Paradoxical toxic dosing, not metabolizing

[[An...]]

I was paradoxical the whole time on ativan. Manic and anxious. Toxic metabolites have built up in my system.

 

I still havent gone through withdrawal. My tissues are sagging, my hair falling out.

 

Leaking csf from lumber puncture. Dura not healing.

 

I stupidly tapered slowly thinking it would help.

 

Now i need hope. Please. Im sure i will die when it leaves my brainstem. Had night of no breathing

 

 

 

[[Ea...]]

AM, from this end it looks like you’ve associated the way that u feel with things you’ve either researched or read about. The conclusions you continue to jump to r highly unlikely. It is not possible for u to have spent an entire not breathing yet still b alive. If ur not getting the answers that ur looking for on this site, I would highly suggest consulting with ur physician about ur concerns. But self diagnosing or making assumptions that the sx u r experiencing r related to more serious conditions & or diseases is going to continue to make things worse. There r plenty of buddies that have given u support & have tried to help u understand that what ur experiencing is a part of coming off of benzo’s, & it can have a much more drastic effect on some. Unless there is a specific disease or condition that ur doctor has diagnosed u with, then why continue to consume ur thoughts with the possibility that you have acquired a serious illness? Is there a family member or friend that can help see u through this process? Bc unless u try to accept that you're hypersensitive to benzo’s & that your CNS needs time to heal & repair itself, you’re more than likely going to keep urself in a perpetual high state of stress & anxiety. I really hope that u can find someone to help u understand this process & eventually get through it. Take care of yourself, all the best in healing.

[[We...]]

Hang on mama.  Easydoesit is right...fear can only make it worse.  I know how hard it can be to not give into the fear.  You're getting there....one day at a time.  I had lots of hair and weight loss too.  Lots.  And both are coming back now.  Even the sagging skin is getting better.

 

I find the hardest times regarding fear are when I am alone, or trying to drift off to sleep.  It can be like getting caught in a strong undertow where everything seems so bleak and dark and hopeless.  But it is not.  You will heal too. 

 

 

 

[[de...]]

My son had leaking cerebral spinal fluid when involved in a car accident many years ago. 

 

It was properly addressed by medical staff. 

 

Why on earth did you need lumbar puncture? 

 

I wish you well Anxiousmama. 

 

Dee

 

[[de...]]

Memories of my infant son leaking csf, his head caved in from catastrophic car accident have come flooding back.  Too real for words. 

 

I (really) do believe you are catastrophising AM, and also know it is not your intent.  Recognising this may well be your saviour. 

 

I have sometimes thought that facing myself, was harder than facing withdrawal. 

 

Or are they one and the same? 

 

Dee

 

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I can’t speak to certain specifics, I can speak to how you feel like you’re dying on the drug. Same for me. After and hour and a half sleep I would wake up calling out in pain from the cortisol rush. I thought withdrawal would make it worse but I cut fast and once I got under 2 msg, I started snapping out of it, till finally I came off and was comparatively right as rain. This has happened to me three times now (long story) so I know it’s my pattern. Don’t dismay and don’t be afraid to come off. On the contrary. It might be just what you need to feel a thousand times better

[[An...]]

I took genetic testing. Cyp family rapid metabolizer with increased toxic metabolites. The paradoxical nature increased heart rate and vasodilation which increased permeation into tissues. Never felt calm or sedated on it. Made me feel sick and disinhibited amd manic. Now its still leaching from my tissues. Im not sure what will happen. I was told slow taper.

 

Lumbar puncture to rule out brain infection bc high inflammatory markers in blood.. But theres a leak. Im at a psych hospital on risperdone now. Getting EEgs and mris but cant find anything.

 

Im certain ive poisoned myself to death, because i cant clear the drugs from my tissues, but im hoping for a miracle. I dont want to die. I was like chaffinch just after 10 days use.

[[Ea...]]

I took genetic testing. Cyp family rapid metabolizer with increased toxic metabolites. The paradoxical nature increased heart rate and vasodilation which increased permeation into tissues. Never felt calm or sedated on it. Made me feel sick and disinhibited amd manic. Now its still leaching from my tissues. Im not sure what will happen. I was told slow taper.

 

Lumbar puncture to rule out brain infection bc high inflammatory markers in blood.. But theres a leak. Im at a psych hospital on risperdone now. Getting EEgs and mris but cant find anything.

 

Im certain ive poisoned myself to death, because i cant clear the drugs from my tissues, but im hoping for a miracle. I dont want to die. I was like chaffinch just after 10 days use.

 

If the EEG’s & MRI’s can’t find anything, that should give u a pretty good indication that ur not in any need for any serious immediate medical intervention. I don’t believe that if u were dying doctors & nurses would just stand by & watch without trying to help in some way, it’s just not in their nature. The psych hospital is probably the safest place for u at this time, it doesn’t seem like u really even want to take what anyone else has to say into consideration. From the looks of it, you’ve already convinced urself that u know exactly what’s going on with ur body so I’m not really sure what ur hoping to gain from this site. I really hope that the risperdone can finally give u some relief & that everything works out for u, take care.

[[An...]]

Im not sure what to do. I cant find myself in the literature. No one takes paradoxical doses that long.  Im just not sure what to do. They dont know what to do here either. So im just being observed and given antipsychotics, praying for a miracle. I had a lot of the symptoms Ajusta describes after 1 bottle of pills, so i thought i needed to taper. After 4, is there hope? Im still certainly processing out the ativan. I know i seem delusional but im not. And i appreciate the comments. I guess im hoping for someone to say that they did this and got better.

[[Ea...]]

Im not sure what to do. I cant find myself in the literature. No one takes paradoxical doses that long.  Im just not sure what to do. They dont know what to do here either. So im just being observed and given antipsychotics, praying for a miracle. I had a lot of the symptoms Ajusta describes after 1 bottle of pills, so i thought i needed to taper. After 4, is there hope? Im still certainly processing out the ativan. I know i seem delusional but im not. And i appreciate the comments. I guess im hoping for someone to say that they did this and got better.

 

Have you had specific testing done to confirm that you still have Ativan within ur system? If u have, what type of medical testing was done to determine this & confirm ur suspicions? Until u have been physically shown some sort of concrete evidence to support the idea that ur body doesn’t process & metabolize this chemical the same way any other human would, then how can u definitively say with 100% certainty that is what is happening?

[[An...]]

They said that they cant test benzos in tissues.

 

I have never been able to process drugs. Multiple drug allergy syndrome diagnosed. I didnt understand, i thought i needed to taper after 2 weeks use.

 

I know taking more will make me worse. But maybe ill survive? I dont really know otherwise.

 

Im just so scared of death by neurotoxin in a mental ward. I dont know what to do.

[[Ea...]]

They said that they cant test benzos in tissues.

 

I have never been able to process drugs. Multiple drug allergy syndrome diagnosed. I didnt understand, i thought i needed to taper after 2 weeks use.

 

I know taking more will make me worse. But maybe ill survive? I dont really know otherwise.

 

Im just so scared of death by neurotoxin in a mental ward. I dont know what to do.

 

Ok, well first of all, if benzo’s can’t be tested in tissues then u can’t definitively say that u still have them left in urs. You have no way to prove this beyond ur own personal opinion, which honestly should b good news to u. If not, that’s ur choice to believe what u want, but ur basically believing something that has absolutely no medical evidence to support it IMO. And no matter how u look at it, it is still just simply ur own idea or theory at this point in time. There r also hundreds of cases of individuals having adverse reactions to this drug from the first time they took it. There is a HUGE difference between an actual allergy & what’s called a pseudo allergy. One can kill u, the other may feel like it’s killing u but in actuality it isn’t.

Multiple Drug allergy syndrome: Multiple drug allergy syndrome (MDAS) is a clinical diagnosis made in patients with adverse reactions to two or more structurally unrelated drugs with an underlying immune-mediated mechanism causing the reaction.

Adverse immune related reactions no matter how u look at them do not necessarily mean that ur body is unable to metabolize & excrete the drug at the same rate as other’s. In order to receive a diagnosis, this also has to happen with two or more structurally unrelated drugs. All that it means is that ur immune system triggers a more severe response to certain chemicals. I have not been given this diagnosis, but I am no stranger to adverse reactions. I’ve had some very severe reactions as a result of benzo’s. Hives, facial & limb swelling, dry eyes & throat, runny nose, & severe itching. But guess what, these reactions still do not mean that ur body cannot metabolize these chemicals in the same amount of time that any other person would. It just means that u r much much more sensitive to them. So no matter which way you look at this information, you should actually be more relieved than anything else bc all it proves is that ur highly sensitive to benzo’s. But so r hundreds of other people as well. So ur not alone in this. And the fact that the risperdone isn’t affecting ur system so drastically should give u some comfort as well. I do understand that everyone’s metabolism is different, but at the same time what u choose to believe can b extremely powerful & consequential in determining the way that u feel. So before holding on to this idea as being a fact, please at least take into consideration that maybe this isn’t possible, & that as difficult as it is to accept, it is just the severity of ur reaction that is the cause of this entire idea. Bc that little tiny bit of doubt is also a bit of hope that maybe you’re not going to end up as severe as u believe & that u absolutely will recover. Hold on to that bc no matter how far out u r there’s always a potential to completely bounce back.