Help please. What do you say to yourself when it gets really bad?

[[Ru...]]

I just passed 8 months after ct and am looking for some support.  I have been having some very very bad days.  I have days where my muscles in my midsection involuntarily tighten so hard that I literally scream with every exhale.  I can not walk when this happens.  I also can not sit or lay.  I am bent at the waist shuffling my feet a few inches at a time.  Surviving.  This lasts for a few hours.  Then I go back to regular old hell.  What do you tell yourself to keep moving forward?  I could use a little help and some ideas.  Thank you so much for your help.  I have not been on the site much because for the first 8 months I could not even look at a computer. 

[[ma...]]

I'm So sorry Runner 3,

I have not had exactly what you are describing. I have had plenty other bad symptoms. I am at 7 1/2 months off. I just prayed for you when I read your post. I know how bad it can be. I pray that God will heal you soon and give you the desires of your heart. The way I see it is that God is the only one who knows exactly how you feel. So I prayed so much and had the faith knowing only God can do something about this terrible pain we go through. I also thank God that he gave us a body that will heal from this. Its hard to wait on the Lord sometimes because we want to feel better now. I know I did. I prayed that He would give me the strength to get through this. No im not healed but I have gone 7.5 months off of Satan's pills and I thank God for that. I will continue to pray for you and may you find power in your prayers as well. God bless you

[[un...]]

Hi Runner-

 

Yeah, I got the same sort of muscle tightness you describe. I'm approx. 12 months out and it's not quite as bad as it was 2 months ago. Still have spasms in my back too but those have leveled off as well. It was so bad early on, that if I dropped something, it would literally take me a full minute to get down on my hands and knees to pick it up. The only thing that seems to help somewhat, is a good hot shower on the affected area (mid-back) followed by some gentle  stretching. I've noticed that the physical symptoms tend to trade off with the mental ones. But even on a relatively good day, there will always be an undercurrent of unease and as you said, a tightness in the gut. I try and remind myself that this is just PAWS talking and will pass with time, but it's still quite a challenge.

 

Feel better!

[[Le...]]

I hear you.  My lower back and hips still occassionally lock up in waves.  What I say to myself is that "this is temporary; my body is healing nerves that were damaged so it can function even better" In other words; I try to view the symptom as healing and this is getting less and less frequent with less and less intensity over time.  So sorry we have to deal with this but it will end.  11 months off...

[Guest [di...]]

I'm so sorry you are going through this and having so much pain. I have it in my hip/lower back and it's been getting worse and worse. I can relate to the involuntary screaming pain, it's awful. I was CT'd and had to reinstate and my taper is pretty bad now, worse than ever. I remind myself that I have gotten through the pain and it will pass. That, eventually, my body will heal more and more. That this wave or symptom is temporary. I am glued to my heating pad, have you tried that on your midsection? I'm using acceptance and compassion for myself during these times. I use a lot of distraction, whatever I can manage. May this pass soon for you!

[Guest [Ko...]]

I look myself in the mirror every morning and tell myself "I will not kill you today".

[[Ru...]]

Thanks for the responses.  I appreciate it.