3 weeks and 1 day post kpin jump!

[[Ri...]]

A little update for anyone who is wondering how I'm doing. This past week started out pretty good. I started reading a book called spirit junkie which is reallyyyy changing my perspective for the better. It's by Gabrielle Bernstein..check it out. I started feeling a bit better, able to get myself outside to sit on the deck and read. Ive been meditating and praying, something I couldn't get myself to do while in my acute faze. I then started walking a bit, one day I forced myself FAR out of my comfort zone walking quite far from home. I held it together but sort of fell apart on my way back...still made it though. I started doing pilates 20-30 mins a day. Ive been keeping up with that no matter how I feel. I then decided to go on a trip out of state. This was sort of a mistake, I ended up needing to leave a bit earlier than I wanted to but I was just so overwhelmed and I put WAY too much pressure on myself going into the third week. I ended up taking Benadryl, which I think affected me negatively. I had my first full blown panic attack since I stopped taking kpins. I had symptoms I havt felt since before I stopped and it was quite scary. I believe it was a combo of taking a medicine, pmsing BADLY and putting way too much stress on myself. It's been a couple days since then and I'm def had some old symptoms that are slowly calming down again like air hunger and I've been mainly staying in my room again just to allow myself to settle back down from the big stress that occurred. I had/having my first pms/menstrual cycle post benzodiazepine in 4 years. It was always very emotionally rough for me, and physically painful. I'm finding my symptoms are a bit ramped up because of it but thats nothing some rest and time cant figure out. That's really been the name of the game. Time. Time and patience. It's easy to get greedy while you're healing. You always want to feel COMPLETELY better. It's not quite the way it works though. It's slow, it's gradual..but it is happening. Some days are great, some are good, some are bad. I know in time it will all be over, and I cannot wait. To all of you still tapering, keep it up.. You will get to this point and despite it having its own challenges it is a more hopeful period of time than not. I'll be checking in again soon.

[[An...]]

Thanks Riley for the update. Please keep em coming. You are right about wanting this to be completely over with and just feel better from that point forward. I am so sick of feeling sick.

[[Ri...]]

I know how it is Anti, I felt that way while tapering and still while healing sometimes. Its not ideal, but with time things will get better for all of us. You yourself will be a hope to someone who comes after you. Just know that is the reality if you keep picking yourself up and pushing. You have already, and will continue to make a difference for someone who is not quite at the level you are in healing. It makes it all worth it. Hearing my buddies who are still tapering say my words give them hope offers me a renewal in will to keep going. Keep up the hard work.

[[Pe...]]

Thanks for the update. I am a week off today and it’s been a rough day but I’m making it. Just trying to appreciate the times that I feel ok. Today is a bad day but it will pass. I’m glad you’re healing and slowly getting better. I know what it’s like to commit to too much and then freak out. Don’t beat yourself up. Doesn’t sound like you are though.