am i the only one

[[cr...]]

Is anyone else stuck in a half psychotic state staring at your cieling completely bedridden due to extreme physical withdrawal? Or am i the only one?

 

All these set backs from supplements and other meds have put me in such extreme withdrawal that reinstating sounds good right about now. I cant do anything. Literally nothing. My parents make me 2 meals a day. I eat 1. Ive lost 50 pounds. Going to the bathroom is a task since my movement disorder is so completely screwed that i careen off into the nearest wall. Im seeing flashes of white light and almost siezuring out. Meanwhile my wifes asking me when were gonna move out of my parents house cus ive been in acute for so long. I cant take it anymore. Im trying to do this 90 days sober thing again to see if ill come out of withdrawal. But im completely done already. My brain genuinely can't function without benzos now. This is so frustrating.

 

Anyone ever seen tropic thunder? Where jack black has to come off his "jelly beans." They had to tie him to a tree. Someone needs to tie me to a tree cuz im acting exactly like him.

[[Th...]]

More Benzos will only mess you up more, man. I’ve been in your position...setbacks galore from supplements. You have to make it through, it’s the only way. There are no shortcuts. I suffered horrifically for six months before I could even take a breather. You will be ok, just hang in there.

[[cr...]]

Man i need someone watching me. I feel like im gonna die from drug withdrawals. Or be stuck like this forever.

 

Btw i see you came off ativan CT. 3mg! Wow. I was taking 2mg divided into four doses and hallucinating between doses. I tapered but messed myself up with alcohol 6 months out. How did you make it through your cold turkey? How long did the really extreme stuff go on for? I'm day 10 off supplements and cbd and im losing it. Feels just like ativan cold turkey. Idk how. Im not strong as you are. Im worn out at 17 months out. Im wanting to go to hospital.

[[Yu...]]

You will be fine. You were on benzos for relatively short time.

[[Yu...]]

You are so smart to quit benzos after a year use. Ok first of all dont panic it seems like you are very scared. Everything will be fine.

[[Sa...]]

Im so sorry.  I’m in month 5 post Xanax CT ... there are days I feel just like you.  Today is a wee bit better.

 

Being stuck in bed makes it worse imo.

 

May today get better for you !!

 

SaraSue 

[[Th...]]

Man i need someone to hold my hand. Sitting next to me. I feel like im gonna die from drug withdrawals. Or be stuck like this forever.

 

Btw i see you came off ativan CT. 3mg! Wow. I was taking 2mg divided into four doses and hallucinating between doses. I tapered but messed myself up with alcohol 6 months out. How did you make it through your cold turkey? How long did the really extreme stuff go on for? I'm day 10 off supplements and cbd and im losing it. Feels just like ativan cold turkey. Idk how. Im not strong as you are. Im worn out at 17 months out. Im wanting to go to hospital.

 

CBD works just like a benzo so it makes sense that’s you’re really bad right now. It’s a common thing to want medical intervention. They can’t do anything for you except give you more Ativan. The extreme stuff took 3 months, then again lessened after 6 and after that I was around 80% healed. Look into the GARD diet - it’s low glutamate and will really help your symptoms.

[Guest [Ko...]]

You will be fine. You were on benzos for relatively short time.

 

Time has nothing to do with how much or how long people suffer at all.

[[su...]]

What were you taking that you said yr trying to stay sober from for 90 days?

cbd oil I've heard helps some but it also really messes some up.

You should try to cut out other substances, caffeine and sugar. The more I do this the better I am but it still it gets really bad. Unless you think your gonna have seizures or need an anti psychotic I would stay away from the hospital and def. don't take more benzos. You will just do more damage.

You just have to ride it out like I'm trying to now. Hang in there.

[[Th...]]

You will be fine. You were on benzos for relatively short time.

 

Time has nothing to do with how much or how long people suffer at all.

 

Exactly. Neuroadaptations can occur in as little as four days.

[[cr...]]

Think i got all my big set backs in my signature. Mainly cbd and magnesium. Did have a big set back from alcohol, then hydroxyzine last year. Trying to stay 90 days off everything. That's the longest I've been sober b4 giving up. Withdrawal is too intense. It didn't improve any in 70 days. I am 17 months out from benzos though. I guess it doesn't matter. Im not healing cus i can't break the cycle. Go 30 or so days. Get sicker. Give up. Take some cbd or whatever my doctor told me to do. I want to beat this. But seriously. What if im not strong enough?. Im scared and I feel like no matter what i do I'm gonna die soon. I just got married in 2016. I wanted to go on fun dates with my wife but I cant even feed myself now. I'm like one step from ER visit. I dont think most buddies get this sick unless they cold turkey. And i tapered.

[Guest [Le...]]

Think i got all my big set backs in my signature. Mainly cbd and magnesium. Did have a big set back from alcohol, then hydroxyzine last year. Trying to stay 90 days off everything. That's the longest I've been sober b4 giving up. Withdrawal is too intense. It didn't improve any in 70 days. I am 17 months out from benzos though. I guess it doesn't matter. Im not healing cus i can't break the cycle. Go 30 or so days. Get sicker. Give up. Take some cbd or whatever my doctor told me to do. I want to beat this. But seriously. What if im not strong enough?. Im scared and I feel like no matter what i do I'm gonna die soon. I just got married in 2016. I wanted to go on fun dates with my wife but I cant even feed myself now. I'm like one step from ER visit. I dont think most buddies get this sick unless they cold turkey. And i tapered.

 

Tons of folks here are as sick as you are, and many of them tapered. I was doing fine for months and then fell off s cliff at ten months off – literally thought I was going to die.

 

You’re not doing yourself a great service by dwelling on what you think may or may not have set you back, IMO. The whole process is circuitous and filled with false flags.

 

The way benzo withdrawal and recovery works is completely unpredictable, but I *can* tell you that obsessing over it never helps anyone. Thinking about the hospital is another anxiety-provoking plan that, as others have said, is a guarantee that you’ll just be offered more benzos and/or other drugs.

 

I really didn’t make any progress until I followed the good advice of veteran buddies here, which was to practice radical acceptance that this is just the worst experience ever, but that it will ease up over time. Which it did.

 

You may be putting way too much thought into what is an irrational and brutal experience. It will end when it’s good and ready, and that’s a sad fact. It’s best not to drive yourself crazy over it, thinking no one else suffered this much, because what you’re experiencing is precisely why folks find it nearly impossible to get off benzos.

[[cr...]]

Hey all I know is im getting worse the longer I'm off. Whereas when I jumped I was slowly improving every month. Up until the alcohol. And its been downhill since cus the withdrawals are 100 times worse now. Alot of people say its not linear. But thats not really my experience. Its always linear for me. Positive or negative. Sure I'll get a bit of a wave or a bit of window. But this just snowballs one direction or the other and I cant get this ship turned around before it hits the iceberg. Fricken titanic over here.

[Guest [Le...]]

Hey all I know is im getting worse the longer I'm off. Whereas when I jumped I was slowly improving every month. Up until the alcohol. And its been downhill since cus the withdrawals are 100 times worse now. Alot of people say its not linear. But thats not really my experience. Its always linear for me. Positive or negative. Sure I'll get a bit of a wave or a bit of window. But this just snowballs one direction or the other and I cant get this ship turned around before it hits the iceberg. Fricken titanic over here.

 

That was precisely my point – everything seems fine until you crash and burn. There is no pattern.

 

You were only linear until you weren’t, and trying to figure out what the trigger was is probably a huge waste of time. Benzo recovery can suddenly go south for no reason at all.

 

Trying to be logical about it serves basically one purpose, which is to keep you distracted while your brain repairs itself in its own good time.

 

There’s nothing unusual about anything you’ve described. Most people here have experienced what you’re going through, and worse. I was bedbound for a long time, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it except wait it out, and try to move my body as much as possible, even if it was only by doing bed yoga.

 

If I were you, I’d avoid agonizing over the search for quick fixes. With benzos, there really aren’t any – and the worst possible idea is trying to fix it with more benzos.

[[Yu...]]

You will be fine. You were on benzos for relatively short time.

 

Time has nothing to do with how much or how long people suffer at all.

 

Exactly. Neuroadaptations can occur in as little as four days.

It also very important how long  did neuroadaptations are sustained.

[[so...]]

Leslie, great advice as usual.

 

Crescent, we veterans might not tell you what you want to hear, but we speak the truth.  Well, some of us do.  Eat balanced whole foods.  Don’t put anything in your body to complicate matters and further imbalance your CNS—like meds, alcohol and supplements.  Accept that this is the recovery process.  This is what it feels like to repair and rebalance your brain and nervous system.  It’s the worst thing you’ll ever go through in your life, but it’s temporary.  Don’t tell yourself you are weaker than the rest of us.  Don’t keep telling yourself that you are “shooting for 90 days sober.”  90 days isn’t shit.  This takes years to recover—BUT REMEMBER THAT YOU WON’T FEEL AS SHITTY AS YOU DO TODAY DURING THESE YEARS.

 

If someone else prepares your food, make sure it doesn’t contain any preservatives.  You need to go grocery shopping yourself and read every label.  If you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it.  Preservatives make the symptoms stronger.  Eating right won’t make the symptoms go away, but it sure does dampen them down a bit.

 

You are wallowing.  We all do it.  Try not to make a profession of it.  Allow yourself the luxury of an occasional rant, but then get pissed off, look in the mirror and have a heart-to-heart with yourself.  I’ve done this a thousand times.  I get in my car and go to the store.  I walk my dog.  I garden.  I do the dishes.  I do the laundry.  I even move the vacuum around once in awhile.  Anything that makes me feel less worthless, I do.  I may feel like shit doing these things, but afterwards I feel satisfied.  These pills already robbed a good chunk of life from you.  Don’t let them take any more of it.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

By the way, Crescent, I’ve had over 80 symptoms throughout this 4.5 year journey, after only two months sporadic use of Ativan.  I was wayyyyy worse off than you describe in your posts.  So were a lot of other people.

 

Stay on the Post Withdrawal Board and stop wandering into the Protracted Section.  That’s not where you belong.  It will just get you scared and depressed for no reason.

 

THE GOOD NEWS—I have only two symptoms left.  And they are watered down versions of what they used to be.  Sooooo, I’m trying to tell you that you’re going to be fine.  We all recover 100%. 

 

Sofa

 

 

[[cr...]]

But sofa. Im mostly bedridden. I cant vacuum. Or do dishes. Even laying here, im getting big waves that last 16 hours or more. Ive been eating keto but i think its really hard on me. Parents prep it with organic food. Im just doing the best I can i guess. I'm just surprised I'm still fighting this 18 months out.

[Guest [Le...]]

But sofa. Im mostly bedridden. I cant vacuum. Or do dishes. Even laying here, im getting big waves that last 16 hours or more. Ive been eating keto but i think its really hard on me. Parents prep it with organic food. Im just doing the best I can i guess. I'm just surprised I'm still fighting this 18 months out.

 

I really don’t want to sound harsh, because I know just how horrible the suffering is, having been there myself, but I cannot emphasize this enough:

Stop being surprised.

 

Many of us were incapacitated for much longer than you have been, and with horrific symptoms that are beyond imagining. Your fear is only making it worse for you.

 

Sofa, is absolutely right – you should not be hanging around the Protracted group, where it almost seems as though you have been auditioning (for quite a while, and long before you were really ‘eligible,’ I might add). If you keep pursuing the protracted rôle, it’s a part you’re sure to get.

 

I could not even wash a fork, never mind vacuum the place. Had to have all of my food and supplies delivered, and just getting to the front door to receive them was a challenge. I couldn’t do laundry, so I just kept ordering new clothing, and that’s not even a joke. I now have more pairs of underwear, nightshirts and bed sheets than I care to count, and I’m still catching up on finally washing them all.

 

We all think that our own situations are worse than anyone else’s, but when it comes to benzos, that’s rarely the case. If you can let go of this idea, IMO you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.

 

It might be more useful to explore the many tricks available to keep your panic attacks from escalating, because diving deeply into protracted or worst-case-scenario horror stories is only feeding your terror – please trust me on this.

[[cr...]]

Right. So I should stay away from protracted for now. But I kinda am though. Maybe I'll wait another year. Also I dont have full blown panic attacks often anymore. I'm just scared cus im 26 and completely disabled. 26 isnt an age i ever thought id have health issues at. I always thought 70 or 80 ya know.

[[go...]]

Right. So I should stay away from protracted for now. But I kinda am though. Maybe I'll wait another year. Also I dont have full blown panic attacks often anymore. I'm just scared cus im 26 and completely disabled. 26 isnt an age i ever thought id have health issues at. I always thought 70 or 80 ya know.

 

why do you want to go on the protracted board? What do you get out of it that you wouldn't get out of the regular board?

[[So...]]

TheAtivanExperience

 

Where did you read/hear that CBD from hemp is like a benzo? I am curious. I don't take CBD but have never heard this.

[[In...]]

Hey, I am in bad shape at the moment, actually VERY bad. I really fault myself in damaging by brain to this degree. As some of you know, I have had a success story i published in 2016 and was doing absolutely fantastic. Id say 99.5% All I had left was tinnitus and if that was permanent NO BIG DEAL. I messed myslef up in late 2017 thinking i was able to handle alcohol. I was drinking for a solid 11 months every weekend till this stuff came back. Or better say, the KINDLING. I feel that once we restart the kindling and maybe hammer those Gaba receptors if a tylenol hits us, its like we do not have a firewall anymore or NO armor and that might be why when we take anything it shoots us in a unreal state if distress and ramps the system up.

 

I can relate as I was feeling better and slowly healing again in the last 5 months but my sensitivity is to a level I have never experienced. A simple tooth filling kept me up 4 days no sleep. Benadryl messed be up beyond words and the worst as of yet that almost sent me to the hospital and is WORSE than my 2012 medical detox off 60mgs of Valium was 4 to 6 weeks ago when I got hit by aromatic hydrocarbons or solvents in furniture. Just one out with the furniture has my Akathisia ACUTe and my skin burning off my back.

 

I DO however want to say this. Benzo buddies does have some great advice, However, one thing that gets me is that when someone is to the end of the rope, they need to do what they need to do medical wise and If that mean hospitalization then that's what needs to be done to keep them safe.

 

In 2012 I could not tapper off Valium. I had one CT and one detox prior to the titration and i was dying. Paced for months and lost 60 lbs. I had to be admitted to the hospital to get off the rest of the Valium.

 

True story: Back after 3 medical detoxes and being in the depths of hell, I told my doc to do whatever she wanted to get me off the benzos. I was awake 4 days straight and had blood coming out of me from constipation.

 

I came home on what people would say is WAY worse than benzos. I was on Zyprexa, Equatro and GABAPENTIN. I Tried coming off the Zyprexa in month 5 but it was WAY to early. Long story short, I healed while on the detox meds. The last med I dropped almost 19 months later was the GABAPENTIN. 6 months off the Gaba I was at a baseball game and going to a gym.

 

Not the best idea, but i also drank 3 cups of coffee in the AM and smoked 2 packs of clgs a day on gabapentin and equator (tegretol). I healed on this stuff.

 

Life was amazing till i drank like I was in college. Biggest mistake in my life and it may cost me everything now.

 

I don't know the theory but I sometimes think that GABAPENTIN acted as my firewall and stopped my CNS for flaring to the point that  new symptoms would arise. Maybe glutamate floods or the CNS goes crazy anytime its exposed to a tic tac per say.

 

People on BB hate other meds. However, gabapentin and tegretol worked wonders for me and saved me life per say. I feel that while I'm  going through this again, without anticonvulsants my system destroys itself when exposed to dust.

 

 

 

[[cr...]]

Man I hate gabapentin. I'd take cbd any day over that. But yeah I feel same way. Im down 50 pounds so far. Im trying to tough it out. Ive experienced healing b4. Just isnt happening ATM.

[[In...]]

I healed in 2014. After 2014 I could take antibiotics, I could take Benadryl, I could get dental work no issues and I had zero symptoms except a tad of tinnitus.

 

I was on so many meds the first time I healed, I don’t think that if I took sometime that would have messed me up I even would have noticed. As I said I smoked non filter all though it and that would make anyone sick.

 

I quit smokeing in 2014. If I smoke a sig now I get massively sick