Relative withdrawal

[[es...]]

I would like to hear from anyone who started in relative withdrawal and could not stabilize enough to function. After a year of trying everything to lesson my intense, unrelenting emotional symptoms, I am breaking down. I have been just finally resigned to having to go ahead and get off by tapering 5% of remaining dose every 7-10 days. The last cut turned the anguish up a notch. I don’t know how to think about this. I was already at a place where every day was just survival. So, my functionality is unchanged. Just a tad more miserable. I know there is no stability for me while tapering. The drug is still taking me down. I am at .036 mg. Klonopin. I use a pharmaceutical compounded liquid. I started at 1.5 mg. So I am getter close to the end. I am not close enough to jump yet.  I just want it over. I will not have any peace until it is. And if it is going to take years, I just want to get on with it. There are no easy answers in this situation. I know that. Just wondered if anyone else is facing this and what they plan to do. Thanks, Esperanza

[[Ca...]]

Hi Esp, I think your thoughts are probs on the right track... Sometimes it only gets so good and that is what we have to try and taper with.. I didnt realy get out of bed/lounge until about 0.5v...

 

Different meds for me, -so I hope you get more replies...

 

Best wishes, your in my thoughts...

[[de...]]

I don't know whether this will be useful Esperanza, sometimes even getting a response can help when going through this 'thing'.  And there is no font to express the word 'thing' in this circumstance.  You are not alone. 

 

I was suffering while tapering Esperanza and at 1mg Valium I made the leap.  I just could not stand it any longer.  70 days, today. 

 

I am still unwell, both physically and mentally, but the one glimmer I have is that the road is now clear for me to heal completely. 

 

I am not in any way suggesting you jump.  Just letting you know that even in the darkest hours of 'post' it feels really good to not have to ingest that poison.  You will get there too. 

 

This has been an entirely useless post.  Really just wanted you to know that you are not alone. 

 

Aside:  Watched a documentary on heavy metal poisoning the other day whose symptoms are scarily similar.  I'm not saying we are 'heavy metal poisoned', it just feels that way. 

 

Dee x

 

 

[[es...]]

Thank you Can’t and Dee. Dee, your post was not useless. The opposite. It helped a lot. Esperanza

[[Kl...]]

Dearest friends;  Esparanza, Deadwood, Can'tfly

 

You have all posted responses to my silly blogs in the past and I  am so thankful for all of your help.  I thought I would chime in too.

 

I, too, am almost done with my taper.  I have less than 2% of 1 mg to go and tapering sooo slowly.

 

Many of my symptoms, that I have suffered for years, have gone away.  One, my horrible pressure headache, is on full throttle.  Blinding, photophobic, phonophobic,

stiffness and numbness in my face and throat.  But, even with this going on, I have the will to type to say hello and am in good mental spirits.

 

I am celebrating today because I was able to shave one leg in the shower this morning.  Then I made it to the health food store where I had to by a couple of days

worth of something to eat because I knew I couldn't make it further to the grocery store.  There, I had a great conversation with the clerk. 

 

I am ready to jump and really begin the healing process.  I feel confident that this headache, too, shall pass, and that I can shave my other leg tomorrow.

 

Best wishes and prayers for you all.

 

Klonkar

 

 

[[ea...]]

The longer I am on BB, the more I think that we just don't know enough about these drugs. Why some people  go CT and not suffer and why some people taper and still have an awful time of it just baffles me.

How can this be so?

What I DO know is the benzos are far more powerful than the public (including doctors) know.

The more I read about tapering slowly, the less of a fan of this I am. People seem tp suffer so badly on long tapers. I am NOT suggesting one goes CT. But long tapers......seem to cause a huge amount of suffering.

I wish I had all the answers on this, but I do not.

If anyone does have an answer for this stuff, please speak up.

east

[[AZ...]]

East,

Benzos are awful and just wierd.  I can’t make sense of what happens in relative or tolerance withdrawal.  I Don’t know why one would feel withdrawal on a stable dose, but it happens.  One could wonder how much worse the symptoms would be if you went faster?  I suspect there may be an optimum taper rate that may be barely tolerable but reduces overall time of  suffering but it’s hard to know.

 

I also feel like it might take a certain amount of time to heal whether you CT or taper slow or fast.  I see a lot of CT folks taking a long time to recover even with no drug.  On the other hand going too slow and never ever feeling well makes no sense.

 

If you read what Colin wrote about tolerance, he believes the best you can do is grit your teeth and continue a reasonable taper rate.

 

The only way out is through, and time is the healer for all of us.  We are here to support the relative taper folks in however we can.  Hang in there and one day at a time.

[[Ca...]]

The longer I am on BB, the more I think that we just don't know enough about these drugs. Why some people  go CT and not suffer and why some people taper and still have an awful time of it just baffles me.

How can this be so?

What I DO know is the benzos are far more powerful than the public (including doctors) know.

The more I read about tapering slowly, the less of a fan of this I am. People seem tp suffer so badly on long tapers. I am NOT suggesting one goes CT. But long tapers......seem to cause a huge amount of suffering.

I wish I had all the answers on this, but I do not.

If anyone does have an answer for this stuff, please speak up.

east

Its probably more about minimisation of exessive SX for each individual and their own situation, rather than a comparrison of or to others experiences...

 

Sure, plenty struggle with slow tapers, but would faster tapering leave them in a better position with respect to overall healing... -You know, -3, 5, 10 yrs later..?? If one follows the average post jump experiences of people, it might get a little clearer...

 

It doesnt realy mean much to say "he had a hard time slow tapering... -But she tapered faster and things went well.."

 

Im pretty sure a CNS in utter shock doesnt have the same ability to re-regulate (heal) as one that is mildly unbalanced... Ie, exessive glutimate situations as an example...

Personally, I even think that too much of a shock to the complex neuro chemistry balance can result in ones body taking "short cuts" in an attempt to maintain critical function and homiostasis.. This might explain some of the lingering and unpredictable problems experienced by those that have made big or sudden changes... I think we end up with other neurotransmitter and their associated "systems" trying to do jobs they werent really designed for, adding to the complexity and non liniar nature of healing...

-But thats just my thoughts... -each to their own... Far better minds than mine, like Parker etc, do a much better job at discussing these type of things.. -Thus the orange "sticky threads"...

 

Who is posting what and where, -why and when, might have some bearing on perspective.. Have you ever read Lynn33's Story (P-log)..?? 8mg Xanax, I think it was..  You might have missed it as she didnt realy post for help once she slowed down some and found her path... -Thats common enough...

 

I think the take home message is still, We are all different in body, situation and history... And each person needs to activly find what best suits them... Assuming that option is available...

Remember the goal is to heal, not just jump...  So thats how I tend to apply time frames..

 

One thing IS for sure, Its all beyond complex...

 

[[Ca...]]

Dearest friends;  Esparanza, Deadwood, Can'tfly

 

You have all posted responses to my silly blogs in the past and I  am so thankful for all of your help.  I thought I would chime in too.

 

I, too, am almost done with my taper.  I have less than 2% of 1 mg to go and tapering sooo slowly.

 

Many of my symptoms, that I have suffered for years, have gone away.  One, my horrible pressure headache, is on full throttle.  Blinding, photophobic, phonophobic,

stiffness and numbness in my face and throat.  But, even with this going on, I have the will to type to say hello and am in good mental spirits.

 

I am celebrating today because I was able to shave one leg in the shower this morning.  Then I made it to the health food store where I had to by a couple of days

worth of something to eat because I knew I couldn't make it further to the grocery store.  There, I had a great conversation with the clerk. 

 

I am ready to jump and really begin the healing process.  I feel confident that this headache, too, shall pass, and that I can shave my other leg tomorrow.

 

Best wishes and prayers for you all.

 

Klonkar

I had to smile... -not one step at a time... -one leg at a time.. 

-Well done..-job done..!!

 

[[be...]]

The longer I am on BB, the more I think that we just don't know enough about these drugs. Why some people  go CT and not suffer and why some people taper and still have an awful time of it just baffles me.

How can this be so?

What I DO know is the benzos are far more powerful than the public (including doctors) know.

The more I read about tapering slowly, the less of a fan of this I am. People seem tp suffer so badly on long tapers. I am NOT suggesting one goes CT. But long tapers......seem to cause a huge amount of suffering.

I wish I had all the answers on this, but I do not.

If anyone does have an answer for this stuff, please speak up.

east

Hi East, I have been reading a lot of your posts and just felt it was time for me to respond, of course we all have our thoughts about how to taper...and that is as it should be...At one time wanted everyone to taper as I have...because being a long time tapering and slow as 🐢 describes me well...but I have not suffered much at all...maybe blips of sx's when my brain was healing certain areas, nothing to put me to bed or call it horrible. I guess we can all believe as we must, but what if someone reads that long time tapers cause suffering and more...would they go faster and be in total misery...that is what I do not want to happen. I know some buddies have no choice about CT, I would not advocate CT or rapid tapers for newbies...but that is my stance...I have Friends tell me that when they started here at BB all the advice that was given on how to taper to get off fast...until they realized that it was not for them...and they found out that they had to find a way to get off and do it their way...I know we are all different and we have different ways of tapering, I am just thankful that after two horrific tapers...I went too fast and crashed...that now I have a taper that has served me well...minor blips, and remained Functional. I am so thankful for Colin and BB, but I think for myself, I need to March to My Own Parade and do what is best for me...and it has worked well....I made a mistake once...I believed my ENT Doctor...when he said take this Valium...it will really help you....never will I allow anyone to tell me how I should do something that affects my Life. So in essence I am not going to knock CT, but I am not going to advise it either, and I am not ever posting on this forum that what someone is doing with their taper is horrible and not going to work...we all have to do what is best and hope that readers do not get tainted about different ways of tapering. I will support as I can. BTW I know many Friends that did slow tapers and are doing well after walking off and are healed. Best to you. 💖 Peace and Healing.

[[St...]]

The longer I am on BB, the more I think that we just don't know enough about these drugs. Why some people  go CT and not suffer and why some people taper and still have an awful time of it just baffles me.

How can this be so?

What I DO know is the benzos are far more powerful than the public (including doctors) know.

The more I read about tapering slowly, the less of a fan of this I am. People seem tp suffer so badly on long tapers. I am NOT suggesting one goes CT. But long tapers......seem to cause a huge amount of suffering.

I wish I had all the answers on this, but I do not.

If anyone does have an answer for this stuff, please speak up.

east

Hi East, I have been reading a lot of your posts and just felt it was time for me to respond, of course we all have our thoughts about how to taper...and that is as it should be...At one time wanted everyone to taper as I have...because being a long time tapering and slow as 🐢 describes me well...but I have not suffered much at all...maybe blips of sx's when my brain was healing certain areas, nothing to put me to bed or call it horrible. I guess we can all believe as we must, but what if someone reads that long time tapers cause suffering and more...would they go faster and be in total misery...that is what I do not want to happen. I know some buddies have no choice about CT, I would not advocate CT or rapid tapers for newbies...but that is my stance...I have Friends tell me that when they started here at BB all the advice that was given on how to taper to get off fast...until they realized that it was not for them...and they found out that they had to find a way to get off and do it their way...I know we are all different and we have different ways of tapering, I am just thankful that after two horrific tapers...I went too fast and crashed...that now I have a taper that has served me well...minor blips, and remained Functional. I am so thankful for Colin and BB, but I think for myself, I need to March to My Own Parade and do what is best for me...and it has worked well....I made a mistake once...I believed my ENT Doctor...when he said take this Valium...it will really help you....never will I allow anyone to tell me how I should do something that affects my Life. So in essence I am not going to knock CT, but I am not going to advise it either, and I am not ever posting on this forum that what someone is doing with their taper is horrible and not going to work...we all have to do what is best and hope that readers do not get tainted about different ways of tapering. I will support as I can. BTW I know many Friends that did slow tapers and are doing well after walking off and are healed. Best to you. 💖 Peace and Healing.

  Well said Begood.l really believe we are all individuals and we must do what is best for us.l have tried rushing this doesn't work for me however l am tapering at a pace that suits me is it perfect no however l am functional and living life and that is definitely why l will not be pushing through.

..The problem with benzo withdrawal is this we are all individuals with different medical histories and one size does not fit all.So if you are struggling with a fast taper there are other options to try.

[[es...]]

Stut, you said it best. We are all individuals. There is no one clear way to success. How we wish that were so. We would all do whatever we had to do, no matter how hard, if it was the proven path to healing. This is not like cancer, where you know you just have to gut it out and do the radiation and chemo. You know for sure that is the only way to survive. We want evidence based answers. There is very little known. We do know(thanks to Ashton and the knowledge from buddies who have past through this forum) that, most importantly, what we are experiencing is very real and was caused by Benzos. And we know that a taper is the safest way to withdraw. And it must be individual. We know to not rely on doctors blindly. This is the knowledge that may have saved more lives than we will ever know. Can anyone imagine how they would be coping with this without what imperfect knowledge we do have? Without the validation of a group of other victims? Without anyone to believe how truly bad it is? I would probably still be on Benzos, getting sicker, and searching for what was slowly killing me. We are the lucky ones. We found out. We got out. We got here. Now we need to get to the next place. The place of healing. It will be a different walk for each of us. But, at least we don’t have to walk it alone. Love, Espy