I failed

[[Su...]]

Hey buddies.

 

I got very ill in month 7. Dont know exactly what caused it but im assuming it was the stress at my work and the vit D supplement. It started with panic attacks and then I lost my appetite and then intrusive thoughts and a very very dark depression. I had to quit my job...My emotions, enthusiasm, spark, passion, and all other feelings disappeared and gave their place to fear, crying and depression.

 

I just could not take the intrusive thoughts and I accepted to take the anti dep called Paxil. It was the worse experience in my life after 7 days of taking half of it (3 days 1/4 and 4 days half of the 20mg) I was crying asking for help as I was so anxious thinking I would lose control from the restleness and anxiety. I just prayed to God to keep my sanity and not let me do anything bad. Thankfully i stayed at my parents and they helped and are helping me so much. While I was struggling with the paxil the first dr who first put me on a benzo told me to take 2 cholodiazpoxide and stop taking paxil until he puts me back on another anti dep.

 

I was mortified that moment and didnt know what to chose, going back on the benzo after 7 months and going through a total hell of one year (taper and before taper) or accepting the enormous mental and physical pain i was going through. I was even thinking of the danger of going back on a benzo worried if it will kill me so i chose to take it. In a few hours i was so calm and a bit drowsy, my appetite came back after one month (i lost7kg in 3 weeks). So i thought im only 31 and i want to live and i cant take anymore pain. I never had any problem not even the intrusive thoughts before taking the benzo and going off them. If staying on the pills even for the rest of my life keeps me functioning and gets rid of the thoughts I accept it.

I am still not recovered. I started another anti dep and hoping it will kick in. I cant go out. I was living alone, independent, brave, and now I have nothing im scared of my self and lost my trust in myself...so i just want to get back to normal. I just hope I can. My heart is broken and feel sorry for myself. I was too young to experience all of these and i still dont know if i would ever be back to life and society.

 

My only advice would be to stay away from any stress, anything upsetting you, anything making you tired and all sorts of supplement if you are off the benzo. Just eat healthy and try to enjoy life as much as possible cause our CNS is still so weak and any trigger would destroy everything.

 

Plz pray for me.

I wish u all the best

I know what u all go through

With luv

Hugs

:'( 

 

[[cr...]]

Don't worry about it. I dont fault you. Youre just doing the best you can. You can always taper it again later if you want to try again. I might be following soon. Ive had too many set backs.

[[Yu...]]

I will pray for you. So you started to take librium or other benzo? You will stabilize and go back to your normal life. Dont worry. Sometime i also think to reinstate.

[[Su...]]

Don't worry about it. I dont fault you. Youre just doing the best you can. You can always taper it again later if you want to try again. I might be following soon. Ive had too many set backs.

 

Thank you so much.

 

Yea I can always go off the AD when my life is perfect enough to replace it with happiness, healthy diet and exercise. I don't know about the benzo though. I might just be careful with that one.

 

Take care.

[[Su...]]

I will pray for you. So you started to take librium or other benzo? You will stabilize and go back to your normal life. Dont worry. Sometime i also think to reinstate.

 

Thank you so much. It's so hard to think positive when you go through any mental pain. I really hope I get back to normal soon.

 

I started taking the very first benzo called cholodiazpoxide or as I googled it Librium. This one doesnt give me any bad side effects. I take 5mg with the AD as it hasnt kicked in and 5 mg at bed time. The dr said this is the best one as it stays 24hrs in your blood.

 

When i first went cold turkey it was Librium I withdrew quickly not knowing how to taper and it was from then i got the horrible side effects and they put me on xanax which made things worse. I dont know but I think Librium is better for me. The dr told me it's 80 years old know and a well known. He said it's the safest even if I take it forever.

 

I think going off benzo is for those who are in the right place of their lives. Having a healthy diet, happy life and exercising for the rest of their lives.

[[Yu...]]

I will pray for you. So you started to take librium or other benzo? You will stabilize and go back to your normal life. Dont worry. Sometime i also think to reinstate.

 

Thank you so much. It's so hard to think positive when you go through any mental pain. I really hope I get back to normal soon.

 

I started taking the very first benzo called cholodiazpoxide or as I googled it Librium. This one doesnt give me any bad side effects. I take 5mg with the AD as it hasnt kicked in and 5 mg at bed time. The dr said this is the best one as it stays 24hrs in your blood.

 

When i first went cold turkey it was Librium I withdrew quickly not knowing how to taper and it was from then i got the horrible side effects and they put me on xanax which made things worse. I dont know but I think Librium is better for me. The dr told me it's 80 years old know and a well known. He said it's the safest even if I take it forever.

 

I think going off benzo is for those who are in the right place of their lives. Having a healthy diet, happy life and exercising for the rest of their lives.

 

I am also young and all that stuff stole my life. Let us know how do you do these days? Whish you all the best. You will be fine.

[[Su...]]

I will pray for you. So you started to take librium or other benzo? You will stabilize and go back to your normal life. Dont worry. Sometime i also think to reinstate.

 

Thank you so much. It's so hard to think positive when you go through any mental pain. I really hope I get back to normal soon.

 

I started taking the very first benzo called cholodiazpoxide or as I googled it Librium. This one doesnt give me any bad side effects. I take 5mg with the AD as it hasnt kicked in and 5 mg at bed time. The dr said this is the best one as it stays 24hrs in your blood.

 

When i first went cold turkey it was Librium I withdrew quickly not knowing how to taper and it was from then i got the horrible side effects and they put me on xanax which made things worse. I dont know but I think Librium is better for me. The dr told me it's 80 years old know and a well known. He said it's the safest even if I take it forever.

 

I think going off benzo is for those who are in the right place of their lives. Having a healthy diet, happy life and exercising for the rest of their lives.

 

I am also young and all that stuff stole my life. Let us know how do you do these days? Whish you all the best. You will be fine.

 

Thank you so much. Yes sure I will keep you all updated.

 

I know, it's sad but it's life.

 

Hugs

[[Sa...]]

Survivor,

 

May you find peace and a happy life.  We all must make these difficult decisions.

 

Prayers for you.

 

SaraSue 

[[Su...]]

Survivor,

 

May you find peace and a happy life.  We all must make these difficult decisions.

 

Prayers for you.

 

SaraSue 

 

Thank you so much 

[[so...]]

Survivor,

 

Your post made me cry.  I could “hear” your feelings of defeat and your sad acceptance of a life with drugs.  I am so sorry.  Withdrawal and recovery is so brutal on every physical and mental arena.  I honestly don’t know how I have survived 4.5 years of this level of suffering.

 

One day, maybe you will feel the need to tackle this medication beast again.  Maybe, instead, you will be perfectly content living life as you are.  Isn’t that really the point of all this?  Being happy and feeling well?

 

I was put on these pills for nausea prior to gallbladder surgery to take as needed for two months.  I never felt “at ease” taking meds.  Survivor, if you can achieve a good quality of life on meds, then you should not feel as though you’ve failed.  You’ve succeeded actually.  You’ve found your peace.

 

Sofa