Can this all be happening from w/d?

[[bl...]]

I am almost 3 months off. You can see by my history that I was not taking very much this past year - down to 1mg valium every 3 days and then tapered to .5. I had a hard time with figuring out the taper because I was taking dose every 3 days - honestly not much advice or support here from the boards. But it does help me to read what others are going through after w/d because some of it sounds familiar.

 

My body feels like it is totally rebelling and I am wondering if it is all or part a result of benzo w/d. For the past 6 months I have had a weird dulling taste in roof of mouth in the back and tongue. Now that is getting much worse- everything tastes like I burned my mouth on hot tea when I did not. Also trouble swallowing. Went to ENT and he wants me to do a radioactive swallowing test. Stomach hurts after I eat and having sharp pains in descending colon as well and frequent burning all up and down that area. Intermittent hip pain that just stops me in my tracks - thought it was just left leg but now right started up to. Out of the blue then gone just as quick. I have suffered from chronic pain for the past 3 years - sit bone pain - and despite several injections that is still with me. Honestly if it were just that - I could get through it - but all of this other stuff at once feels like a war.

 

Perhaps the worst of it is the panic I feel when I start to experience a new symptom. I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac but it is epic right now. I am quickly convinced I have something horrible that is going to disable me forever. And that thought just holds on to me and plays like a loop in my head. Constant thoughts of catastrophe - every moment - can picture the horrible thing happening to me or one of my kids. All these thoughts are just beating me up emotionally and leaving me in a constant state of anxiety.

 

And the rage. I just read another post about the rage. It is so scary and out of control. When it hits I just can't control it.

 

So folks does any of this sound familiar? Is this just what it will be for awhile? I am in the middle of quite a few stressors - so I can see how that might make my stomach hurt etc - but I just have to ask if any of these symptoms are familiar to others in the first few months of no benzos. I am really trying to keep it together for my family but this is much harder than I imagined.

[[Re...]]

All you have listed here is common and I have experienced them too. You're not alone. Three months is still very early, post benzos. No one can predict how long it will take for you specifically to heal but what you are experiencing is normal. You have my utmost respect for being a parent and going through this hell at the same time. Strength and healing to you.

[[Ch...]]

Benzo withdrawal is hell and I've seen mention of most of the symptoms you've listed. I've had all manner of horrible random symptoms, myself, for the last two years (they come and go) and I have gone to the doctor for them on occasion. They always turn out to be withdrawal symptoms. I've felt like I was going to die a few times, but I obviously haven't. I know it will get better; it's just a matter of time.

I'd add that stressors during benzo withdrawal can have far more impact on symptoms than normal. Anything you can do to keep things calm and simplified will be doing yourself a favor. Best of luck.

[[bl...]]

Thank you both for your reply and encouragement. I have been so depressed and stressed out and feel like my body is just betraying me....and I don't have the energy to fight for anything right now...it feels hopeless like it is all just going to fall apart and I can't do anything about it.

 

Without giving it much thought I stopped the small dosage I was on just as we bought a new house - really thought most of the w/d work was behind me because my dose was so low (.5mg every 3 days). I have been renovating the house for the past 3 months. Now I must prepare for a move - from the only house my teenagers have known - in 10 days and then get our old house rented out while setting up the new house. My husband is really supportive but his work is very busy right now and I am doing almost all of this solo. Trying to be there for my kids as well, make dinner, shop all of that.

 

I just can't relax at all. I have been working with a mindfullness/meditation group but it is just so hard to turn off the brain in any way. I was not prepared for this part of the w/d - in fact I feel like the last few weeks have been much worse than the month right after I finished the taper.

 

Anyway, I really appreciate the reassurance that this is normal and it will pass. That gives me some hope that things are going to get better and I really need to believe that is possible. Thank you so much.

[[Re...]]

Wow moving too?! You are a true superhero. I can't believe how much you are doing on top of wd. Any little thing you can say no to or delegate to someone else will benefit you. Keeping external stress as low as possible while your brain is healing is helpful. Hard to do when you have so many responsibilities. It's also normal for things to get worse before they get better, worse again, better again. Windows and waves can be crazy making and discouraging but just remember that's normal too. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job with coping tools like meditation. It's common for them to be less effective when things are at their worst but don't give up! It will eventually work again and the practice will make it even more effective in the end. Strength and healing to you! xoxo