I hate myself!!!!

[[sa...]]

Science I quit the meds I started hating my self, I don’t even like to see my face in the mirror im now 3.5 years off meds and still have these feelings, did anyone suffer from that??

[[ea...]]

How was your withdrawal? Did it go smoothly? Or was it bad? What makes you say you "hate yourself?" What in particular strikes you so wrongly?

Benzo wd can cause many things, and self dislike can be one of them, but it isn't a usual thing. What are. your thought on why you feel this way? Has something bad happened to make you feel this way?

Most people end up on benzos for REASONS. A lack of self confidence, anxieties that prevent one from sleeping or functioning well. Everyone on BB have their own reasons for taking  benzos. I would think you need to figure out WHY you took benzos and that might help you understand why you feel this hatred towards yourself.

I have walked in those shoes, so I kind of know how you feel. But I need to know more to try to guide you.

east

[[sa...]]

Thanks for the reply

 

I only took paxil for 8 years no benzo, I quit CT, and it was hell on earth, i used to suffer from low self esteem and anxiety, and. Bit of OCD regarding cleaning but it was manageable. Now it broke loose with no limits im 3.5 years off meds with no potential to heall as i see, im getting worse every year, i hate my self because I feel like looser with no real functionality no friends no job my marriage is a reck and i am affraid to do any thing with this social anxiety which i never had.

[[Ma...]]

what do you do to love yourself?

[[ea...]]

You will find this interesting. Before I got off benzos, I didn't care a bit about cleaning. During my CT wd, I became OCD about cleaning. Weird, but very true. So much so that once I finally healed, this Registered Nurse began cleaning houses instead of being a nurse. Who knows why this stuff happens? Did benzos damp down all of my needs for a clean home? Truly weird.

I personally believe that ADs are just as bad as benzos. I have met so many people whose lives were negatively changes due to ADs.

sadoons, my heart goes out to you tonight. Your pain and fear resonate with me deeply. I don't know about you, but I had some childhood traumas that  affected my life. I never felt loved by my parents. felt I could not trust them to guide me due to this and this affected me very deeply over 69 years now. Some childhood traumas just never really go away, and we have to try different things to help us get through. I was in CBT for several year but my drugs prevented me from absorbing the wisdom of a decent therapist.

I also know that is a LOT to love about yourself. Your pain speaks louder than an words, and I also know you can have a much better life than right now. I am glad you got off ADS. Not helpful drugs., but that is a personal opinion.

Feel free to private message me. I only come here once a day but always answer private messges.

east

[[de...]]

Love yourself for making this incredibly arduous journey, sadoons.  Not many could say same.  You are loveable for simply saying you are not loveable.  Ego be damned, and the mirror lies. 

 

Unlike yourself, and East, i couldn't give a tinker's cuss about housework.  Haven't got the wherewithal, nor the energy, to do anything outside of the basics.  And this means having a shower. 

 

Dee

[[sa...]]

I really thank you all for your kind words, it really encourages me

[[ea...]]

sadoons,

What you are feeling is very normal. I felt just the same way, early in WD. I did not have any idea how 30 years of nightly benzos had affected me, both with my general health and mental health.

 

Do not worry about your OCD'ism about cleaning. I have this hunch that this can happen in bwd because we became out of control thanks to benzos. And we start cleaning as a way of proving to ourselves that we can "clean up our lives." A living metaphor, I guess. Cleaning my house got me out of my bed and moving, and served as a distraction. If you saw the goofy things I did then, you would laugh.

I agree with Dee,. Love yourself just a little because you Are doing something VERY difficult. Not everyone can withstand benzo wd. That takes guts and a super amount of determination.

Please let us know how you are doing. If you need private help, PM me.

east

[[La...]]

Hi & welcome- I'm 8 1/2 months Antidepressant free after 11 years & benzo Free after 7 years- Have you ever visited Surviving Antidepressants.org?  They have a similar format to BenzoBuddies but for Antidepressants obviously Check them out, they helped me!  Hang in there- it does get better!