Diazepam - making real progress

[[Ca...]]

Hi BBs - it's been a long while since I posted but I've been lurking here a lot.

 

I feel like I'm making real progress. After 3+ years of self-medicating (see history below) things finally came to a head about 7 weeks ago. I'd switched from etizolam to diazepam ages ago and took 10mg at night for months. Usually with a few glasses of wine. At the beginning of September this year, I started a new job in a psychiatric unit (I'm not a doctor and had no access to meds). The crap I'd been buying on the internet was unpredictable but I'd got down to about 2.5mg per night. Round about 11.00am each day the horror/fear/despair would arrive, regular as clockwork. To cut a long story short, I only lasted a couple of weeks in the job and have now gone back to being self-employed.

 

I reached real crisis point on Sep 15th and finally plucked up the courage to come clean with my GP. He knows me very well as I have suffered from C-PTSD (no need to go into the cause here) for years. He made me swear to throw out any stuff I'd bought illegally on the net (which I did) and I have been seeing him once a fortnight since then.

 

I went to him with a copy of the Ashton Manual in my hand and he agreed to help me. He also suggested another way of tapering off which had worked for others and, trusting him as I do, I agreed to try it. For the first two weeks I had 4mg of diazepam each night. No problems whatsoever. I then switched to 4mg one night and 3mg the next. I followed this 4,3,4,3,4 pattern for a couple of weeks and then switched to 3mg nightly, which I've been doing for over a week now - once again, no problems.

 

I intend to stay on 3mg for a couple of weeks and then go to 3, 2.5, 3, 2.5 etc for a few weeks. And so on, until I can finally stop taking it altogether

 

For the first time in years I have hope and feel I am making real progress. Trusting in my doctor, and my wonderful girlfriend, has made all the difference. I no longer feel alone in all this and my doctor says he's prepared to go at my pace and isn't trying to impose a timetable on me.

 

Love to all out there.

[[Na...]]

Good on you  hope this method continues to work well for you. whatever works to get off this stuff is a bonus. Some do not agree with this style/type of method. The theory is its kind of yo-yo'ing up down, which causes kindling. Not sure I even believe in kindling to be honest

[[Ca...]]

Thanks, Navita - and good to meet you.

 

I should add that I'd be more than happy to switch to the Ashton Manual method if my current approach stops working when I try my next cut.

 

Good luck to you, I've just seen your taper history and you're doing so well.

[[Ca...]]

Just read it again and can see you're actually helping your wife to become benzo free. I hope she's well and managing life okay, she's lucky to have you.

 

I've found my girlfriend's support invaluable. I first told her a few months ago, before I hit crisis point and her response was loving and supportive.

 

It's only now I can see the harm benzos have done to me over the past few years. Yes, I feel hopeful today but I'm still isolating a lot (she and I live 250 miles apart and only manage to meet up every other weekend) and I'm only averaging about 4-5 hrs sleep each night. I don't see my friends very often and only recently have I started doing some of the old things: going to the cinema, eating out etc.

[[Na...]]

Yes, I'm my wife's support and have right been  there all the way from the onset. I feel for the people who have nobody to stand behind them and try to understand this nasty drug and its negative effects over time. Some spouses run the other way............it's the fear factor of the unknown. Some are just looking for reason to run away.

[[Ca...]]

Still on 3mg nightly and things are manageable. That's 15 days on the same dose. My doc prescribes the 2mg pills so I'm going to cut, probably in a another week's time, to 2.75mg. I'm not going to yo-yo like I did with the 4, 3, 4, 3 although I did that without any problems. From reading here in BB I can see that once you get to the smaller doses it's probably better to cut by small amounts and stick to that.

 

I've been reading lots of threads. There are some truly wonderful people here and I feel a real sense of community. Life's been difficult for me for many years (C-PTSD from childhood sexual abuse) but I have known happiness and love so it hasn't all been unremittingly bad. I'm a musician (hobby) and that's always been my best friend through good times and bad. The work situation is a bit difficult at the moment as I'm self employed and the sector I work in has nose-dived. I'm applying for full time jobs but at my age, people think twice about taking you on. I might have to lower my aspirations a little but I don't have a problem with that - the dignity of labour etc!

 

Anyway, it's a glorious, sunny autumnal afternoon here in the South East of the UK and I wanted to check in here, report progress and send love to one and all.

[[St...]]

Well done Catweazel all seems to be going well for you.Happy belated birthday.Take it at your pace and hold if you need to.Again well done.

[[Ca...]]

Thanks, Stut.

 

I'm going to start my next cut tomorrow night, from 3.00 down to 2.75. I've been OK on 3.00mg for 18 days - well, not what any non-benzo user would call "OK" but you know what I mean! I'm depressed and apprehensive about leaving the house but I went to a small party last night and, though I was dreading it, I coped fine and it was good to see people.

 

A lot of my life has involved depression, anxiety, insomnia blah blah blah so it's hard to know when it's the benzo withdrawal or just the familiar negative feelings I've always had. I can definitely identify acute benzo withdrawal from when I dropped from 5.00mg to 2.5mg back in August - horrible, absolutely horrible: pounding headaches, complete disassociation, the feeling that all hope was absent from the world.

 

I also laugh at myself when I remember a couple of years ago when I was still on Etizolam and its short half life. I'd take 2.00mg (equivalent of 20mg diazepam) one night, then 1.00mg the next and I was bouncing off the walls. This forum has educated me so much about how different benzos work and how to taper. I have to listen to my mind and body - that's why I now feel ready to make the next cut to 2.75mg tomorrow.

 

Goodnight from the south coast of England, love to all.

[[Wo...]]

Hey Catweazle ~

Want to say Congratulations for trying.  That's the best we can do for ourselves right!!!

One step at a time, and one day I pray we will be free of the Benzo's.

I will be thinking of you and hope the next cut goes well to 2.75

 

I did a cut last night with Klonopin.  I went from .5 to .4 or 40%.  So far so good, and I've tried bigger cut's only to realize I'm listening to my BB on here.  Some valuable information that has helped me beyond words. 

 

The best to you

xoxo

[[Ca...]]

Hi BB

 

Just checking in. It's going well - I wouldn't say it's been easy but it's going well. As you can see below, I'm now down to 1.5mg diazepam daily (taken at night) and have been on that dosage for two weeks.

 

There are good days and bad days - the bad days are nothing like the ones last Summer when I was withdrawing way too rapidly, they were absolutely horrendous.

 

I would describe a bad day now as simply low mood and some difficulty getting to sleep.

 

I'm going to stay on this dose for another week or so and then drop to 1mg. My doctor has been superb since I first told the truth to him last September - wow, that's 4 months ago now. Coming clean to both him and my partner has made all the difference, they've both been very supportive. Not being so alone (apart from the symptoms obviously) and for it no longer being a secret means I can talk about it rather than suffer in silence.

 

Still some way to go but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't blow my own trumpet much but I am proud of the way I've stuck to a taper plan over the last 4 months, it's giving me a real sense of achievement.

 

Love to all of you and thanks for being there.

[[St...]]

hi Catweazle.love the name it takes me back to my childhood haha.Well done so good to see a positive message . keep up the good work.X a