I have done hard things, but this...

[[he...]]

Saying this is the "hardest thing I've ever had to go through" is an understatement.

 

I have done hard things before. Really hard.

I have done endurance mountain bike races where I would be on a bike for a solid 10+ hours. The training involved to accomplish this is hard too.

I have lost loved ones, including my mother. I grieved, but was still able to clear my mind and relax in between grieving.

I have hit impossible deadlines at school and work. A lot of late nights and strenuous thinking, but then I'd rest up, I would move on to the next.

I have done public speaking in front of a LOT of people.. both strangers and peers. Sure, I would get nervous, but it felt like normal human nervousness.

And more..

 

I felt like because I was able to do those things I was strong. I thought I was equipped to handle whatever came my way, I could have never predicted what a year on and off benzos would do. Like all of you, I was completely in the dark of what a nightmare this would be. I went off Xanax for 3+ months before, and accepted a prescription for Klonopin because I was in hell and didn't know what was wrong with me. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I had known that it takes so long to heal from this. I knew benzos could be addictive and dependency forming drugs when I started them, but I really thought going off of them would be like having a week or two of "cravings".

 

But alas... what's in the past is past. Here we are... all moving forward and fighting. This time I do know what is wrong with me. This time I know that it's all part of the healing process. This time I won't let up. I fear I may lose everything in the process, but I know that no matter what happens, I will be a new and stronger person when this is all over. I really do believe that I will be 100% fully equipped to handle whatever comes my way after this... because I cannot imagine anything else in the entire world being tougher than this.

 

Hold on everybody! And I will be holding on with you.

 

[Guest [so...]]

Thank you for this post, like you I thought I was tough and resilient but this experience has brought me to my knees. Your post made me feel less alone in this today.