his wife back now. 😊

[[NH...]]

I quit because the world is changing very quickly and not always in a good way.

My new doctor let me know that getting prescriptions filled for Xanax is going to get harder and harder. I don't want to be forced to go CT against my will so I decided I would taper myself off.

I also don't have much faith left in our society and government. They make poor decision after poor decision and I honestly believe there will be war and dark times ahead. That would also lead to me having to go CT against my will.

I used to be unable to leave the house without having my xanax in my pocket. The idea of going 1 or 2 hours past my "pill time" was terrifying.

 

Now that I am at roughly 20% of what I used to take I feel a lot better mentally. The physical SXS suck, but I can leave the house without my pills and the idea of being forced to go CT doesn't scare me, it seems more like an inconvenience than something potentially life threatening.

[[Ma...]]

Reached tolerance a while back. Had to drown myself in beer to get the sleep meds to work for any length of time. After repeat visits to the rheumatologist, discovered I'm chemically sensitive, and started to wonder what ELSE the sleep meds were doing to me. Had a GP tell me that I'd probably never get off the sleep meds, I'd been on them too long. I have a deep and long abiding disgust for the med/pharm/insurance complex. Got into a fight with my PGP over the sleep meds. Been having severe memory lapse issues (not good when the stove is on). Confused all the time. Couldn't hold a conversation without forgetting in the middle what I was talking about. Couldn't understand when people were talking to me. I'd hear a couple words, and the rest was "blah, blah ,blah" Sex drive was complete shit. Researched what the long term effects of the sleep meds were.

 

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

 

All that stuff finally just accumulated and the zit that was my anxiety and anger over the sleep meds just finally came to a head and popped. I just decided one day that I was done. I refused to poison myself any further. I WAS going to get off this stuff. Bought a bunch of supplements/herbals that I thought might help keep me calm and help me to detox. Once they all finally showed up, it was all she'll be apples. Couldn't sleep anyway, and I wasn't about to up the dosage. Gave up beer and kratom first, detoxed from that, then went to detox the sleep meds a week later.

[[Ro...]]

Hello!

I stopped with the benzo dependence, because of several reasons.

 

1) I felt like a slave, I couldn't move without the pills in my pocket. Not to mention the several trips I have to make related to my work. I was terrified if the felt down from my pocket, or if I could lose them, etc.

Very much worried if I had to CT away from home...

 

2) My memory was beginning to be awful. I bought in internet an expensive ticket from Buenos Aires (my city) to New York. And then, the following day, I bought the same but to a different airline, and never recalled that I already had my ticket! Then I felt really preoccupied of what benzos was doing with my brain...

 

3) Horrible nightmares, probably they were panic attacks while I was asleep...

 

4) Brain fog. Not being able to follow the plot of a book that I was reading.

 

5) Etc, etc, etc.

 

Now still with symptoms, but happy because I look those pills away from me. I can say that I have control of my life again...

[[Ju...]]

Reached tolerance a while back. Had to drown myself in beer to get the sleep meds to work for any length of time. After repeat visits to the rheumatologist, discovered I'm chemically sensitive, and started to wonder what ELSE the sleep meds were doing to me. Had a GP tell me that I'd probably never get off the sleep meds, I'd been on them too long. I have a deep and long abiding disgust for the med/pharm/insurance complex. Got into a fight with my PGP over the sleep meds. Been having severe memory lapse issues (not good when the stove is on). Confused all the time. Couldn't hold a conversation without forgetting in the middle what I was talking about. Couldn't understand when people were talking to me. I'd hear a couple words, and the rest was "blah, blah ,blah" Sex drive was complete shit. Researched what the long term effects of the sleep meds were.

 

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

 

All that stuff finally just accumulated and the zit that was my anxiety and anger over the sleep meds just finally came to a head and popped. I just decided one day that I was done. I refused to poison myself any further. I WAS going to get off this stuff. Bought a bunch of supplements/herbals that I thought might help keep me calm and help me to detox. Once they all finally showed up, it was all she'll be apples. Couldn't sleep anyway, and I wasn't about to up the dosage. Gave up beer and kratom first, detoxed from that, then went to detox the sleep meds a week later.

 

Hey. How was your detox from the Kratom and alcohol? Find that difficult?

[[dj...]]

I was thinking about making this exact post tonight. 

 

I don’t fit your criteria as I took high doses of Klonopin for nearly 20 years.  But, the reason I quit is because I was so numb, depressed, and apathetic that my wife sent me to detox and then treatment for depression (which was kind of pointless since I was getting ready to face benzo withdrawal.  I was also very fatigued all the time.  I quit my job and had little motivation to find a new one.  Quitting my job even seemed like no big deal because I was so detached and couldn’t feel anything.  Basically, I was a shell of a human by the end.  The thing is, all the symptoms were so slow and progressive that I could hardly notice things were changing  until the end of my benzo usage when it got really bad.  I remember seeing my favorite band last fall and by all accounts, everything they were playing sounded good, but I literally couldn’t feel the music at all.  I knew something was really wrong then.  It’s like all feel-good chemicals I had were gone. 

 

And my cognition was seriously slipping.

[Guest [...]]

Very interesting topic and I'm glad someone posted about it. I would say I wanted off for many of these reasons, but the comment from NHF I agree with the most. If you have a doctor that prescribes your benzo long term, and suddenly that doctor is not available anymore then you will have a very hard time trying to get a new doctor that's going to continue to prescribe. The fear of having to go cold turkey against my will was a huge motivation for me to taper myself off.

Of course it's not the best or only reason, I've learned so much about the damage these drugs cause. Just grateful to be done.

[[cl...]]

I hit tolerance withdrawal and was extremely sick for roughly seven years! I also realized that once I moved to a new state getting another Klonopin RX wasn't going to be an easy task!

[[Ju...]]

I hit tolerance withdrawal and was extremely sick for roughly seven years! I also realized that once I moved to a new state getting another Klonopin RX wasn't going to be an easy task!

 

I appreciate the response.

 

How have you been since starting trt? I’ve been on for a couple years and when I have good windows I feel great. Right now I’m in a wave. I train hard. Really hard. Count calories, macros, cardio 6 days a week.

[[cl...]]

I hit tolerance withdrawal and was extremely sick for roughly seven years! I also realized that once I moved to a new state getting another Klonopin RX wasn't going to be an easy task!

 

I appreciate the response.

 

How have you been since starting trt? I’ve been on for a couple years and when I have good windows I feel great. Right now I’m in a wave. I train hard. Really hard. Count calories, macros, cardio 6 days a week.

 

I was doing relatively well after starting TRT (IE) I put on 25 lbs of lean muscle mass (NOTE) "Muscle Memory Is A Real Thing" in only 12 weeks @ around 8-9% Bodyfat! Unfortunately I then developed a staph infection back in May of 2019 which required an ABX which threw me into a nasty WAVE! My training since the staph infection has been sporadic at best as I just haven't felt "Physically Well", ever since!

 

Considering you have only been off Benzo free for 11 months you appear to be doing really well! I'm now 100% RX drug free / Alcohol / Smoke free however I currently feel like absolute trash!

[[Ju...]]

I hit tolerance withdrawal and was extremely sick for roughly seven years! I also realized that once I moved to a new state getting another Klonopin RX wasn't going to be an easy task!

 

I appreciate the response.

 

How have you been since starting trt? I’ve been on for a couple years and when I have good windows I feel great. Right now I’m in a wave. I train hard. Really hard. Count calories, macros, cardio 6 days a week.

 

I was doing relatively well after starting TRT (IE) I put on 25 lbs of lean muscle mass (NOTE) "Muscle Memory Is A Real Thing" in only 12 weeks @ around 8-9% Bodyfat! Unfortunately I then developed a staph infection back in May of 2019 which required an ABX which threw me into a nasty WAVE! My training since the staph infection has been sporadic at best as I just haven't felt "Physically Well", ever since!

 

Considering you have only been off Benzo free for 11 months you appear to be doing really well! I'm now 100% RX drug free / Alcohol / Smoke free however I currently feel like absolute trash!

 

I get these windows where I’ll feel 75% and for what we been through I’ll take it. I’ll get a few days maybe weeks like that then it’s back to feeling 25%. Right now I’m suffering bad. BUT! I push myself to the gym with dp/dr, dizziness, panic, etc. I keep telling myself as I’m working out:

 

“They are going to have to carry me out in a body bag for me to leave”

 

So I fight with myself while working out. Trying hard not to lose the one thing I love.

 

Right now is the hardest it’s been in 11 months for me. Panic is ridiculous even at the gym. But I’m trying to muscle through it