1 year off and Al-Anon

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Today marks the one year mark off benzos and it's been around 5 months or so off of SSRI.  This after close to 20 years after being on psych "cocktails" that included an SSRI, BZD and mood stabilizer.  What a year. This time period also overlaps the second year of early retirement.  I think it's best summed up with "bring it all on" as the physical and psychological adjustments have been huge and it's often impossible to know what is causing the bodily responses. Let's add menopause to the mix just to make things interesting as well...  Anyway, I've found regular attendance at Al-Anon meetings to be hugely beneficial.  My background does not involve an alcoholic but my codependent/enabling behaviors--> stress and anxiety --> psych meds and the struggles shared by so many on this site.  Learning life skills about how to detach from the craziness around you and focus on the ONLY thing over which you have control (onesself) has been helpful beyond belief.  Most of the physical sx of w/d are gone or at such a low intensity that they hardly deserve mention.  The psychological issues are challenging, ie DP/DR and ultrasensitivity to different stimuli.  Yesterday I participated in a Rosie the Riveter event where 3,755 women and children dressed up as the WWII Rosie and beat the previous world record!  Being around so many people, feeling dehydrated and hearing so much noise was not exactly a great idea for this healing nervous system. However, I didn't panic/run out/die and felt proud to have persisted and been part of this event.  (The next few days will be spent in quieter activities though..).  While Al-Anon has been an excellent resource it's still not the same as having an outlet for talking with others who have or or going through benzo w/d. Sleep issues remain but have been longstanding and I suspect will be the last thing to resolve. I continue to take low doses of neurontin and lamotrigine at night but have needed melatonin in addition. Although my gut tells me the sleep issues are from the benzo w/d - and since we've met our insurance deductible for the year - I'm finally going to see a sleep medicine doctor and see if there could be anything else going on.  There is a fair amount of weepiness going on but nothing worrisome along the line of hopelessness, suicidal feelings etc.  The wonderful writings of pianogirl comparing our recovery journey to that of a person aftger a TBI have been immensely comforting.  Right now the frontal lobe, with its executive functioning role, must be trimming and pruning neurons. It's not craziness or early dementia, rather healing.  In the midst of everything I also got remarried! There was (mercifully) about a 36 hour window and the actual wedding day was full of love and fun.  It also provided a glimpse into what we all hope will be our lives after the healing is done.  Be encouraged all as it is a glorious view.  Thanks for "listening" to my early morning stream-of-consciousness musings.