New Here.... But not New to Xanax

[[Ka...]]

Hello all....  I am so happy to have found you and hoping to get some advice on how to not give up eradicating Xanax from my life.

My Xanax journey began 12 years ago when my Mom died of cancer.  I am a Chemist and own and run 2 laboratories.... Its fairly stressful, but I love what I do.  At the time my mom died I began having severe insomnia that lasted for weeks and weeks.  My doc put me on 0.25mg of Xanax.  It was like a miracle.  I slept like a log and felt great!  I tend to be a wired person during the day and even this got better!  HAPPINESS! 

As the years went by.... and they did.... and I reached a tolerance, my doc started increasing my dosage.  Fast forward 12 years...... I was up to 1 mg a night and not sleeping well, but refused to increase my dosage.  Several months ago my doctor retired and my new doctor told me straight up... GET OFF of the Xanax.  Offered no help except for a sad frown and told me I had very 'limited' time she would prescribe it for me and I would have to take a drug screen every time I needed a refill.  YIKES.  I started weaning off and I saw her 6 weeks later and I was very satisfied I was down to 0.5mg a night.  She WAS NOT impressed.  She repeated GET OFF and that I needed to do better.  I got myself down to 0.25mg and began having weird things happen.  My head hurt.  My mouth feels dry and yucky, no matter how many times I brush my teeth.  My body hurts.  I'm intolerant to people.... and that's no way to be an employer.    I have a ton of tension in my back and chest and I am guessing that is anxiety.  I forgot to take it one night and decided to rip off the band aide and go completely off.  That lasted a whopping 2 days.  I was beside myself and caved and took a .25 to make it stop.  And here I am..... not able to get off it completely and feeling pretty darn bad everyday.  Maybe I just need to know I am not alone.  This is awful.

I know this was supposed to be kinda short..... sorry.

[[me...]]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  We are glad you decided to join us.  You'll find a lot of support and information on this forum, which is the only one of its kind online.  It's amazing how many doctors seem to know little or nothing about how difficult benzo withdrawal can be, and some even cut theor patients off completely.  Many members have stories similar to yours.

 

For those starting a taper, we generally recommend starting out at a rate of 5 to 10% every 10-14 days, then adjusting the taper to suit your own needs.  Note: very short term users may be able to taper faster.

 

Withdrawal symptoms, which vary widely but commonly include anxiety and insomnia, often occur during a taper, but these are temporary and will get better in time.  In general, first tapers are easier, but cold turkeys or multiple withdrawals may be more severe and longer lasting.  Here are a few links to get you started:

 

The Ashton Manual, a concise reference for tapering and symptom issues.  Chapter III contains excellent descriptions of common symptoms such as muscle issues, anxiety, and hyper-awareness

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

Once again, welcome!

[[Ka...]]

Thank you for your kind welcome!!!

[[Ro...]]

Hello and welcome!! I wish you the best of luck in your withdrawal.

I would suggest you to follow the Ashton Manual, no matter how long does it take your process...

Please try to do it a slowly pace!

 

 

[[Ka...]]

Thank you!  Very wise advice.... I am going to stay at 0.25 mg for a few weeks then start to slowly taper again.  Work has been very difficult.  I have issues focusing on reports and have let things slip through my fingers.  Not a good business practice..... but the last 2 months I have felt pretty bad.

I woke up today and felt better than I have in weeks.  The power of 'not feeling alone anymore'?  Maybe.... But I'll take it.  Grateful.

[[Li...]]

I'm glad you are feeling better today. The side effects from benzo w/d can be really painful as you've noticed, but most people here find them tolerable with a slow taper. I hope your doctor will be supportive as that helps reduce stress too.

 

I used Xanax long term like you without knowing the damage of doing so and had problems with side effects. Though I'm still tapering, the small reductions have made life a lot easier.

 

All the best in your journey to a Xanax-free life, LA

[[Ka...]]

Thanks, Honey... and what a great job you're doing!!

I have to say I find it interesting that no one here seems pissed off at the doctors who readily prescribe this.......  I'm kinda angry ... but take 90% responsibility for the situation I am in.  I find it interesting that the doc's would rather prescribe a pill..... than help with the underlying cause of a particular situation.

Insomnia is a huge health problem.....  Good restful sleep is so important to good health, but I was so desperate to sleep I would have done anything.

I am taking melatonin now..... and magnesium to try to relax my mind and body at night.  Today was such a good day and I am so grateful.  It almost felt weird to feel good.  Been so long...... 

[[Li...]]

I have moments when I feel angry toward that old GP. The police did shut him down for over-prescribing pain pills with some related deaths. So, in the greater scheme of things, I'm still alive and will get off these. I also hope to make a difference for others, so this doesn't continue to happen.

 

At the start of the year I was so sick, I didn't have the energy for anger. I'd just force myself to drive one mile to a tiny grocery store and grab food, return home, and get in bed. Things have improved a lot though. My grouchy, old cat mellowed and is now my almost constant companion (and loving). I'm eating much better, taking walks two or three times per day, and shooting flower photos on my walks. It's a start!

 

[[Ka...]]

It's a great start!!!!! 

[[Ka...]]

I would really like to sleep.....  I have watched every episode or every series known to mankind. 

Hopeful tonight I will get 2 straight hours .....

[[Sa...]]

Kac,

 

I was doc prescribed Xanax for 12 years and I’m furious at all three!  Told me it was safe!  Forced ct in dec.  Amazing you are able to work, I can’t string a few paragraphs together.  You’re to be commended. 

 

I’m in month 5 since ct.  I am slowly healing.

 

SaraSue 

[[Li...]]

Insomnia is a very common side effect. It's an awful one I know.

 

It took some time, but I get better sleep some nights now. There were three or four full nights in a row, and I thought I was over the insomnia. The last couple of nights have been wicked brutal, but I realized I missed a dose of Xanax sometime.

 

So, for me, it was a good day now and then followed by better days all 'round and a short string of normal sleeping (which I had pretty much given up on). The sleeping comes back I think but not in a linear fashion.

 

I wish you good sleep and soon!

[[Sa...]]

Kac,

 

Insomnia ... I didn’t sleep the first 5 weeks after ct.  I slept 2 hours broken sleep until Month 5 ...

5-6 hours broken sleep.  Insomnia is better.

 

SaraSue 

[[Ka...]]

Thanks for the insights! I skipped a .25 the other night and have been feeling pretty bad.  :/

Lightheaded .. tension... weird head things.  I've been at 0.25 for a couple weeks and can't seem to taper right now.  Very disappointing.  I'm tired. It does affect me at work.  Big time, but my partner is very understanding.  Thankfully.  We also run a chapter charity for kids who dont have beds.... we build them and supply them with beds and mattresses and bedding.  On my way to a delivery now and just want to cry.

I knew this would be hard ... but didnt expect to feel like death warmed over.  Sad for all of us....

[[Sa...]]

Kac,

 

I imagine a quick death would feel better, but we’re here to live!

 

May tomorrow be better!

 

Sara 

[[Ka...]]

There is always hope

Kris

[[Li...]]

I came up with a quarter cup left last night (no clue on that mistake), so I also cut without knowing it one day. Since I do DLMT, the 1/4 cup was also a 25% reduction. Argh. I sure felt that.

 

That is wonderful that you make beds for kids without. That must mean so much to them. What a beautiful project!

 

 

[[Ka...]]

Thank you, Lilyann.....  it's very humbling delivering beds to these kids who have only known the floor.....

It makes me realize that my problems are minuscule in comparison...... but very real to me.  It does help me focus more on others..... and not so much on my own feelings.

Hoping to sleep tonight.....  wishing this for everyone ♡

Tomorrow is a new day!!

[[Ka...]]

I'm hurting. 

[[Sa...]]

I’m sorry you’re hurting Kris.  Withdrawal can be very painful.  Hold on, you can get through this! Pm me if you want.

 

Sara