Dreams and nightmares

[[Mi...]]

What kind of dreams and nightmares do you have? Before benzos, I rarely dreamed. During withdrawal, I consistently had horrible dreams. The worst, almost every night, were: knives flying through the air at me, being chased by monsters, running through endless hallways with no end in sight. I would wake up sweating, heart pounding, terrified. I also had dreams of incredible loneliness: walking through crowded shopping malls or being at parties and no one was noticing me at all. It's like I would never have human contact again. Let me add that I was (and still am) highly ticked off at friends and family who deserted me during withdrawal, and made me feel terribly lonely and rejected.

 

I'm four months post-jump and the dreams have settled down to none or normal, though bad ones still occur. Last night I was running from cannibals and then had a dream when I was at a Christmas celebration at my old job and no one paid any attention to me.

 

So I wonder whether these dreams are typical of benzo withdrawal or are specific to me. What are your dreams like?

 

- MirandaJane

[[Fl...]]

Dreaming in general is probably a good sign. I had the worst dreams of my life early on in wd. I still have bad dreams from time to time but for the most part my dreams are normal now.

[[be...]]

I did not dream on my full dose. Now I do and many are vidid and scary. But it's REM sleep so like FG said in think it's a good sign. It's the time in between sleep that stinks.

[[ma...]]

I'm dreaming more and more as I cut the dose, or at least I remember my dreams better. Lately I'm having nightmares with my previous bosses They also pop into my mind while awake, I think I have some kind of PSTD because of that job.

 

 

[[be...]]

I get nasty dreams. Perhaps I did before but forgot them. I dream of mistakes I think I made in my career. I think benzodiazepines blew my career. I really hate this game.

[[Be...]]

My dreams are rarely good and when they're bad I wake up before the bad part starts.  Sometimes I have ok dreams about ex-bf's who want to date me again.  Those are nice, since the guys in the dreams were the nice guys I dated all those years ago.

[[Mi...]]

I also have dreams about the horrible bosses I had - and there were plenty of them. When I have good dreams, which happens rarely, I hate waking up to reality.

 

-MirandaJane

[[be...]]

I also have dreams about the horrible bosses I had - and there were plenty of them. When I have good dreams, which happens rarely, I hate waking up to reality.

 

-MirandaJane

 

:thumbsup:

[[Be...]]

I've had my share of tyrant bosses which led me to take the benzo's.  They abused me so badly everyday that I then had a seizure at work and had to quit.  Eff those tyrant bosses.  Never had too many nice ones.  Most of them are power-thirsty.  I had such a terrible experience at my last job that if I even think about it, I get very upset. 

[[be...]]

I had one of those and my pdoc said he might have caused me to have PTSD which led me to benzos myself. Funny how scum floats to the top. I called her Dragon Lady but she ain't no lady!

[[Mi...]]

I also used to wonder why scum floats to the top. Then I finally figured out that they lie, suck up to their boss, take credit for others' work, and blame others for failure. I was too honest and naive to do the same thing. I hope they rot in hell.

 

MirandaJane

[[Be...]]

Scum that floats to the top?  Many of them who scratch their way to the top like to fight and get a rush from it and they like to lord over others and play god.  They have no conscience or compassion or empathy for other people.  They aren't human.  They think they're god and are narcissists.  The one red-headed lady boss who finally did me in used to laugh and snort when she'd get off the phone after berating someone, like she got off on it.  I could hear her doing that while I sat in my cube a few down from hers and it used to alarm me, so I quit talking to her.  Knew I didn't like her.  It's bad when you quit talking to the boss because then they really come after you.  The one thing though is that all the men who were under her disliked her and would laugh and talk about her behind her back.  How could she not know?  She abused her husband and he nearly drank himself to death.  It's hard to even write about her since she scared me so badly and ruined me.  She'll pay for it, though.  I don't want to have anymore nightmares about her ever again.     

[[be...]]

I also used to wonder why scum floats to the top. Then I finally figured out that they lie, suck up to their boss, take credit for others' work, and blame others for failure. I was too honest and naive to do the same thing. I hope they rot in hell.

 

MirandaJane

 

That's exactly right. It was too bad I had to quit my job but a huge relief not to deal with her. She even made it further after many left that place. Her old bosses still think she was great. Me I could not even stand looking at her face. I see she has many friends on FB but none of the sources in the industry could stand her. I take a relief from that as they really knock her down in messages to me there. I never knew that before. I wonder if she'll ever know?

[[Be...]]

The red-headed boss who was five levels higher than me, sent me an "urgent" email and chewed me out and talked to me like a little kid just because I told a boss in another dept. to not verbally abuse me.  I went up to her cube and confronted her about the email and then we got into a shouting match.  I was so pissed to be so humiliated.  I didn't even do anything wrong.  I went back into my lab and said to myself, "I'm fucked."  You don't do that to the unit manager.  Even the guys in there who all hate her would never talk back to her.  She's too powerful.  She can make anyone in that lab do anything she wants and make your life a living hell.  I went right back to her cube with my tail between my legs and apologized to her, when she should have apologized to me.  She said someone told her I was talking about her behind her back.  I said, " Who said that and what did I say?" She had no answer.  Then I said, "I'm sick of you yelling at me all the time when I didn't do anything wrong."  She'd get mad just because I'd interrupt her at her work to ask her a question, but it's her job to answer questions of ppl. under her.  She did apologize to me then, but the damage had been done.  I was really terrified to go to work then.  Shortly thereafter I had my seizure at work and left and could never go back.  I was in tolerance w/d and then the stress of being abused by all those bosses and coworkers in there did me in.  She's responsible for my seizure brain-damage, IMO.  If she wouldn't have turned on me, I wouldn't have had so much stress on me.  She used to protect me from my bipolar abusive boss and then I knew that would come to an end and he would be after me again.  My working life has been nothing but hell.  At least I know that guys really dislike her because my one male friend knows her and would make fun of her with the other guys.  I don't think she would even care.  She's too caught up in their own god-like mind.  I had another female boss who was the same way.  Bossy, power-driven and didn't care that men working under her disliked her.   

[[be...]]

I found it easier to work with male bosses than females myself

[[Be...]]

I agree, Bets.  Nearly every female boss I ever had has been abusive, although I've had my share of tyrant male bosses too.  Many bosses want authority over others because they're power-trippers and enjoy subjugating others.  I believe hierarchies are inherently evil.  No one should ever have power over others. 

[[ma...]]

I believe hierarchies are inherently evil.  No one should ever have power over others.

 

Exactly what I think Power is bad for all involved. Subordinates and bosses, all lose their freedom.

[[Be...]]

I've had some horrific nightmares from Ambien, Trazodone and Remeron. What a trifecta! Terrible and evil some of them. Also dreams about horrible co-workers from my last job. I'm used to them at this point. The only good thing about these dreams is that about once a week I dream of my border collie that passed in June. I have one about once a week and they are happy dreams. The last one she ran over to me like when she was younger and I got to pet her as she wagged her tail. I remember them when I wake up which is nice.

 

Becky 

[[Mi...]]

Becky, I'm sorry you lost your collie. We lost our Golden Retriever last year. Now my kitty keeps me company. He lies on my chest and purrs, and petting him is sometimes the most soothing thing in my life. He's a better friend than all the nitwits who abandoned me when I got into benzo withdrawal. My cat, husband, and Benzo Buddies are getting me through this.

 

MirandaJane

[[vi...]]

I dream about my current situation and never healing which is horrific enough already.

 

Prior to Benzos, I mostly dreamt magical stuff.

[[Be...]]

I have bad dreams everynight where I'm being overwhelmed by a certain circumstance or lose my car and can't find it, or some person is overwhelming me.  I feel that way in my real life.  I always feel overwhelmed and afraid.