Coming off Ativan/Klonopin irregular but prescribed use after 5 months

[[Vi...]]

Hello everyone,

Just looking for hope here...  from reading other accounts across the internet, I didn't think my journey would be that tough based off of my disposition, dosage, and duration taking benzos.

 

I am a 35 year old male.  So, I had a panic attack Nov. 29th, 2018.  Was sitting at home, noticed a spot in my vision (was a self-resolving benign condition) and started to look up stuff on webMD, ad I always had...  but something was different this time...  it immediately felt overwhelming.  I felt lightheaded and overwhelmed.  I tried to lay down and slow my breathing, but nothing helped.  I tried switching positions off and on and then after an hour, the only thing I could compare the feeling to was when I had appendicitis.  My mom was up for a visit, so I asked her to call the ambulance, as I was convinced I was dying.  My heart was pounding over 120 bpm resting, BP shot up to 160/110...  I thought this was it.  Got to the hospital, they ran a battery of tests, and everything came back fine.  I was given ativan.  Fell asleep in my bed at the ER, woke up a few hours later, vitals were completely normal, was discharged, got up and went home.

 

Had a slight scare two days later and returned to the ER, but I started feeling better while talking to my wife on the way there.  The ER doc was cool.  I explained to him that I was a stay-at-home dad of 4 children, and he said, "man, what you're going through is normal.  Probably just need to see a therapist..."  I asked stupidly asked him if I could have some more Ativan to get me through until I was able to get therapy.  He obliged and gave me a script if 30.  What I wouldn't give to go back to that day...

 

Anyway, I have never done illegal drugs (nor legal if you consider weed now), never tried them, never smoked, never drank, and have avoided scripts at all cost my entire life.  Even after double wisdom tooth extraction I was awake for and after my appendectomy, I took one painkiller each time and dumped the rest to avoid any possible addiction risk.

 

But, once these panic attacks started, I was in complete fear.  After that script was filled, I was doing relatively great...  I went from the whole month of December to probably February maybe only taking 5 pills total (1mg each).  When I really felt helpless, they were a great option and I had no craving or desire for them.  But, as a follow-up from my ER visit, I was told to see my cardiologist for a check-up just to make sure there werent any underlying issues that caused the panic attack.  So, late February,  I went in to see him, and being that I have had a bicuspid aortic valve my entire life, and was overdue for my check up, I instantly became overwhelmed with anxiety and thoughts of worst case scenarios...  additionally, my grandfather I was very close with passed around this same time, and I was turned away from a therapy office nearby after they lived to me about a deductible they wanted in cash before I could be seen (I don't have a co-pay).  So, while scouring the internet for what my heart tests would involve, I scared myself into bed with thoughts of all worst case scenarios...  I underwent monitoring, an echo, and a CT and all came back as perfectly as I could hope.  No change in my heart since I was seen last, almost 4 years ago.  Clean bill of health,  no limitations - just as I always pray for.  Thank God!  But, at this point, I had started taking the ativan fairly regularly to get through the anxiety of it all and had began laying in bed all day, every day.  I've been doing so ever since - mostly bed ridden, nauseous or anxiety, barely eating, and have lost roughly 40 lbs. In 2 months ( luckily, I had some extra to spare lol).

 

So, with the anxiety of the tests, combined with my grandfather passing, I was a wreck.  I ended up taking a remaining 23 Ativan between February and March.  By March, my GP suggested to switch to Klonopin to help wean off the benzos.  I was prescribed 60 total 0.5 MG tablets, twice daily as needed.  Never at any point during this period, did I feel cravings or dependent.  But after only 12.5 of those klonopin pills (again, 0.5mgs each), I realized something was different.

 

And now here I am...  over a period of 4 months or so, I took 28 1 mg Ativan, often only .5 as needed, and then 12.5 pills of .5mg klonopin total, again, often in lower dosages than recommended...  and yet, after a day or two, I started getting tremors in my hand and a searing pain, pressure, and tightness through my chest, stomach, and back.  I couldn't sleep.  I decided enough...  I'm stronger than this.  After encouragement from my wife, who also went through panic episodes some years back and was prescribed klonopin and quit cold turkey after 2 months of consistent use, I quit cold Turkey two weeks ago.  Or so I thought...  made it to the 3rd night, and i couldn't do it anymore.  Had been taking .25 klonopin as needed, and i had to jump up to .50 to level off the w/d symptoms.  I then emailed my GP, told him I was gonna try c/t again, but was wondering if he suggested I should try cutting the pill into 1/4th and taking .125 a couple times to wean slightly, maybe for like a week...  he said that sounded great.  So, Monday, I had taken the .50 coming off the first failed c/t, Tuesday I took .125, then stopped it.  I made it 4 hours from a full 5 days off and was an absolute wreck.  The searing torso pain, pressure, now with stiff neck, tremors, face going numb, feeling faint, and I now also have urinary retention in which my flow stops and goes on it's own.  Oh, and this was after

3 days of no sleep.  Good times.  I have NEVER felt worse.  So, I reluctantly gave in, took .25 klonopin, fell asleep for 3 hours, woke up in a panic with my head feeling like my brain and eyes were on fire.  Took another .50mgs.  Fell asleep for about 3 hours.  Woke up in the middle if the night, still feeling on edge, much like I felt earlier in the day, so i took another .25 mgs.  So, for a guy who had never taken more than .50 mgs of klonopin since I've had it, I'm now up to a full 1 mg in 1 day and feel like a total failure, and somewhat hopeless.  I've heard a lot of great things about the site, so I'm hoping it will help me get my life back.  Thanks!

[[ma...]]

Hi  VictoryOverBZs Welcome to Benzobuddies

 

We are glad that you found our community.  You are not a failure! The nature of benzodiazepines is that they need to be tapered off slowly!  a cold turkey is not recommended, it can bring on severe symptoms.  Sorry about your grandfather, it must have been tough for you.  I know how hopeless you can feel!  you will come through this, it will get better.    It doesn't take long to become physically dependent on benzodiazepines, Irregular use can lead to dependency.  These drugs should be tapered off slowly and carefully, being among others who understand this process can make it a little easier to get through it.

 

It is usually recommended for those who have been taking an erratic dose, to stabilise at a set daily dose, before starting a taper.  The general tapering guidelines are to cut the daily dose by between 5% and 10% every 10 - 14 days.  You can alter the schedule according to how you are feeling.  The aim is to keep any withdrawal symptoms manageable.

 

I would suggest that you familiarise yourself with the Ashton Manual, It is a great resource for understanding the effect benzo’s have on our body.  It provides Tapering and withdrawal information and includes a list of common symptoms  We have a great community here of knowledgeable and friendly people who understand this process.  They will be willing to share their experience with you.  Feel free to ask questions so that members can respond

 

Here are some helpful links:

 

The Ashton Manual. 

 

General Taper Plans

 

Withdrawal Support

 

Please add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) it will help members give you relevant advice.  Go to the top of the page and select PROFILE then choose forum profile then insert drug history into the text box and remember to click change profile

 

Welcome aboard

 

Magrita