No getting me back at 9 mos

[Guest [ha...]]

I feel so disturbed; my brain and behavior is nothing as it was before the meds. I don't know how to "accept" this or even to live in my skin like this...How do you hold on when it's so bad. I truly feel I've had a stroke or are demented...it's not going to end well for me...I fixate too on this being more the benzo w/d....thinking it's the thrush in my mouth as all I can taste are toxins...I worry about autoimmunity, thinking maybe I'm worse b/c of that....just no end to the suffering..

[[Hu...]]

Hay, I was where you are. Month 10 was so much better. I know it seems it will never end but it does It' s soooo slow but you will be back!

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you; I pray so...I'm at my end with this...

[[me...]]

I feel so disturbed; my brain and behavior is nothing as it was before the meds. I don't know how to "accept" this or even to live in my skin like this...How do you hold on when it's so bad. I truly feel I've had a stroke or are demented...it's not going to end well for me...I fixate too on this being more the benzo w/d....thinking it's the thrush in my mouth as all I can taste are toxins...I worry about autoimmunity, thinking maybe I'm worse b/c of that....just no end to the suffering..

 

I understand how you feel, and withdrawal can really make one feel that everything is out of control.  But, there IS and end to the suffering, and it will come in time. I can't tell you how many members I've seen who were suffering as badly or even worse than you are right now, with dreadful physical and mental symptoms, who have gone on to heal in the passage of time.  Some of them had multiple mental hospital stays, lost their jobs, their families, etc, and STILL went on to heal.  Remember, it takes many of us a year or more to heal.  Most of my healing came in my second year off. 

 

Here's a link to a member's success story.  She joined 5 years ago, and if you read some of her old posts you'll see she was an extreme case.  But today she's healed and doing very well:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=191499.0

 

 

I've said this before, and will say it again:

 

Live one day at a time, and distract yourself relentlessly.  Self distraction was what got me through my awful symptoms, and it was my number one job for a long time.  I did it no matter whether I wanted to or not, because I knew it helped.  Use whatever gets your mind off your symptoms, even for a little while.  You can do this.

 

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you megan...I appreciate the encouragement...It is so hard to see the end from here. All day every day I stare at the computer; I've given up everything in my life because I can't function at all...completely cared for by my elderly mother.

[[Be...]]

hardtocope, hope you feel better soon. 

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you Becks...you too...this is inhumane suffering :'(

[[Be...]]

Yes, it is, inhumane and torture.  No human being should have to suffer so much.  It's not fair.

[Guest [ha...]]

I agree...I've never known such pain...today is the worst; feel like giving in but where could I go with it-nowhere for help

[[Be...]]

hardtocope, what kind of pain do you have? 

[Guest [ha...]]

I mainly have neuropathy throughout body then the candida thrust hurts my mouth; have sores there...I've developed a rash even tonight. I really feel I'm in hell...being punished...it's so bad but I'd take the physical any day over the mental.

[[Be...]]

I wonder what the thrush is from?  I never had a yeast type infection from being on the pills or getting off. 

[Guest [ha...]]

I'm not sure; I've heard of some other people suffering this in w/d...I developed the thrush about four months off...suffering every since...it's pure hell...heard it was from immune system being low...I've never known hell before all of this...