I miss freedom and independence... how to tell if it's w/d or anxiety/PTSD

[[Ne...]]

Ever since I've gone through withdrawal (currently ~18 months off, CT 10mg diazepam) I have had anxiety and anxious thoughts. When I think of driving a car, and although I might be able to do it, I think about stuff like "What if halfway there, I get a panic attack and then I'm all alone? I'll have to call my mom, and then an ambulance, and it'll be a disaster".

 

I never had thoughts like that before benzo withdrawal. My goodness, I remember how free I felt. I drove to the gym 35 kilometers away from home in the middle of the night, driving through totally empty  routes where nobody lives, through the woods on a lonely road. Didn't phase me in the slightest. Staying home alone - not a problem. In fact I liked it.

 

I so miss that. I cannot begin to express how much I want that sense of freedom back. Knowing I can drive my car wherever, without being anxious. Just being ok with being alone, and having peace in that. I don't have peace with myself at the moment. I get anxious alone (depends on the circumstances). I want independence back. You don't realize how "rich" you are in life until something's taken from you.