Intro

[[Co...]]

So I have been off benzodiazepines for 4 months. I was initially prescribed clonazepam back in late 2017 for some general anxiety and sleep issues. I had taken zolpidem prior for about 7 years maybe more on and off. I experienced my first withdrawal in my life late 2018 when I had stopped taking the clonazepam cold turkey not knowing that I could not just stop taking it. I had never felt what I now know as "waves" prior to stopping the benzodiazepine. I believe my doctor had prescribed me .5 mg clonazepam three times daily most of the time I wouldn't even take two and I would go several days between never noticed/felt it issues. However by day 5 of taking nothing I experienced the horror that I'm sure most people here are aware of. Back then not knowing what in the world was happening though was pretty scary. I was driving about 70 miles an hour on the road when it happened pulled off and in a panic found an urgent Care nearby and after describing what was going on the doctor there had enough sense to realize it probably was due to not taking the benzo. When I told my prescribing physician this he seemed shocked that I could be having issue and actually increased the dose as I was still not responding normally after approximately a week being back on the medicine. I was still having waves even being on the higher doses but was somewhat more stable. Unfortunately though due to it constantly happening at work and not having a lot of experience adjusting I found myself without employment for the first time since I was 13 years old. 2 days before Christmas my job let me go even though they understood it was medical-related they still had to let me go. I moved in with my girlfriend who is now my wife and got another job as I was sort of stabilized on the higher doses of Klonopin. However knowing what the medicine could do to me and still not feeling a hundred percent better most days I knew I wanted to get off. I told my doctor who I found out was actually leaving the practice he was at my plan and he gave me the four to six week taper plan to get off of 2.5-3mg Klonopin per day. Upon attempting that taper it was so bad that I could no longer work and was up front with my job that I couldn't continue there. I had worked there in the past and they all knew me but none the less I knew I couldn't continue to work as I tapered. With my doctor leaving and this was about summer now I had to think how I could do this with the amount of prescriptions I had left and how to do it safer than the way I did it before. By this time I had been aware of more people on YouTube and online and read the Ashton manual in more detail, basically was more educated but still a guinea pig. I tried everything I could do with the second Klonopin taper over the next couple months even liquid titration but even going slower it was utter hell by the time I reached .25mg. I had reduced slower but it was still going from 2mg to .25 in roughly four months time which is very fast but slower than my doctor's plan.  I remember being on the floor the day I broke shaking tears in my eyes felt like I was having a complete break and looked at my wife and just said I couldn't continue tapering down that I had to find another way. A lot of ego had to be set aside but I wasn't even human at that point.  I was able to get in touch with another physician that I didn't even know still worked he had been my physician approximately 10 years ago I came to him. Was kind of a blessing as he was very understanding although I had to give him a lot of information in following the Ashton manual. I gave all the information I obtained and the diazepam conversion equivalencies which he had to verify and look up. I was able to reinstate on diazepam at this point I had gone back up to 1 mg Klonopin so my starting point was 20 mg Valium. From mid October of 2018 to January of 2019 I was able to reduce from 20 mg Valium to 0mg. In that year 2018 my wife and I got married we sold our condo in 2019 and she took a job as a traveling sonographer. I have been off the benzodiazepine since January so that makes it about 4 months now. Sleep has not returned although some of the symptoms have gotten far less worse most days. However I'm having a lot of gut issues bloating and trouble sleeping. I went to see another doctor about sleeping explaining that had been on ambien or zolpidem for many years on and off and had never experienced withdrawal. Even though I know z drugs are in the same category as essentially speaking as benzodiazepines and that it was risky I got a prescription. Unfortunately the only way I had been able to sleep was by drinking alcohol and getting to increasing amounts at this point. Basically I am here to say that the waves that I experienced were no better with Ambien than alcohol. I am at a loss what to do about nighttime I have tried every over the counter, supplement, meditation guided or otherwise, but I don't think it's actually just the sleeping part. I actually feel that there is really no sense of well-being and it's an uncomfortable feeling not unlike depression perhaps it even is depression but I can't seem to bridge the gap in finding a way to feel good. I guess if I could have a moment to feel good would be such a blessing at night time it seems everything gets a lot worse. Anyway no more answers need to get healthy need to sleep and I guess I'm just now joining a benzo support community because I feel things have kind of gotten away from me now and I do want to improve obviously. I know from hearing stories that given enough time and general well-being such as diet eating well exercise etc are all essential to that process as well as exposure therapy and just general reacclimation to normal everyday things and society. I exercise daily I do thrive sometimes usually for short periods of time I try to go out as much as I can but I have been homebound majority of the time and can never predict what will happen when I leave the house. I don't know if these things are supposed to be this long but I literally have nothing better going on today 😅 I mean there's a million details I can probably go over but you know that's essentially the story that's where I'm at now so thanks for whoever read this I guess.

[[Gr...]]

Hello, CoopJ - Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

 

Congratulations on  becoming benzo-free!!!  Having problems sleeping during benzo withdrawal is very common.  I would be careful with alcohol, as it is known to sometimes make withdrawal symptoms worse.    I'm so sorry you are having such trouble sleeping.  There are others on the forum struggling with insomnia or sleep problems.  I don't really have a solution, but I will tell you that sleep will return in time, for what that's worth. 

 

I'm so glad you decided to join the forum - you'll find plenty of information and support here. Our members have gone through all aspects of benzodiazepine use and withdrawal, so you'll be able to connect with others who understand what you're going through and can tell you what has worked for them.

 

Please feel free to post to any of the specialized boards, which can all be accessed from the BenzoBuddies Community Forum homepage. Based on the information provided in your introduction, the following links may be a good starting place for you:

 

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

When you have a chance, I highly recommend that you take a look at The Ashton Manual, which is an authoritative source on what to expect during withdrawal and recovery, authored by Dr. C. Heather Ashton, who is an expert in the field. It provides a great deal of information that can be very reassuring during any stage of this process, including a list of common symptoms with helpful explanations on the reasons for their existence.

 

For those who are currently tapering, we suggest reducing no faster than 5-10% every 10-14 days, and some taper even slower than that. One exception: very short-term users of a few weeks or less may be able to taper faster than that. 

 

Please take the time to Create a Signature. This will allow members to see where you are in the process, so that they can better support you.

 

Again, welcome!

Greencup 

 

[[Ma...]]

Hey CoopJ, welcome to bb.  So sorry, you do have a complicated history with all these drugs.  The one thing I will say before you fill out your signature in your profile, please stop drinking.  Alcohol effects the gaba receptors also, and what you need right now, is time for your brain and central nervous system to be able to obtain some stability.  Every time you take anything that again effects your gaba receptors, shocks your system again.  We are glad you are here and will do everything we can to help.

Again welcome and don't forget that signature, Mary 

[[Fo...]]

Welcome

Please give up the booze. Your brain just won’t recover if you carry on drinking. I allow myself one glass of red if I miss out my Diaz but that I know is NOT VERY SOUND

Antihistamines are sleep helps as is melatonin. And much safer.

Good luck, I think the alcohol withdrawal is the first hurdle.

Yours

Dick.