20 months out, still suffering. Will I heal?

[[Li...]]

I have one symptom, insomnia, and insomnia is the reason I got on benzos in the first place (worst decision of my life by far).  Now, 20 months out, I get 3-4 hours of broken sleep infused with constant dreams.  Sleep was never great for me, but it was much better than this pre benzo. I occasionally have a good window, but they are quite rare, and the troughs are much more numerous. Im starting despair that this is it, this is the best it will get.  20 months is a long time, and those last few months were molecular dosages. Is it possible I permanently changed my brain and I’m stuck in this insomnia hell until my body just craps out on me?

[[Ne...]]

Symptoms during tapering are normal and to be expected, from what I know.

 

I think once you're fully off the drug for a year you'll definitely feel a major improvement in your sleep. I'm ~19 months off CT 10mg diazepam and my sleep is actually quite ok, once I fall asleep (which is often the harder part). I have come to learn that I had cultivated unhealthy habits concerning sleep, like sleeping with way too much light, not actually lying down but waiting until I get sleepy sitting on the couch or whatever, etc. So make sure you got that all figured out. Lie down, don't distract your brain (youtube, phone, reading, obsessively thinking about stuff, etc.) and that simple thing alone might help. It does for me.

[[Li...]]

I’ve been fully off the drug for almost TWO years.

[[Ma...]]

Nah, that'll go away, that's nothing to worry about at all and completely normal. It takes time for all the symptoms to go away entirely, like years, insomnia is a drag, but it won't hurt you, and it'll pass. These days, I have one good day, then one hard day due to insomnia. Totally normal.