Benzos helped / destroyed me

[[ro...]]

I'm starting to think maybe I do need benzodiazepines to help me thorough life? I've done everything backwards, I'm going through a divorce,lost my job and living with my mother. Surely now more than ever i need to be medicated to help me through this? I took benzos when life was good and I was doing well. I'm a shell of a man now, I walk around thinking who am I? I've completely lost my identity, I can't socialise because my panic and social anxiety is through the Roof. Time doesn't seem to be the healer with me, it's getting worse each day. I'm so lost it's unreal.

[[Lo...]]

I am right there with you .. such a tough choice 😞

[[Ho...]]

You ARE healing. You have come this far...reinstating will just throw u back. Your brain is healing every minute of the day. Accept that you are non functional right now because soon enough you will see the light of true health.

[[vi...]]

Accept your current situation and allow yourself to heal. Going back is an option if you want to live less of a great life!

 

I'm struggling at the moment, too many symptoms to list. I cannot work, I've lost my home and vehicles. Everything is in shambles but I know I will get better and get back all I lost and more.

 

I pray you find the strength to make it through your days!

[[Ca...]]

Hi, rollercoaster1 --

 

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time.  You are about five months from your c/t.  Symptoms can be fierce after a c/t.  I went through that.  They will subside.  I also thought about reinstating quite a bit.  I was afraid that things would get worse, though, and then I would probably want to taper off and have to go through this all over again.  Once is enough for me!

 

Hang in there.  Everything looks very gloomy right now but you will recover the things you have lost.  And most importantly, you will recover your health.  Just stay the path.  We are here for you!

 

Carol

[[gi...]]

Don't reinstate, you can make it, your healing has only just begun.  Sorry you're going through all this suffering, but it will get better.

[[Su...]]

Hi rollercoaster, I totally understand why you would want to re-instate, it has crossed my mind on really bad days. I've just thought all of this pain would disappear and I would feel fine if I just took one little pill. But it's not worth it. You can't stay on benzos forever, you will eventually go into tolerance withdrawal and feel sick even without reducing your dose. So if you re-instate you'll have to go through this hell all over again. Not only that you could kindle, which would mean your next withdrawal would be considerably worse than this one. Do you really want to take something again that has hurt you and effected your life so badly?

Try anything but benzos to feel better, exercise, meditation, supplements, therapy, if you really think you need medication, maybe antidepressants, just not the benzos, those pills ruin lives.

I really hope you start to see some better days 

[[Tw...]]

So I'm in the same boat my man. A divorce, a loss of a career, moved back in with family, often question my decision in coming off benzos too. All I can say is I know that I need to be free from these drugs. They changed me over the years for the worst. They are not meant to be taken for extended periods of time and this is the outcome. Be brave and push right now. It may take forever but a life later on without these pills is soooo worth it.

[Guest [Ma...]]

Following a brutal cold turkey and left months with torturous symptoms with a physician husband clueless of the destructive nature of benzodiazepines, and many pharmaceuticals routinely prescribed, gaslighting to mitigate the medical communities culpability in this inhumane treatment lead me to reinstate in hopes of regaining my life. A veneer of health.

This was ultimately unsuccessful.

 

At first, reinstating provided some relief but required a dosage three times my originally prescribed dosage. Quality of life improved some but within a few months quickly “turned” as heightened physical symptoms of benzo withdrawal emerged. These symptoms have remained, and escalated, throughout this final attempt at tapering off.

 

For me, reinstating did not remove the symptoms of withdrawal. The CNS was disrupted and injured; the endocrine upheaval was not reversable while on a benzo.

 

As difficult as this is, I would encourage you to explore all other means of regaining your health, anything besides tethering to a physician’s prescription pad. Listening to my husband, along with his physician colleagues and friends, place blame of benzo withdrawal squarely in the laps of the patient’s re-emerging mental health issues as solely responsible for the “experience” of withdrawal confirms in my mind that our best chance at healing remains away from pysch meds and the woefully ignorant medical field largely brainwashed by big Pharma. The older generation of physicians were not taught about the danger of these drugs in medical school; the younger generation are learning and will be cautiously prescribing but will not yet have the tools to handle this iatrogenisis. The benzo crisis will follow on the heals of the Opiod crisis which at one time, too, had the blessings of the doctors as a safe, long term, agent.

 

As tough as this is, time is the only true healer.

[[...]]

Benzos and z drugs are seductive - initially they offer an anxiety free existence, and you think "why would I not take these?"  but after some months, or maybe even years, you start to be exposed to the dark side of these drugs - ie they create the very anxiety they started off relieving.  I experienced as a direct result of taking high doses of z drugs very severe agoraphobia, general anxiety and my social life started to reduce to nothing.  I was always a very outgoing person before ever taking them.  It is only now, after being a year off, that I am just starting, to get back to being the bold person I was before being introduced to them.

[[Ol...]]

I feel your pain. We all do. Stay strong, we are here for you!

[[ro...]]

Thanks buddies, your responses really do mean a lot to me. Strangely, today has been the best I've had in a long time.

I just have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other until I see the light that has been alluding me for so many years.

[[Wi...]]

I'm starting to think maybe I do need benzodiazepines to help me thorough life? I've done everything backwards, I'm going through a divorce,lost my job and living with my mother. Surely now more than ever i need to be medicated to help me through this? I took benzos when life was good and I was doing well. I'm a shell of a man now, I walk around thinking who am I? I've completely lost my identity, I can't socialise because my panic and social anxiety is through the Roof. Time doesn't seem to be the healer with me, it's getting worse each day. I'm so lost it's unreal.

 

Why did you kick benzos to begin with? Im sure it was because you experienced tolerance withdrawal just as most people do and the benzos stopped working. If you reinstate, tolerance wd will appear immediately and you will be worse off then you are now and all the time you have under your belt will be for naught. You have no choice but to continue this torture fest until it is over UNLESS you prefer to be in a worse state then you are now. This is guaranteed dude. Reinstatement is not an option. Its a last ditch resort to stop your current suffering that is guaranteed to backfire so please get reinstatement out of your mind. Time truly is the only healer my friend and by the time you read these posts you will have more time under your belt. Stay strong as possible and continue getting days behind you. It is truly your only sane option. Good luck buddy!

[[ro...]]

Hi windwalker, I kicked benzos because they turned me into a monster who did not care about anyone else's feelings. My poor ex wife and children have suffered greatly due to my actions on benzos. You're thoughts on tolerance are correct, my use sky rocketed.

 

How are you coping at the minute? I see in your sig that you were using quite high doses too?

[[...]]

I can totally relate to this. Who am I? I have short periods where I feel my old self come through, so I am just going to keep hanging in. You keep hanging on too. I know it’ll improve and we’ll remember what it feels like to be comfortable in our skin again.

[[Ma...]]

Just accept the situation and allow yourself time to heal. Benzos cause brain damage that may be irreversible if taken for extended periods of time. I'm not sure if they are even safe to take at all now. You are still young. Just think of it as a prison sentence. That's what I do. Take care of yourself. Make that your habit and keep working on it daily.

 

I know how you feel and then some. I have been heavily medicated these past several years on several tranquilizers and opiates and completely lost my mind. I painted the basement drywall with a lot of holes since I started tapering the benzos. I grappled with my father several times too. I'm just lucky he restrained himself and didn't beat my ass because he's a tough old goat. The benzos just made me attack my family members on several occasions. I even tazed my sister once. It was low on battery though. I thought I had a good reason for doing it at the time but I realize now I was just a savage.

 

I want to get as far away from this sad existence as possible. I'd be divorced too if I had a wife to divorce me.

[[gi...]]

You are still young, your whole life is ahead of you, screw the benzos!

[[al...]]

Just accept the situation and allow yourself time to heal. Benzos cause brain damage that may be irreversible if taken for extended periods of time. I'm not sure if they are even safe to take at all now. You are still young. Just think of it as a prison sentence. That's what I do. Take care of yourself. Make that your habit and keep working on it daily.

 

I know how you feel and then some. I have been heavily medicated these past several years on several tranquilizers and opiates and completely lost my mind. I painted the basement drywall with a lot of holes since I started tapering the benzos. I grappled with my father several times too. I'm just lucky he restrained himself and didn't beat my ass because he's a tough old goat. The benzos just made me attack my family members on several occasions. I even tazed my sister once. It was low on battery though. I thought I had a good reason for doing it at the time but I realize now I was just a savage.

 

I want to get as far away from this sad existence as possible. I'd be divorced too if I had a wife to divorce me.

 

I don't think that any damage by benzos is irreversible. There is no proof for that, but if people were taking benzos for many years or even decades, suffering and healing process can last way too long, so if you're getting off of them when you're 70 years old after using them for decades, you're probably screwed for the rest of your life, but there are still chances that you can recover during 1 or 2 years depending on your body chemistry related to those benzos.

[[Ca...]]

 

 

I don't think that any damage by benzos is irreversible. There is no proof for that, but if people were taking benzos for many years or even decades, suffering and healing process can last way too long, so if you're getting off of them when you're 70 years old after using them for decades, you're probably screwed for the rest of your life, but there are still chances that you can recover during 1 or 2 years depending on your body chemistry related to those benzos.

 

 

Just like there is no evidence that benzo damage is irreversible, there is no evidence that stopping benzos after many years of use causes a concomitant recovery period.  So, even most 70 year olds can and do recover within a normal time frame.  What causes protracted withdrawal past two years is still a mystery.

 

Carol

[[Ma...]]

I don't know if benzos or other psych meds cause permanent damage but Wikipedia has links to many studies suggesting that it might along with the increase risk of Alzheimer's disease if taken longer than 3 months. I have too much benzo withdrawal to properly research and disect the information though which just makes my fears worse. I don't even feel like adding numbers in my head because it gives me migraines. I have never experienced such toxic withdrawal. It even feels like it's damaging my brain. I wonder if I will ever get my intelligence back. Chronic pain and benzo withdrawal have shrunk my brain. I hope everyone recovers. It seems neuroleptics do the most damage, then benzos, SSRIs, and other tranquilizers. I look at people with withdrawal after 5 years and just think brain damage. Withdrawals should not last this long. It just seems like something else is going on. Unless it just takes an extremely long time for these receptor complexes to return to a functioning state. I honestly don't get it. I don't think anyone really does. I shouldn't assume the worst I guess.