When the symptoms start to fade (Encouragement) - Question(s) for the Healed

[[Fa...]]

I am hoping that those who are healed, or those who feel they are getting close to the end of their journey will jump into this thread and provide encouragement.

 

When I look back at my journey I know I've come SO far.  Gone are the days/nights of absolute TERROR.

Gone is the fear of being home alone (although I'm still not a HUGE fan - I can manage)

Gone is the DP/DR; that thick fuzzy brain fog that I couldn't connect to anything through.

Gone are the nights with zero or only an hour or two of sleep (I'm now getting 4 or 5 - maybe more on good nights)

Gone are those horrendous mornings of cortisol surges and waking up shaking and sweating.

Gone is the depression.

Gone is most of the anxiety.  I can feel very calm at times.

I truly thought when those symptoms went away I would consider myself healed.

 

BUT, I can't claim healing yet.

I still have:

 

Inability to watch tv shows I used to watch (cop shows, crime shows, etc.)

Don't like social media

Brain racing with thoughts about everything from marriage to retirement to kids, etc.

Worrying that I'm healed and my thought processes are now my new "normal"

Not being able to stop thinking about it.  I call it "monkey brain"

My memories feel different, if that makes sense.  When I think back about a memory (especially something during withdrawal) I just feel weird.

Tinnitus (but not too severe)

Anger - irrational response to stresses (arguments, etc.) - NOTHING violent - just anger.

Slight paranoid thoughts - nothing severe, but worrisome - like I was at the movies yesterday and the electricity went out - my brain raced to "is there a shooter in the building?"  But I can talk myself out of it pretty fast.

 

Can anybody else relate to feeling like you "should" be healed - that you're SO close - yet you still have this fear that you're not back to your normal self and things just aren't right??

 

Is this how it feels towards the end of the journey?

 

I know most people here are struggling bad.  And I think most people when they get to the point where I am they make the decision to leave here and try to push past the last of it without thinking about it so much.  I think it's one of the reasons there aren't as many success stories vs. how many people post here and just disappear.  I'm ready to do it myself (although I am committed to coming back eventually when I know for certain I AM healed - because success stories are SO encouraging to me).

 

Thing is, I know I've posted about this before - in a similar fashion - months ago.  And when I look back I've had healing SINCE then . . . so I try to tell myself just keep hanging on . . . it WILL just keep getting better.

 

But I just can't seem to get to that "LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER" point.  Yeah, I feel better, but it still feels SO hard to get through every day.

It's not that "groundhog day" feeling that I used to have - even that's gone away.  But I don't wake up feeling like "life is fantastic because I survived Benzo Withdrawal" that I read about in SO many success stories.

 

Does that make sense?  I don't even know if I'm explaining myself well. LOL

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to validate that this is how they felt say 3 or so months prior to considering themselves healed.  I'm not trying to put a timeframe on my healing... but based on previous healing and all, I'm hoping by the end of summer I'll be writing that success story.

 

For those in the thick of it reading this, know it DOES get better!!  Those horrible horrible symptoms do go away.  I remember opening the refrigerator and thinking the world would end because I had one stick of butter left!  I remember a simple breeze outside my window would throw me into a panic.  Hearing a siren would make me want to crawl under my bed.  Walking the dog at night?  NOT A CHANCE! 

 

All that goes away.  It took what seemed like forever (about a year) - but it gets better!!

 

Thanks to anyone who replies with their experience/advice to let me know how long this "tail end" might decide to last.

 

Fakeit

 

 

 

[[se...]]

Hi FakeIt,  I can relate to this.  All of it.  You said it well.  I'm over 8 months off and everyday I realize how much better I feel compared to the unimaginable amount of pain I was going through months before.  I know though, I have more to go.  I'm just not sure how long and right now, it seems like this "tail end" of healing will take awhile.

 

The biggest things I can relate to in what you said are that I'm worried that my thought processes now are my new normal and the "monkey brain". I have anger over small things that are really not significant and slight paranoia too and really, everything else you listed.  I think about my experience all the time too and check here a lot but I think that is starting to level off.

 

I have moments of feeling really good too.  Do you??  They are fleeting. I know our histories are a little different but I've been getting a lot of rest (not always sleep which is ~4.5 hours) and I exercise a ton.  I put a lot of effort into self-care too and give myself plenty of time to recuperate from the exercise and any stress I experience throughout the day.

 

So good to hear you've made it this far!  I remember several of your posts when I was going through rough times and I was scared by some of them lol but I could relate to a lot of them.  I think this is how it will go for me until one day I just look back and realize, "Hey, I think I made it!"  I too am interested in hearing from others who consider themselves healed if there are any left.

[[Fa...]]

Hi FakeIt,  I can relate to this.  All of it.  You said it well.  I'm over 8 months off and everyday I realize how much better I feel compared to the unimaginable amount of pain I was going through months before.  I know though, I have more to go.  I'm just not sure how long and right now, it seems like this "tail end" of healing will take awhile.

 

The biggest things I can relate to in what you said are that I'm worried that my thought processes now are my new normal and the "monkey brain". I have anger over small things that are really not significant and slight paranoia too and really, everything else you listed.  I think about my experience all the time too and check here a lot but I think that is starting to level off.

 

I have moments of feeling really good too.  Do you??  They are fleeting. I know our histories are a little different but I've been getting a lot of rest (not always sleep which is ~4.5 hours) and I exercise a ton.  I put a lot of effort into self-care too and give myself plenty of time to recuperate from the exercise and any stress I experience throughout the day.

 

So good to hear you've made it this far!  I remember several of your posts when I was going through rough times and I was scared by some of them lol but I could relate to a lot of them.  I think this is how it will go for me until one day I just look back and realize, "Hey, I think I made it!"  I too am interested in hearing from others who consider themselves healed if there are any left.

 

Oh my!!  Your post is very encouraging for me.  Thank you for replying!

 

Yes, I have moments of feeling really good too!  Like today, I almost feel "normal", until I start folding laundry and my brain starts running.

I actually just hung up the phone with hubby and we were talking about retirement (still a few years off) but 4-6 months ago I wouldn't have even been able to imagine it or think about it without totally freaking out in my brain.

 

We brought up me taking anger management classes too.  I have to laugh at that because I actually said "yeah, that would be good".  BUT, if you knew me before all this I am the last person on the planet that you'd ever imagine taking an anger management course.  I'm so calm and mellow typically.  Honestly.  But, now that my brain is in an altered state and I still have healing to do I think to myself "why not?".  If I learn skills that will help me manage my anger until my healing is complete, imagine how calm I will be when I'm fully healed!  It's the same with my anxiety.  I know I was super stressed out before all this started.  Now I can have days where the calm can actually seem overwhelming because I'm NOT used to it.  'Ya know?  I totally forgot what it was like BEFORE this to feel calm . . then the Benzo nightmare where the anxiety was through the roof.  With all the calming and breathing and relaxation techniques I've taught myself this past year, it's no wonder that now that I'm healing I am SO much better than where I was pre-benzo in that regard. 

 

So, I have hope the mind will calm as well and the monkey brain will stop.  The clear/calm days will expand and become the new norm.

 

I'm SO sorry that nay of my past posts scared you; even if you could relate.  I know how that is when I read other people's posts.

 

I hope with all my heart that you continue to heal and have more and more hours/days/weeks/life of feeling really good.  It's coming!  One day it's just going to be that way all the time (except normal life of course). 

 

fakeit

[[se...]]

Ah.. thanks so much!  You too, FakeIt!  You sound good.  I have picked up a lot of skills from all of this and could always benefit from learning more. They help so much in the moments but the underlying doesn't seem to get better with anything other than time and taking the best care of myself I can.  I think I'll find a good therapist though to help process my experience better and address all the residual effects.  Actually, I'm still hiding out from the world but intend to get back out over the course of this year.  I'm working part-time and looking for a full-time return to my career job right now.

 

Yes wrt to feeling calm, I mostly just don't know what to do with it.  I'm a little uneasy about it.  I don't get freaked out by the doorbell now and there's no thought storm although my thoughts can wander at other times.  I have a little more capacity to think in some moments.  I just fought off a couple wasps (a big phobia since childhood) and I think I calmly went about my work.  Who knew this could happen again??  It's absolutely mind blowing that this happened and how long it's taken to get through it.  No one could understand what this is but others who've been through it.    I wish you the best on your continuing progress!

[[An...]]

I can really relate to this as I am 18 months out now and I feel almost there. I still have some fears, mainly of the anxiety I used to have coming back, you know stuff like that.  I worry that this is IT for me and I won't get any better.

 

The symptoms I used to have:

Anxiety ( Couldn't plan to go to more than one place in a day-going to the store was a challenge)

Heart racing, palpitations

Insomnia at least 2x a week, sometimes more often

Chest pains

Heart burn

Right eye twitching constantly

Muscle spasms in the stomach

Tinnitus in right ear, also a feeling that my ear was full

Beating sound in ears

Internal vibrations, Tremors so bad it felt like my organs were shaking. Also had arms shaking, face twitching and fingers that had visible tremors

Brain zaps

Dizziness, light headed

Major food triggers were sugar, caffeine, chocolate, vitamins with sugar like gummy vitamins

 

Symptoms that still remain:

 

Insomnia about every 2 weeks now if that often

Tremors/vibrations - these are very light now but still happening. Most of the time I can even go to sleep while having them now.

Sensitivity to sugar and decaf coffee at times. I can now eat sugar free chocolate and most things if it has less than 7 grams of sugar. I have not tried rice yet. I can eat noodles now though.

 

So, most of my symptoms are gone. I still have slight anxiety at times but it is very rare now. I feel calm almost all the time which is weird in itself to be honest.  My memory has gotten much better as well. My mind is sharper. I have fun now, I laugh and joke around. I do enjoy my life. I can relax and read and play video games again. I can watch all TV shows now. If my internal tremors would stop completely I would be healed.

 

I hope this gives others encouragement. This stuff does leave but it takes a lot of time and patience. I stopped taking supplements also about a year ago so I am not sure if it was just a coincidence or what but since then I have improved so much more. 

[[So...]]

I relate to everything you all have written so much. I am two years off today and I hoped to be healed by now and living that amazing life I read about in success stories about being fearless because you’ve beaten Benzo withdrawal but I’m not there yet. I was on a high dose and also on various other psych meds off an on for years so I feel like maybe my nervous system just has more healing to do. I have seen improvement every month especially since the new year which is super encouraging it’s just so unbelievably slow and every month when I get my period it feels like I go backwards for a week which is horrible.

 

I am able to live more normally now I guess but it’s hard and not easy and not super enjoyable, I still feel trapped in my own head so to speak, traumatized by this entire hellish process. I have to keep believing though that will go away in time because it has for everybody else you know? Just keep going and never give up I keep telling myself this has to end at some point. I just want to feel strong enough to have kids, I’m 26 but feel like I’ve lost my youth in this process

[[Fa...]]

What I'm discovering is the core of what I believe healing requires:  calm and peace.

 

So many people here, when I was in the thick of it, kept telling me to practice "acceptance" and "surrender".  And I just didn't have a CLUE what they were talking about because my symptoms were SO bad!

 

Now that some healing has happened, I get it.

 

Our CNS is SO damaged . . . and it can't heal if we are fighting against it the entire time and "panicking" over our symptoms.  We have to learn to let go and literally learn how to calm our nerves in every moment of the day that we can.

 

It's like a crying baby.  You can't scream at it to shut up and go to bed.  You have to whisper to it, pat it's back, rub it's head, etc. 

 

The more gentle we are with ourselves, I personally believe the faster we will get through the rest of our journey.  I don't think this was as possible for the first year because our symptoms were so horrific. 

 

The deep breaths that I take now feel so . . . cleansing??  I think that's the best word to describe them.  When I take a big deep breath/sigh I almost feel it in my soul now.  It's so refreshing and exhale just imagining all the 'bad' leaving.

 

Hugs to you all.  We've got this. 

 

Fakeit

[[Gw...]]

Some familiar names in this thread...I, too, can relate to being in the tail end but still healing. I feel that I am no longer suffering from physical withdrawal for the most part, but mentally and emotionally I have a lot of healing left to do after a decade of Valium use. I find that the more I recover, the more I realize and appreciate the extent of cognitive damage that I suffered.

 

I am certainly improving week to week, month to month. Symptoms are less severe, and waves pass more quickly. I know that "monkey brain" of looping worry about worrying, and the fear that this is my new normal. I am incredibly hard on myself for all the things I'm not able to do, like keep up with errands, housework, etc. I feel like I'm banging my head against an invisible wall.

 

Acceptance is so crucial to healing. I wish I was doing a better job of it lately. It will continue to get better.

 

Gwinna

[[Fa...]]

Ugh.

Battling with this yet again today.  I wake up and tell myself "THATS IT, LIFE IS NORMAL AGAIN".  Then I start walking around the house trying to do chores and I just feel . . . OFF.  I get a text from my daughter asking if her earbud case is on the table . . . nope, so I put on my sneakers and walk down to the entrance to our subdivision to see if she dropped it.  While I'm walking my brain is just RUNNING.  I feel weird.  When I get to the bus stop all the memories of years gone by - when she was young and I would walk her to the bus stop and stuff . . . it all just comes flooding back.

 

WHEN WILL MY BRAIN CALM DOWN? 

 

How do I calm it down??

 

I just want to feel normal again.

 

How do I get past this??

 

Ugh.

 

 

[Guest [NM...]]

I am hoping that those who are healed, or those who feel they are getting close to the end of their journey will jump into this thread and provide encouragement.

 

When I look back at my journey I know I've come SO far.  Gone are the days/nights of absolute TERROR.

Gone is the fear of being home alone (although I'm still not a HUGE fan - I can manage)

Gone is the DP/DR; that thick fuzzy brain fog that I couldn't connect to anything through.

Gone are the nights with zero or only an hour or two of sleep (I'm now getting 4 or 5 - maybe more on good nights)

Gone are those horrendous mornings of cortisol surges and waking up shaking and sweating.

Gone is the depression.

Gone is most of the anxiety.  I can feel very calm at times.

I truly thought when those symptoms went away I would consider myself healed.

 

BUT, I can't claim healing yet.

I still have:

 

Inability to watch tv shows I used to watch (cop shows, crime shows, etc.)

Don't like social media

Brain racing with thoughts about everything from marriage to retirement to kids, etc.

Worrying that I'm healed and my thought processes are now my new "normal"

Not being able to stop thinking about it.  I call it "monkey brain"

My memories feel different, if that makes sense.  When I think back about a memory (especially something during withdrawal) I just feel weird.

Tinnitus (but not too severe)

Anger - irrational response to stresses (arguments, etc.) - NOTHING violent - just anger.

Slight paranoid thoughts - nothing severe, but worrisome - like I was at the movies yesterday and the electricity went out - my brain raced to "is there a shooter in the building?"  But I can talk myself out of it pretty fast.

 

Can anybody else relate to feeling like you "should" be healed - that you're SO close - yet you still have this fear that you're not back to your normal self and things just aren't right??

 

Is this how it feels towards the end of the journey?

 

I know most people here are struggling bad.  And I think most people when they get to the point where I am they make the decision to leave here and try to push past the last of it without thinking about it so much.  I think it's one of the reasons there aren't as many success stories vs. how many people post here and just disappear.  I'm ready to do it myself (although I am committed to coming back eventually when I know for certain I AM healed - because success stories are SO encouraging to me).

 

Thing is, I know I've posted about this before - in a similar fashion - months ago.  And when I look back I've had healing SINCE then . . . so I try to tell myself just keep hanging on . . . it WILL just keep getting better.

 

But I just can't seem to get to that "LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER" point.  Yeah, I feel better, but it still feels SO hard to get through every day.

It's not that "groundhog day" feeling that I used to have - even that's gone away.  But I don't wake up feeling like "life is fantastic because I survived Benzo Withdrawal" that I read about in SO many success stories.

 

Does that make sense?  I don't even know if I'm explaining myself well. LOL

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to validate that this is how they felt say 3 or so months prior to considering themselves healed.  I'm not trying to put a timeframe on my healing... but based on previous healing and all, I'm hoping by the end of summer I'll be writing that success story.

 

For those in the thick of it reading this, know it DOES get better!!  Those horrible horrible symptoms do go away.  I remember opening the refrigerator and thinking the world would end because I had one stick of butter left!  I remember a simple breeze outside my window would throw me into a panic.  Hearing a siren would make me want to crawl under my bed.  Walking the dog at night?  NOT A CHANCE! 

 

All that goes away.  It took what seemed like forever (about a year) - but it gets better!!

 

Thanks to anyone who replies with their experience/advice to let me know how long this "tail end" might decide to last.

 

Fakeit

 

I relate to this 100%. I’m nearly done with my taper, too. I know that SO MUCH healing has happened while quitting this drug, and more is to come. It’s sometimes very hard to see how far we truly have come when we’re still dealing with a lot of fear. But we’re still healing and things will continue to get better, even while we’re living life with its life problems sometimes! Fear is the biggest challenge here. For me it’s been fear of things which actually warrant no fear at all. If that makes sense.

[[Fa...]]

I am hoping that those who are healed, or those who feel they are getting close to the end of their journey will jump into this thread and provide encouragement.

 

When I look back at my journey I know I've come SO far.  Gone are the days/nights of absolute TERROR.

Gone is the fear of being home alone (although I'm still not a HUGE fan - I can manage)

Gone is the DP/DR; that thick fuzzy brain fog that I couldn't connect to anything through.

Gone are the nights with zero or only an hour or two of sleep (I'm now getting 4 or 5 - maybe more on good nights)

Gone are those horrendous mornings of cortisol surges and waking up shaking and sweating.

Gone is the depression.

Gone is most of the anxiety.  I can feel very calm at times.

I truly thought when those symptoms went away I would consider myself healed.

 

BUT, I can't claim healing yet.

I still have:

 

Inability to watch tv shows I used to watch (cop shows, crime shows, etc.)

Don't like social media

Brain racing with thoughts about everything from marriage to retirement to kids, etc.

Worrying that I'm healed and my thought processes are now my new "normal"

Not being able to stop thinking about it.  I call it "monkey brain"

My memories feel different, if that makes sense.  When I think back about a memory (especially something during withdrawal) I just feel weird.

Tinnitus (but not too severe)

Anger - irrational response to stresses (arguments, etc.) - NOTHING violent - just anger.

Slight paranoid thoughts - nothing severe, but worrisome - like I was at the movies yesterday and the electricity went out - my brain raced to "is there a shooter in the building?"  But I can talk myself out of it pretty fast.

 

Can anybody else relate to feeling like you "should" be healed - that you're SO close - yet you still have this fear that you're not back to your normal self and things just aren't right??

 

Is this how it feels towards the end of the journey?

 

I know most people here are struggling bad.  And I think most people when they get to the point where I am they make the decision to leave here and try to push past the last of it without thinking about it so much.  I think it's one of the reasons there aren't as many success stories vs. how many people post here and just disappear.  I'm ready to do it myself (although I am committed to coming back eventually when I know for certain I AM healed - because success stories are SO encouraging to me).

 

Thing is, I know I've posted about this before - in a similar fashion - months ago.  And when I look back I've had healing SINCE then . . . so I try to tell myself just keep hanging on . . . it WILL just keep getting better.

 

But I just can't seem to get to that "LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER" point.  Yeah, I feel better, but it still feels SO hard to get through every day.

It's not that "groundhog day" feeling that I used to have - even that's gone away.  But I don't wake up feeling like "life is fantastic because I survived Benzo Withdrawal" that I read about in SO many success stories.

 

Does that make sense?  I don't even know if I'm explaining myself well. LOL

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to validate that this is how they felt say 3 or so months prior to considering themselves healed.  I'm not trying to put a timeframe on my healing... but based on previous healing and all, I'm hoping by the end of summer I'll be writing that success story.

 

For those in the thick of it reading this, know it DOES get better!!  Those horrible horrible symptoms do go away.  I remember opening the refrigerator and thinking the world would end because I had one stick of butter left!  I remember a simple breeze outside my window would throw me into a panic.  Hearing a siren would make me want to crawl under my bed.  Walking the dog at night?  NOT A CHANCE! 

 

All that goes away.  It took what seemed like forever (about a year) - but it gets better!!

 

Thanks to anyone who replies with their experience/advice to let me know how long this "tail end" might decide to last.

 

Fakeit

 

I relate to this 100%. I’m nearly done with my taper, too. I know that SO MUCH healing has happened while quitting this drug, and more is o come. It’s sometimes very hard to see how far we truly have come when we’re still dealing with a lot of fear. But we’re still healing and things will continue to get better, even while we’re living life with its life problems sometimes! Fear is the biggest challenge here. For me it’s been fear of things which actually warrant no fear at all. If that makes sense.

 

Yes, that makes sense.  I remember in Acute I would open the refrigerator door and be scared that I only had one stick of butter.

I would fear EVERYTHING.

For me, that's gone away tremendously.

 

Now it is the obsessive thinking.  I think I'm going to take a break from this site again as well; try to distract myself with real world things and not even discuss this anymore for a few weeks and see how much it helps.  I have nobody in my "real world" to talk about it with anyway except one Sister who believes what I'm going through.  Everyone else is supportive . . . they just don't think it should be "bothering" me this far out.

 

I need to go back to my FakeittilImakeit persona and just dive back into life for a while.

 

I want to put this behind me so badly.

 

 

[Guest [NM...]]

I am hoping that those who are healed, or those who feel they are getting close to the end of their journey will jump into this thread and provide encouragement.

 

When I look back at my journey I know I've come SO far.  Gone are the days/nights of absolute TERROR.

Gone is the fear of being home alone (although I'm still not a HUGE fan - I can manage)

Gone is the DP/DR; that thick fuzzy brain fog that I couldn't connect to anything through.

Gone are the nights with zero or only an hour or two of sleep (I'm now getting 4 or 5 - maybe more on good nights)

Gone are those horrendous mornings of cortisol surges and waking up shaking and sweating.

Gone is the depression.

Gone is most of the anxiety.  I can feel very calm at times.

I truly thought when those symptoms went away I would consider myself healed.

 

BUT, I can't claim healing yet.

I still have:

 

Inability to watch tv shows I used to watch (cop shows, crime shows, etc.)

Don't like social media

Brain racing with thoughts about everything from marriage to retirement to kids, etc.

Worrying that I'm healed and my thought processes are now my new "normal"

Not being able to stop thinking about it.  I call it "monkey brain"

My memories feel different, if that makes sense.  When I think back about a memory (especially something during withdrawal) I just feel weird.

Tinnitus (but not too severe)

Anger - irrational response to stresses (arguments, etc.) - NOTHING violent - just anger.

Slight paranoid thoughts - nothing severe, but worrisome - like I was at the movies yesterday and the electricity went out - my brain raced to "is there a shooter in the building?"  But I can talk myself out of it pretty fast.

 

Can anybody else relate to feeling like you "should" be healed - that you're SO close - yet you still have this fear that you're not back to your normal self and things just aren't right??

 

Is this how it feels towards the end of the journey?

 

I know most people here are struggling bad.  And I think most people when they get to the point where I am they make the decision to leave here and try to push past the last of it without thinking about it so much.  I think it's one of the reasons there aren't as many success stories vs. how many people post here and just disappear.  I'm ready to do it myself (although I am committed to coming back eventually when I know for certain I AM healed - because success stories are SO encouraging to me).

 

Thing is, I know I've posted about this before - in a similar fashion - months ago.  And when I look back I've had healing SINCE then . . . so I try to tell myself just keep hanging on . . . it WILL just keep getting better.

 

But I just can't seem to get to that "LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER" point.  Yeah, I feel better, but it still feels SO hard to get through every day.

It's not that "groundhog day" feeling that I used to have - even that's gone away.  But I don't wake up feeling like "life is fantastic because I survived Benzo Withdrawal" that I read about in SO many success stories.

 

Does that make sense?  I don't even know if I'm explaining myself well. LOL

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to validate that this is how they felt say 3 or so months prior to considering themselves healed.  I'm not trying to put a timeframe on my healing... but based on previous healing and all, I'm hoping by the end of summer I'll be writing that success story.

 

For those in the thick of it reading this, know it DOES get better!!  Those horrible horrible symptoms do go away.  I remember opening the refrigerator and thinking the world would end because I had one stick of butter left!  I remember a simple breeze outside my window would throw me into a panic.  Hearing a siren would make me want to crawl under my bed.  Walking the dog at night?  NOT A CHANCE! 

 

All that goes away.  It took what seemed like forever (about a year) - but it gets better!!

 

Thanks to anyone who replies with their experience/advice to let me know how long this "tail end" might decide to last.

 

Fakeit

 

I relate to this 100%. I’m nearly done with my taper, too. I know that SO MUCH healing has happened while quitting this drug, and more is o come. It’s sometimes very hard to see how far we truly have come when we’re still dealing with a lot of fear. But we’re still healing and things will continue to get better, even while we’re living life with its life problems sometimes! Fear is the biggest challenge here. For me it’s been fear of things which actually warrant no fear at all. If that makes sense.

 

Yes, that makes sense.  I remember in Acute I would open the refrigerator door and be scared that I only had one stick of butter.

I would fear EVERYTHING.

For me, that's gone away tremendously.

 

Now it is the obsessive thinking.  I think I'm going to take a break from this site again as well; try to distract myself with real world things and not even discuss this anymore for a few weeks and see how much it helps.  I have nobody in my "real world" to talk about it with anyway except one Sister who believes what I'm going through.  Everyone else is supportive . . . they just don't think it should be "bothering" me this far out.

 

I need to go back to my FakeittilImakeit persona and just dive back into life for a while.

 

I want to put this behind me so badly.

 

Yes. I do know. All of this is such huge growth.  I still come here because people here do get it. I’ve isolated myself so much throughout this journey, and really I’ve done the isolation thing throughout the past six years particularly, dealing with some huge life trauma. This trauma also directly affected the two people in my life whom I depend on daily: my husband and my daughter. I’ve retreated here and into myself to try to keep from laying everything on them alone. I developed a nice case of agoraphobia for myself. Reintegration back into the world has been challenging and scary, but certainly not impossible. I pray that we all find our way and face our fears to realize that we’re actually afraid of an old boogie man. Fear of fear. 

 

[[se...]]

I'm full of a lot of fear as well as I start thinking about moving on.  I have difficult days and I come back here to look for someone or some post I can relate to.  I haven't really put a lot of distance between myself and this site but what I've done recently has helped a little.  It's just I end up back here.

 

I so relate to just wanting to put this behind me.  I feel like I have several new psychological minefields to deal with as I get back into things and it gets overwhelming often.

 

I hope we all continue to overcome.  We've made it this far and that's no small feat.

[Guest [NM...]]

I'm full of a lot of fear as well as I start thinking about moving on.  I have difficult days and I come back here to look for someone or some post I can relate to.  I haven't really put a lot of distance between myself and this site but what I've done recently has helped a little.  It's just I end up back here.

 

I so relate to just wanting to put this behind me.  I feel like I have several new psychological minefields to deal with as I get back into things and it gets overwhelming often.

 

I hope we all continue to overcome.  We've made it this far and that's no small feat.

 

100% yes!!!!