Stuck

[[cr...]]

How can I go this long and never experience any improvement? 17 months is such a long time. My dad made me take cbd again last night. I didnt want to take anything but I was kinda losing it. Involuntary movements and what not. Pretty certain I almost siezured again. Wife and I were crying in each others arms cus I thought I was going to die from drug withdrawal. I dont understand why I have to suffer this much. Ive lost hope that ill ever come out of acute like set backs. I cant stop kindling. I guess Im stuck like this. Well i guess ill see how it goes since dad thinks cbd is okay. Maybe it won't totally screw me over like everything else.

[[Ne...]]

That sounds bad. I hope you feel some relief soon. Maybe you should just accept it for now and set yourself a milestone-goal, like let's say at 24 months. Compare then with now.

 

I know what you meant when you wrote about the desperation and crying, fearing death by drug withdrawal.

 

What exactly do you mean when you say "I can't keep kindling". Isn't kindling when you successfully withdraw from benzos, then take them again and get physically dependent once again?

[[cr...]]

Right. But i meant having set backs from supplements and meds. Does that not count? Im pretty certain taking things is preventing me from healing. Maybe im just using the terminology wrong.

[[In...]]

How can I go this long and never experience any improvement? 17 months is such a long time. My dad made me take cbd again last night. I didnt want to take anything but I was kinda losing it. Involuntary movements and what not. Pretty certain I almost siezured again. Wife and I were crying in each others arms cus I thought I was going to die from drug withdrawal. I dont understand why I have to suffer this much. Ive lost hope that ill ever come out of acute like set backs. I cant stop kindling. I guess Im stuck like this. Well i guess ill see how it goes since dad thinks cbd is okay. Maybe it won't totally screw me over like everything else.

 

Gosh, I know exactly how you feel! its like the shield of the CNS is gone and we have to go through life as best we can. As soon as something hits my CNS, it seems the 12 months of time I put in brings me right back to the beginning and sometimes it feels worse. Didn't even take a GABA drug to feel like I just CT'd Xanax

[[Le...]]

Every stress situations gives me a setback sometimes more sometimes not so much.

But in month 10 I was hitten by 5month acute wave. But now 16m. Off even 17 months off I am so scared from such a brutal long waves. I know how you feel Buddies after so long time in this its a super devastating...Some people are healed in this period....

[[In...]]

How bad was the wave? My setback was worse than acute for me. I paced and could not sit down. The oversensitivity overactive nerves left me awake for 7 days on 2 hrs sleep pacing, crying and burning from head to toe. My pulse was very high as well. RLS in arms and legs and all over my body. tinnitus bad with ear thumping.

[[Le...]]

How bad was the wave? My setback was worse than acute for me. I paced and could not sit down. The oversensitivity overactive nerves left me awake for 7 days on 2 hrs sleep pacing, crying and burning from head to toe. My pulse was very high as well. RLS in arms and legs and all over my body. tinnitus bad with ear thumping.

My waves are exactly the same! You tells that last seven Months the was vanish?

[[cr...]]

Dear God. Finally someone who understands lol. Yes nonstop pacing and involuntary movements. Plus the elctrical burning sensations that leaves u with headaches.

[Guest [Le...]]

It’s really not ‘kindling’ – you’re just experiencing typical withdrawal.

 

I felt pretty hopeful when I was four months off, despite horrible symptoms, but around ten months off I fell off a cliff and became bed bound, and felt as though I had been set on fire.

 

Even though you’re probably going through the worst experience of your life, it’s still best not to dwell on everything so much, and try to simply accept it as part of a pretty brutal deal.

 

The reason benzos seem so impossible to get off is exactly this – we all are in such hell that it doesn’t even seem possible that we’ll ever have our normal lives back.

 

Just try to accept it, and let your brain repair itself. Try to avoid assigning any meaning to every symptom or setback. There’s absolutely no logic or pattern to benzo recovery.

[Guest [NM...]]

Perhaps this will help:

 

 

How long do benzodiazepines stay in the body after withdrawal? This question is often asked by people with long-term symptoms. Is it possible that one cause of protracted symptoms is that benzodiazepines remain in the body even after months, lurking perhaps deep in such tissues as brain and bones? Could slow elimination from these sites keep the withdrawal symptoms going?

 

Like many other issues concerning benzodiazepines, the answers to these questions are still unclear. Benzodiazepine concentrations in the blood have been measured and shown to reach undetectable levels in 3-4 weeks after cessation of use in people withdrawn from clinical doses. Information on benzodiazepine concentrations in the brain and other tissues is difficult to obtain, especially in humans. Benzodiazepines certainly enter the brain and also dissolve in all fatty (lipid-containing) tissues including fat deposits all over the body. It is possible that they linger in such tissues for some time after blood levels have become undetectable. However, most body tissues are in equilibrium with the blood that constantly perfuses them, and there is no known mechanism whereby benzodiazepines could be "locked up" in tissues such as the brain. There is no data on how long benzodiazepines remain in bones, which have a lower fat content but also a slower rate of cell turnover.

 

Nevertheless, the concentration of benzodiazepines remaining in body tissues after withdrawal must be very low, otherwise the drugs would leak back into the blood in discernible amounts. It is difficult to imagine that such concentrations would be sufficient to produce clinical effects or that any direct effects could last for months or years. However, it is not inconceivable that even low concentrations might be enough to prevent the return of GABA/benzodiazepine receptors in the brain to their pre-benzodiazepine state. If so, the receptors would continue to be resistant to the natural calming actions of GABA (See Chapter I), and the effect could be to prolong the state of nervous system hyperexcitability. Possible factors contributing to protracted symptoms are outlined in Table 4.

https://benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm#36

 

And she also speaks to your bone analogy, that the body doesn't heal then unheal.  Which is true!  We heal!  However, our fragile CNS will be vulnerable to stress, so we need to protect it until it heals, which takes more time.  This process is like caring for a baby - our newborn CNS needs to be cared for until it matures and we have to parent it along.    But, if it gets impacted by stress, it throws a tantrum and feels like we're in acute again, or our healing feels as if it's set back, and all the sxs flare up.  Ashton is much more articulate than I am on this subject: 

 

It is not unusual to experience recurrence of apparent benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms years after a successful withdrawal and a return to normal health. The particular pattern of symptoms is unique to the individual, depending on his physical and psychological makeup, and no doubt on the innate density of his/her benzodiazepine receptors and the balance of his endozepines (see above). The experience of benzodiazepine withdrawal is deeply etched into the mind and memory of those who have been through it, and is actually physically present in the strength and connections of their neural synapses, as all memories are. These recurrent symptoms are all signs of GABA underactivity with its accompanying increased output of excitatory neurotransmitters, resulting in a hyperactive, hypersensitive central nervous system. The mechanism is exactly the same as that of benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is why the symptoms are the same.

 

In nearly every case of apparent recurrence, the precipitating cause for the return of symptoms turns out, on close inspection, to be an increase in environmental stress. The trigger may be a new stress or worry which may be unrecognised so that the return of symptoms seems to occur out of the blue. Contributing factors can be an infection, surgery, dental problems, work problems, fatigue, bereavement, family problems, loss of sleep, adverse reaction to a drug, change of environment - almost anything. It may also be that with increasing age and long-term worries, the brain simply gets less efficient at coping with stress. In addition, there may still be some lingering old disturbing worries/thoughts/memories that have been buried in the unconscious mind but are resurfacing now because the brain has not been able to deal with them adequately in the past. For those who have experienced a traumatic benzodiazepine withdrawal, an element of post-traumatic-stress disorder (PTSD) may be involved. This is a recurrent condition that can be triggered by small reminders of the past trauma. It is as if any new stress pushes the individual over the limits of his stress-coping abilities. As discussed above, some people who have been on long-term benzodiazepine treatment have a lowered tolerance to stress, even after they have stopped taking the drug, and are therefore more vulnerable to new or recurrent stresses.

https://benzo.org.uk/ashsupp11.htm