Looking 1 year back

[[Ho...]]

Sometimes you realize heey this was the exact timeframe a year ago and how did I felt that day? Kind of flashbacks. That makes me realize that I am improving somewhat, but it also feels that the time stands still. It’s frustrating to hear you will heal, you will get better. Well I want to believe this with my whole soul and heart, but is it the truth?

 

Hopefully I can look back someday and move on with a healthy and functional life.

Enjoying every moment, being a good father without excuses, being a passionate co-worker, a happy social guy who makes jokes, a beloved partner etc.

 

Anyway, long story short. We will push through another day/week/month. Stay strong warriors, one day!

 

 

[[Sa...]]

Hope,

 

One day soon, I hope!!  I can’t even think a year out.

 

SaraSue

[[So...]]

Hey hope hope hang in there. I am much better than I was a year ago. It’s so so hard and I’m starting to think I’m going to be the exception that doesn’t heal I have so many symptoms still and am so damaged but Baylissa said to me “what makes you so special that you wouldn’t heal” I’m trying to hold onto that. Last year I couldn’t even walk without severe POTS symptoms, shaking, I couldn’t eat without having an upset stomach or throwing up after, it’s incredibly hard and it might take me five years but hopefully I’ll get there in time. This year I’m able to do mostly what needs to be done except on the really bad days, I can be out in public more and around others, I’m even in a wedding next week so I hope that by this time next year things will be better. Stay strong

[[...]]

Hello Friends!

 

You always find strength and positivity, HopeHope, I love that about you!  I know you are still struggling a lot, but you ARE improving 

 

Songbird, I love the Baylissa quote! Thank you for sharing. And I very much agree! How full of oneself should one be to believe that they are too special to not recover? 

 

I too can remember a year ago. I haven't improved all that much, in all fairness, but there are some details which are worth highlighting as they are my signs of healing, even though I keep doubting them. I keep wondering how much of those are me coping better, and indeed, that might be an important factor in the slight improvement, but any improvement IS improvement, and well done me if I'm coping better. That will make me stronger and more resilient for sure. A year back, monophobia was the symptom I would list as the most terrible for me, it was the one giving me the most grief. Every day, I had to come up with something to not be alone doing nothing or waiting for someone to come home. It was awful. I had just survived the day that I was worrying sick over the next, I would have been worried sick over the one after that if I had enough brain resources, but I didn't! So I planned things one day at a time, in utter dread and never feeling hardly any relief from having survived the present day or having figured out a plan for the day ahead. Plus, I would worry over the uncertainty of plans with people not showing up or canceling on me. Abandonment at the power of 10.000. At least. Waw. Monophobia was AWFUL. A year ago, I was just starting to realise I could cope better engaging in group activities and committing to things - I hadn't committed to much in 13 years on meds, I was so undependable... how needs change!

So yeah, if things have changed so dramatically between my time on meds, then off, even if we're not talking about making me feel better just yet, I have to trust that CHANGE is possible, despite the impression of status quo of the last 23.5 months. Underneath the blanket of our awful symptoms, 2 years of healing have undeniably happened for our brains - and that will soon start showing. So keep going Buddies!

 

Sorry for the long rambles again 

 

Healing Hugs!

Julz 

[[Ho...]]

Hi Songbird & Julz,

 

I agree with both of you. And I like the quote from Baylissa.

 

A better and more healthy life lies in front of us. Next year we look back to our conversations and probably don’t think about withdrawal anymore or to a minimal level. Today I had a semi window

Went shopping, bought new lights for my house and thought it’s time to give myselve a present.

New shoes and clothes. Not bad at all for a Sunday. I was thinking, what would it be nice to have someone around. But healing first, step by step.

 

Onwards we heal, although it’s very slow. All the best buddies !

[[...]]

Hi Songbird & Julz,

 

I agree with both of you. And I like the quote from Baylissa.

 

A better and more healthy life lies in front of us. Next year we look back to our conversations and probably don’t think about withdrawal anymore or to a minimal level. Today I had a semi window

Went shopping, bought new lights for my house and thought it’s time to give myselve a present.

New shoes and clothes. Not bad at all for a Sunday. I was thinking, what would it be nice to have someone around. But healing first, step by step.

 

Onwards we heal, although it’s very slow. All the best buddies !

 

Oh Hopehope! This is music to my ears 

Good on you for treating yourself to some new clothes! New clothes for a new man  you deserve to feel like a million bucks, and you will!