oh, please help. old lady all alone and newly tapering from Ativan

[[Ca...]]

  oh, my. i am not going to make it.  i am all alone. i have no family or support.  i am afraid to go out, even.  what's happening to me.    I think i kindled myself, i take it.  because 4 years ago i was down to 1 mg. but, couldn't take it anymore and begged my provider to place me back up to 2 then 3.  and i have been on 3 mg (now 2.75) for 4 years.  I am hurting and my brain is friend and short term memory.  also, i have health anxiety.  which is not a good combination.  my Provider does NOT believe in Ashton Method. she won't hear of it, and could care less of it.  she is adamant.  so, i begged her anyways to place me on Diazepam cross over.  but, she would only give me 5 mg (instead of 10)  for 1 mg of ativan.  she did give me 5 mg. and i tried for 3 days of less and i found it wasn't helping. maybe i did not give it long enough, i don't know.  but, i DO know ATIVAN is a beast. and i won't beat it.  i am not strong enough. i am sick in mind and body.    also, end of Feb i put myself in rehab (4 days) and i really scrambled my brain up badly doing that. i wish someone would have told me not to do that.  does anyone have any help to offer me.  i am not sure, my provider is going to give me any more diazepam, since we had a big argument  over it.  and she discontinued it on me.  so, i have only my Ativan.  and it is not relieving any symptoms.  i am going to die. 

[[oc...]]

I am sorry you are going thru this.

 

I dont know what to say about your doctor. Maybe you can find another doctor that might help you. I know that psychologist are more willing to ween people off their medicine.

 

I could not get my neuros help me to get me off my topamax that i had been on for thirty years.  I went thru like three or four of them. But I found a  psychologist (pretty sure thats what she was) and she was just fine pulling me off my medicine.

 

The one I went to was also helped people with sleep issues.

 

Maybe that could be something that you could look at.

 

If you are ever feeling alone you can always PM me.

 

Good luck.

 

 

[[Ca...]]

thankyou kindly. i am in a small town, not many options for doctors.  i go into town for a poor people community  mental health place.  i don't know where to turn.  i wonder if 10 mg of diazepam would really help or not.    my provider would only give me 5. i do know they didn't really agree with me and didn't "act" like my ativan.  but, i only tried 3 days.  should i have tried longer.  i am not going to make this.  there has got to be some help for me.  i will not make it.

[[Li...]]

Hi Cathymp,

 

You will be okay. It does not feel like it right now. I totally get that, and I was at that place in January and not much better until this month.

 

Finding a doctor who will listen and work with you helps a lot. But, it can be hard to find one. Please keep calling around or asking people you know who is taking new patients. Good docs are out there.

 

If you can't find a doctor who will work on a taper, just try to get one who will write the meds. Ask for a bit more than you need as a back up in case you need to taper on your own.

 

Try reading the Ashton manual and also the taper threads here. There are various ways to get off benzos. I've tried more than one approach and have cut back a lot. The liquid taper now is working the best for me, but it varies depending on the person.

 

While it's great to have support, there are good things about not having someone looking over your shoulder all the time. I'm alone with my cat. It was really hard to start with, but I've found the lack of family drama and lack of judgement to be less stressful in the end.

 

I did go hermit for a while and still stay close to home for now. I did drive an hour to see my niece at a big hospital this week (some stress there for sure). I wasn't sure I could do it, but I did. For a while I was in the bed about 80% of the day, but I am keeping fairly regular hours now and take walks, read books, watch TV, make photos. It may not sound like a lot, but I'm moving forward, so I'm happy.

 

Hope is so important. It's hard to feel it when this stuff is the worst. Just know that is does get better. And, you're not alone. Some of the people here will understand how you are feeling and offer support. Others can give you concrete data needed. Just remember that we are all different and do what is best for you.

 

Hang in there! LA

[[oc...]]

thankyou kindly. i am in a small town, not many options for doctors.  i go into town for a poor people community  mental health place.  i don't know where to turn.  i wonder if 10 mg of diazepam would really help or not.    my provider would only give me 5. i do know they didn't really agree with me and didn't "act" like my ativan.  but, i only tried 3 days.  should i have tried longer.  i am not going to make this.  there has got to be some help for me.  i will not make it.

 

Well do what you can and see if there are doctor like psychologist or therapist. Although, im not sure if therapist can or will prescribe medicines. And when you see them tell them what they want to hear so you can get the medicine you need. 

 

Make sure in the mean time you are taking care of yourself. Get rest and exercise and drink plenty of water.

 

I'm sorry i just dont know much about your medicine or I would comment more on it. maybe someone can comment more on it or ask over in the tapering section of the forum.

 

Good luck.

[[Ca...]]

i am 65 years old. i am not sleeping, i am not eating well, i have esophogus strictures.  and, exercise???  i can't even walk out of my house.  i have agrophobia now, and i am so dizzy i fall.  so.  i don't know.  and, no, there are no docs or psycs close by me. i don't have energy or eyesight (dizzy) to drive. i almost caused 3 major accidents one day.  i have read Ashton Manual. it's just my Provider is NOT going to play by Ashtons rules.  she said "NO MORE DISCUSSION".

[[oc...]]

i am 65 years old. i am not sleeping, i am not eating well, i have esophogus strictures.  and, exercise???  i can't even walk out of my house.  i have agrophobia now, and i am so dizzy i fall.  so.  i don't know.  and, no, there are no docs or psycs close by me. i don't have energy or eyesight (dizzy) to drive. i almost caused 3 major accidents one day.  i have read Ashton Manual. it's just my Provider is NOT going to play by Ashtons rules.  she said "NO MORE DISCUSSION".

 

I'm not saying you should run a marathon. I just mean to walk in place at your home or get up and down from a chair. Anything to keep your body in movement.

 

I hope you feel better

[[Li...]]

i am 65 years old. i am not sleeping, i am not eating well, i have esophogus strictures.  and, exercise???  i can't even walk out of my house.  i have agrophobia now, and i am so dizzy i fall.  so.  i don't know.  and, no, there are no docs or psycs close by me. i don't have energy or eyesight (dizzy) to drive. i almost caused 3 major accidents one day.  i have read Ashton Manual. it's just my Provider is NOT going to play by Ashtons rules.  she said "NO MORE DISCUSSION".

 

I'm 57 y/o. I had three full nights of sleep (7 hours) in over three months and lost 28 lbs. I'd not driven more than 12 miles for two years before this past week. Yes. I fell. In fact I blacked out twice and may have had seizures. Don't know. With the falls (not the black outs), I broke my tail bone, knocked open the surgery site on my knee from two years ago where I almost lost my leg, and fractured my ring finger joint.

 

My exercise did not start with walks and taking photos. When I moved from the bed to the couch, I would stand up during some of the TV commercials and swing my arms if I was really feeling good. I worked up to the walks - a circle outside around my house for example.

 

My doctor is not interested in an Ashton taper. I did cut and hold and had horrible s/x. I spent a lot of time reading taper methods and am doing the DLMT (daily liquid micro taper). I get 1 mg per day per the doc, but I'm using .39 per day of liquid at this time. I save extras to continue the taper on my own if necessary.

 

This is a town of 800 people and rural, so I do know what you're talking about. It is hard when there are no services. It is very hard getting off a benzo period. The s/x are brutal and can have a huge impact on quality of life. I am working on the taper and on getting as well as I can so that I can get a job. I've got a number of years before I qualify for retirement.

 

There are people who do understand what you are going through. We are here. We are trying to get better just as you are. 

 

 

[[Su...]]

Cathymp,

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is to do it alone in your home. But it’s true that sometimes there is less stress and expectations this way. It hard for others to understand.

 

I have felt just like you. That I won’t make it. I have severe, chronic pain, started pre benzo, that has me Homebound. Then I get a day, an hour, a few minutes where I am a bit better. Hold onto any minute that makes you feel life. You are stronger than you know!!💜

 

Sun🌻

[[An...]]

Cathy, where is your family. Do they live far away from you?

[[Ca...]]

my family has passes, except for my only daughter who lives in Boston. i live in iowa. she cannot come to me , she has demanding full time job.