Difficult days

[[Li...]]

I've had a couple of really difficult days since my last taper from oxazepam (down to 26 mg from 30 mg). I cry constantly and worry that I'll never feel normal again. Desperately need some support! Don't know how I will get through this.

[[de...]]

It is truly awful Lilly, but be assured you will heal. 

 

I jumped 55 days ago, and though still symptomatic know now that I will get through this, and so will you.

 

It was so awful (that) when first I came here, I could not believe that my (supposedly) low dose Valium could screw with my body and mind the way that it has.  I came to know otherwise.

 

Slowly, I came to know that this really was withdrawal, and not me being either crazy or direly ill.  It was so confusing, but I learned as I pushed on. 

 

We've just got to keep pushing on Lilly. 

 

There is an end in sight Lilly, even though it may not seem this way right now. 

 

Dee

 

 

 

 

[[Ta...]]

Lilly,

I wish I could give you advice that works or give you a success story to hold onto. All I can do, however, is tell you that you are not alone. I have actually contemplated suicide recently for the first time in my whole life, probably because  my taper has gotten me so bad. But those thoughts are he benzos. They aren't us.. It's the darkest place imaginable. But I hold on because I know that I can beat this or at least I still have hope that it's possible. I have that hope for you as well. You can beat this. Every day we are 1 day closer. I will pray that you can hold onto whatever hope you have and that it will be enough to sustain you until the healing comes.

[[Li...]]

Thank you so much for encouraging me! What is complicated in my situation is that I'm also taking two different AD's, Effexor and Quetiapine. A little background info: 10 years ago I went through terrible 10 months of anxiety and depression, with doctors constantly trying new AD's resulting in every side effect and withdrawal effect thinkable. Finally I tried E and Q and quickly recovered on the dosage of E 225 mg and Q 300 mg. No benzos. I had 8 wonderful symoptomfree years and last spring, after consulting my doctor, I quit taking E. Q was down to 50 mg. In July I was under a lot of pressure at work, started to feel anxious and decided to go back on the lowest dose of E. From day one it felt like I was pushed off a cliff! Severe anxiety and depression and my doctor prescribed oxazepam to cope during the worst side effects. But it didn't get better and my dose af AD's was gradually increased to ridiciluos heights. I managed to taper my benzo from 4*15mg to 3*10 mg before Christmas. Then I stopped as my new doctor decided to focus on tapering my AD's. A couple of weeks ago I was down to the dose that removed my symptoms 9 years ago. I had a window for approx. 3 weeks and my doctor and I agreeed it was time to try to continue the taper from the benzo. First, I tapered from 30 mg to 28 mg. Had wd symptoms for 10 days and then a 4 day window. Tapered again to 26 mg (10-8- and the wd symptoms came back on day 3 and are only getting worse. Now on day 13.  I'm terrified that my AD's might not be working. Hoping that my symptoms are "only" caused by benzo wd and I will start to feel better soon. If this is the case I plan to pause my benzo tapering until I've been stable on my AD's for at least a month, even two. Does this make sense?