what happened to me last night?? help

[[se...]]

about this whole week i've been feeling extra dissociated and depressed. i'm at .25mg and have been holding, i'm too scared to get back into dropping more. last night i was pretty much 'okay' (as okay as a withdrawing person can be) but at about 10PM i went to my room to try and put some things away to go to bed, and i started getting this awful, intense, horrifying depressed feeling in my chest/throat?? it was somewhat different than a panic attack (which i am very familiar with) but i suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of being.... overwhelmed. i kept thinking "i can't believe this is my life now. my life has been ruined for 10 months. i have nothing, i can't do this anymore." over and over. i felt like i just couldn't stand one more second of dealing with my reality. it was so intense and more intense than any kind of depression feeling i've had before.

 

also having a brain injury, concurrently with the chest feeling i felt like my brain flooded. i was seeing things but my eyes weren't registering what i was seeing until 5 seconds after i saw it. all the build up of seeing and then realizing what i was looking at over and over overwhelmed me. i was very very very scared. i tried to take some extra klonopin to rule out the possibility of this being some weird kind of panic attack, so i waited an hour. usually during things like this where i'm dissociating i watch videos to keep me from thinking about it, but i couldn't even look at the screen, i just couldn't keep up with anything i looked at or heard or thought. the gap between registering and seeing things was huge. i felt like perhaps what a stroke might feel like in a way, my brain just was stuttering and jammed.

 

i called everyone i knew out of fear and poor judgement, tried to find someone to talk to. i ended up talking to my aunt, crying and sobbing about how i 'just want things to be the way they were before' (before my brain injury and the concurrent benzo prescription) and i couldn't stop. i prayed to go to sleep and fell asleep full of terror and slipping in and out of consciousness. had nightmares for hours.

 

the more i write this the more it sounds like a panic attack but i don't know it just felt different. like a depression attack. i don't know. i have more experience with panic disorder than depression. can anyone relate or offer insight? :'(

[[Li...]]

Hi seafoam,

 

I hope you are feeling better now.

 

A brain injury and tapering both can cause odd perceptions which can be really scary. Being scared and panicky is or can be depressing.

 

It's good that you did reach out, and it's good that you were able to talk with your aunt.

 

I just wanted you to know that someone is listening and cares. This can feel like a lonely journey. But, there are a lot of us working on and dealing with these things. You are not alone.

[[Fo...]]

You ok now. sea foam ?

[[se...]]

You ok now. sea foam ?

 

hi. i'm sorry i haven't been on, i just saw this. i did end up feeling at least tolerably better the next day, and my therapist called me and we talked for a bit. this whole week i've hit a bad rut in my taper, i've been getting horrid migraines every day around dinner. i feel very faint and dizzy, getting cold sweats a lot. but i'm trying to get through it. lately i've been trying cryotherapy for my back pain and it's actually helped alleviate a lot of my withdrawal symptoms, something i didn't expect. apparently a study showed that it can be effective against anxiety so i think it's a good thing for me to try. i'm having lots of rebound anxiety. i'll try to keep up on here more.

 

-seafoam

[[oc...]]

you are not along seafoam. I have done that a lot. These meds mess with you a lot.  I have spent many nights doing the same thing.

 

Remember that certain SSRIs can cause people to have feelings of suicidal thoughts and severe depression. So any of these meds, whether SSRI or not, that alter the chemistry in the brain can probably cause this. 

[[se...]]

you are not along seafoam. I have done that a lot. These meds mess with you a lot.  I have spent many nights doing the same thing.

 

Remember that certain SSRIs can cause people to have feelings of suicidal thoughts and severe depression. So any of these meds, whether SSRI or not, that alter the chemistry in the brain can probably cause this. 

 

thank you. i think it's just jarring to have those thoughts come from your own head, when it's the last thing you actually want. it's pretty scary. i haven't had them in a few days, just been very shaky and sick, so i think it'll be waves and episodes of those things and not so much all the time.

[[to...]]

You ok now. sea foam ?

 

hi. i'm sorry i haven't been on, i just saw this. i did end up feeling at least tolerably better the next day, and my therapist called me and we talked for a bit. this whole week i've hit a bad rut in my taper, i've been getting horrid migraines every day around dinner. i feel very faint and dizzy, getting cold sweats a lot. but i'm trying to get through it. lately i've been trying cryotherapy for my back pain and it's actually helped alleviate a lot of my withdrawal symptoms, something i didn't expect. apparently a study showed that it can be effective against anxiety so i think it's a good thing for me to try. i'm having lots of rebound anxiety. i'll try to keep up on here more.

 

-seafoam

 

Hi Seafoam.  Are you still seeing a benefit from cryotherapy for your withdrawal symptoms?