Crazy Physical Fear and Anxiety

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I wake up and immediately find myself in a anxiety state. I get this is the toxic Morning phenomena but it then morphs into a fear with no reason or thought just straight up fear of everything. And it's a physical feeling I can't control. I can't put thoughts to the fear and anxiety to combat them. I've never been a fearful person prior to benzos.

 

Is this normal?  I'm 4.5 months out and I'm having a very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this is still happening.

 

I also have tinnitus which I've read and been told can cause a limbic system activation that totally bypasses the rational brain.

 

I'm so sick of this because rationally I get all this withdrawal stuff, and I know it will end but I can't control my body's reactions to it.

 

McS

[[2t...]]

Totally understand where you are coming from, I would have to jump out of bed on waking and do something to distract myself as the anxiety would just get worse and worse.

Tinnitus also caused me to be anxious and I found an ear bud with the sounds of crickets would mask the noise and sooth me, I still have tinnitus and when it is loud it causes me to be agitated rather than anxious now so I still use the ear bud with crickets, notice I said ear BUD as I found I only needed to use one even though my tinnitus is in both ears.

 

2trusting

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2trusting,

 

Does your tinnitus fluctuate at all?  Mine is low some days and crazy on others. The tone and pitch vary, ears switch, its never the same thing for long. Do different sound change it?  Sometimes I hear mine above the tv or radio sometimes not. I also have head pressure, ear pressure and pain, stuffiness, crackles and lots of weird distortions. My entire auditory system is off.

 

Are you afraid it will stay or do you think in time it will go. It seems to go for most, but it seems to take a while. I'm confident it will go but that doesn't matter if you are struggling to get to that point.

 

McS

[[2t...]]

My tinnitus changes day by day hour by hour from very soft hiss to a banshee scream, I do also get popping and other sounds.

Sleep seems to help.

If my tinnitus stays I just hope that it gets to a level that is unobtrusive and not fluctuating as a constant level would be easier to accept.

 

2trusting

[[2t...]]

My tinnitus changes day by day hour by hour from very soft hiss to a banshee scream, I do also get popping and other sounds.

Sleep seems to help.

If my tinnitus stays I just hope that it gets to a level that is unobtrusive and not fluctuating as a constant level would be easier to accept.

 

2trusting

[Guest [Lu...]]

man, mcs im right with you, im 4.5 months out.

3 months+, i had my best 3 weeks since all this hell started 2 years ago...

then right at 4 months, back into hell.

 

im in my mid 40's and ive played in metal bands for nearly 3 decades and i already had tinnitus cause i was a fool when i was younger with no ear protection.

 

my tinnitus is off the charts some days, its frighteningly loud. its all over the place though, and it seems with exertion itll crop up louder. somedays i wake up with it blaring, others its not so bad, theres not much rhyme or reason. it can just start to get loud in the middle of the day.

 

i also experience everything else you describe. granted, im in a mid life crisis as it is lol at 46, but ugh, the feelings of...fragility, are overwhelming. i think, how can i still be alive? i wonder how my heart can still just keep going. i fear ill get sick and succumb to it easily. its all just horribly morbid. i bargain with the universe, like, look, i know im starting to get older and nothings guaranteed, but pleeeeease can i survive for some more years?? haha. im a creative, deep person and boy does my mind go into some dark places with this.

 

ive never felt so mortal, or so worried for my body just going to crumble to the ground.

 

however, i take comfort in that *knocks on wood* both my parents are 74 and running around like the energizer bunny. theyre generally cheerful, bright eyed, my dad still works cause he enjoys it, and hell, theyre living like i should be. i take comfort that there is still plenty of life left, even in older folks.

[[...]]

Luke,

 

I get it. I have never felt fragile in my life. Nor have I ever had to ask ppl for help. I'm like a child some days and it is truly humbling. I don't feel like I'm going to die anymore but I did for quite a while both on and off. Now I know I'm going to survive. And I'm determined to thrive.

 

I get the deep dark places. My mind goes there often. It's hard not to. This is mind numbing stuff we are going through. So far beyond anything I ever imagined. I still can't wrap my mind around how this happened and the freaky weird stuff that has happened to me.

 

I'm in my later 40's so I get it. We aren't immortal anymore. But we'll make it Luke. We'll heal. We'll get through this and eventually be everything we were before we took these poison pills. The force is with us 

 

(Ha, how many times have ppl said that to you on here?)

 

Sleep well!

McS

[[Li...]]

man, mcs im right with you, im 4.5 months out.

3 months+, i had my best 3 weeks since all this hell started 2 years ago...

then right at 4 months, back into hell.

 

im in my mid 40's and ive played in metal bands for nearly 3 decades and i already had tinnitus cause i was a fool when i was younger with no ear protection.

 

my tinnitus is off the charts some days, its frighteningly loud. its all over the place though, and it seems with exertion itll crop up louder. somedays i wake up with it blaring, others its not so bad, theres not much rhyme or reason. it can just start to get loud in the middle of the day.

 

i also experience everything else you describe. granted, im in a mid life crisis as it is lol at 46, but ugh, the feelings of...fragility, are overwhelming. i think, how can i still be alive? i wonder how my heart can still just keep going. i fear ill get sick and succumb to it easily. its all just horribly morbid. i bargain with the universe, like, look, i know im starting to get older and nothings guaranteed, but pleeeeease can i survive for some more years?? haha. im a creative, deep person and boy does my mind go into some dark places with this.

 

ive never felt so mortal, or so worried for my body just going to crumble to the ground.

 

however, i take comfort in that *knocks on wood* both my parents are 74 and running around like the energizer bunny. theyre generally cheerful, bright eyed, my dad still works cause he enjoys it, and hell, theyre living like i should be. i take comfort that there is still plenty of life left, even in older folks.

 

I feel like your twin, man. First two months were hell and then when month 3 came around, I thought I was out. Still had some anxiety here and there, but was incredibly functional and actually felt decent. Honestly thought it was downhill from there, had 3-4 good weeks.. And then around the beginning of Month 4, got hit with a GIANT wave. I've been stuck in it for about a month now, I think my 5 month mark is tomorrow. Hopefully we will find some peace here quickly, my friend.

[[...]]

I guess that makes me your triplet sister because I was improving until I got rolled at the beginning of month 4 too. I'm just coming out of it about 10 days shy of my fifth month. I wish you all weren't suffering but it helps to know you aren't the only one.

 

I feel like we have a "class" here. The class of early summer 2017. Can't wait to get that diploma and get the heck out of here.

 

McS

[[Li...]]

Here, here McS. It is nice to hear that we are not alone. I'm still not out yet. The anxiety is really high pretty much all day and I have this severe fog and fatigue, which sucks. Just don't feel like myself. I think my biggest fear is that once I am out of this wave, I worry that another will come at some point down the road. And the further out I get from the actual jump off benzos, the more difficult it is for me to maintain that it is all withdrawal and not my own mental issues.

[[al...]]

People always ask here for every symptom 'is this normal'. No, it's not normal to be poisoned by destructive chemical. It can't be normal. Everything you feel is not normal until you feel normal.

I have physical fear coming in waves. Few days I'm better and after that fear and terrible night terrors return for no obvious reasons. I also feel like my brain is sucked in some surreal dark world, so everything around me feels different and scary. Almost 4 months off and tired of all this crap.

[[...]]

Live, I know it's not my mental issues. This is so far above anything ivevever felt in my life. That's probably part of the whole fear thing. It's something our brains don't recognize. I wake up in such a state, shaking, restless, pounding heart, arms and legs feeling burny and tingling. That's not me. This stuff is not you either. We'll get through and it will go but we have to keep going no matter how hard.

 

Alokin, so true. We are poisoned. I keep telling that to my family. Although sometimes I think I could have downed a gallon of antifreeze and be in better shape at this point. I know what my normal is and it never included fear, anxiety, insomnia, twitching, bad mornings (I loved mornings, I used to jump out of bed excited for the day) or tinnitus. None of that. Ever.

 

It's all a question of time. That's what everyone says. Time heals. I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up next year.

[Guest [Lu...]]

Live and mcs, we're kindred spirits i suppose haha.

 

thanks for the understanding and encouraging words mcs, ive had surprisingly few "force be with you" comments lol. but sounds like youve been on a similar journey in some respects.

 

interesting that you both got hammered right at 4 month mark, too. what was crazy, i got hit literally in a second. i was at work, doing my thing, riding in my first actual "window" i suppose since this whole nightmare began almost 2 years ago, and ugh, i got one of those strong sorta panic attack feelings that has all the symptoms. i literally went from not toooo bad to back into hell in a moment. ive yet to crawl out of it, and that was nearly 4 weeks ago (actually im a bit better last couple days, hopefully pulling out)

 

its been almost 2 years since i went into tolerance. ive noticed my stamina for enduring the worst of it is just at an all time low. im freakin exhausted. soooo many horrible days that i could never in a million years describe to people. unreal to go through all this for so long with basically 0 understanding from friends, drs, and anyone in my life (with the exception of my mom whose been an angel)

[[il...]]

I have this too.

This is a nightmare. My OCD Is very bad!

[[Li...]]

I have this too.

This is a nightmare. My OCD Is very bad!

 

Mine is, too. Just all of a sudden became hyperfocused on my breathing and can't seem to stop controlling each breath. It's been really difficult to sleep or distract against. Still trying to figure out if it's all withdrawal or my own anxiety latching on.

 

Either way, I'm totally frustrated, anxious and unable to relax. Working on finding acceptance, but it's proving difficult.

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I'm actually pulling out of it a bit too Luke. I've a a couple of days where things aren't as bad. A few mornings that aren't as toxic.

 

I just wish somehow I could get a break. Something that would give a little so I could feel like I'm healing a little. Maybe a break in the tinnitus for a bit, or the anxiety. Rationally I know that eventually this will end and we will all heal but sometimes my monster brain takes over and rational thought means nothing.

 

My mom has been my angel too. But, I feel like I'm putting a huge stress on her and she's in her 70's and has her own issues. A 48 year old needy childlike daughter is not what she needs. I need to be taking care of her. And my guilt is horrible.

 

I'm exhausted too. How could we not be. I'm exhausted and I sleep at night. Not great, but enough.

 

Live, try doing deep belly breaths when you are hyper focused on your breathing. Maybe it will help calm you down. It's withdrawal, especially if you didn't do that before. It will go. I was hyper focused on swallowing for a long time while on benzos. It went away.

 

This is so hard.

 

Hang tough. We'll get through this together.

 

McS

[[il...]]

 

My main problem is the unreal fears that have come up. I've always had OCD, but now it looks like it has gained another level. I feel like I'm never going to get out of this. 2 months out of lyrica.

[[Li...]]

I agree with the OCD being insane right now.. I've dealt with some Pure O stuff before, but never this bad.. I find myself cycling between controlling/not being able to stop thinking about my breathing/blinking/swallowing. I feel like I belong in a mental institution and feel very afraid that I am stuck this way.