2 Weeks post jump off klonipin.

[[Ri...]]

I'm back with exactly 2 weeks clean from klonipin! I wanted to keep up with posting the transition period and some of you seem to like it so I'm going to keep doing it. Since I have last posted there have been some improvements. My anxiety is no longer as easilly transformed into full blown panic. At most, I get a very uncomfortable feeling in my chest and emotionally and I have to sit with it until it passes. I still have difficulty with car rides and going into public spaces. I'm still agoraphobic in the sense that I'm not really able to be in big public spaces like the mall or something but I at least now have a desire to be there..that is different. My biggest chronic symptoms right now are SOME depersonalization/visual disturbances, as they always were. I have floaters when I go outside but they come and go in terms of intensity. Lots of vivid dreams. I sleep quite well, I wake up in the middle of the night a lot to go to the bathroom but it doesn't bother me because I typically sleep until 10 everymorning. I sleep better than I EVER did tapering from klonipin. At around 9 at night I am very very tired and a touch cranky. I've been keeping track of how I've been feeling and 9 out of 14 days I experienced a window of some kind. A couple have lasted all day, some only a few hours intermittently. I'll take it though. I try to remind myself there are so many people who never get windows, and I'm lucky that I have them. It's a great sign that within two weeks I've experienced any kind of normalcy. I have my moments where I start to think that I'll never get to where I want to or hit my baseline again, but those windows keep me alive. All in all, some days are good and some days aren't so great. I haven't had a 'bad day' since week one. My anxiety isn't so horrendous. It's quite uncomfortable at times but it is absolutely manageable. I've reinstated using my cbd oil which is working better than it ever has. I'm still smoking which at times has the adverse affect that I desire however, I couldn't stomach quitting that at the moment. Theres no excuses, but I cant fathom dropping that addiction while healing from another that when you feel stress you induce symptoms. I've quit smoking before and it will no doubt stir up symptoms. I'm waiting until the emotions triggering symptoms aspect is gone to do so. In the mean time I try to cut down.  Oh! and I started doing some exercises at home. They absolutely kick up symptoms but I've heard its better for you in the long run. So I've done that a couple times now. I've stuck to my diet which is keto except once time while making a cake for a family members birthday...I tasted the batter a couple times out of weakness and paid for it majorly in TERRIBLE stomach cramping. But otherwise, so far so good buddies. I expect the summer will be a healing process, but it does get gradually better. It's almost hard to keep track of improvements because they are so gradual but thats why I have a note open and I write everyday. I can track it and it becomes clear. My day one of tapering I wrote: "nausea, shivering, stomach pain, diarrhea, sore throat/inner ears. (Symtoms most noticeable in the morning and into the afternoon) bad wave with depersonalization after a large window in the evening. Slept full night. 4 Benadryl" I no longer take Benadryl, I'm not shaking, I'm not nauseous, I'm not having stomach pain, I don't have diarrhea, my throat and ears are fine(except sometimes I wake up very dry) I no longer have 'bad waves' just moderate ones. I am able to laugh and feel happy without having serious affects(in the beginning having strong emotions, even good ones, triggered symptoms) Okay well I'm dragging this out, but I hope this helps someone. It may not sound like everything Is all gravy yet but I am getting there and it is an improvement from where I was day one.

[[sh...]]

Thank you for updating. I look forward to reading about your progress. Awesome job! I hope to be in your spot one day soon.

 

[[Fi...]]

Those are wonderful words of inspiration and congratulations to you for enduring so much and making through to the other side! I can't wait to one day be on that other side too. 

[[An...]]

Thanks Riley for updating. These posts are very helpful. You are making good progress. I look forward to the next update.

[[Un...]]

Riley,

 

Loving reading your updates and cheering you on!  Hope you are feeling more improvements, this week.  Beautiful to read your description of everything.  It’s so inspiring to hear about what it’s like being done with your taper and taking no more pills.  I love how you said to just focus on the cut you are on and not the end, in your other update.  Very helpful as I’m constantly worrying about further cuts and the end, etc... 

 

Great job!!  Thank you again for sharing with us 

 

Uni

[[Ri...]]

You're welcome guys! makes it worth it knowing I can help others. I just posted my 3 week update!