Major wave.... can't cope

[[Sl...]]

I've been in a serious wave today that I woke up with and feels like it's not going away. I've just been crying and perseverating. Does anybody else do that where you just go over and over all the bad things in your life?  you feel hopeless and feel like there's no way out.

 

Why should I continue suffering....

[[Ho...]]

 

you should continue because YOU WILL HEAL.

 

You are not alone in this. I understand it all. It is torture. But YOU WILL HEAL. Other options just set us up for more suffering down the line. We want true healing.

[[Sl...]]

Hopeinhim,

Thank you so much for your reply. I can't crawl out of this hole I'm in. I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

How long were you in the hospital? Prayers for us both ..🙏

[Guest [ha...]]

I understand...huge guilt for losses....can't care for myself or son...deep depression and nutty crying...anxiety from hell....sorry you are suffering

[[Ho...]]

I was in for 2 weeks where they put me on Paxil for this crazy physical anxiety and restlessness and nerve tingiling. I kept telling them daily that i do not have postpartum anxiety because this anxiety is completely different then anything i  have ever had. And it was patients in the anxiety clinic that said I looked like I had some sort of withdrawal. It has been hell looking for answers as this all started in January after getting off of Ativan and then I kept taking them here and there to try to deal with symptoms and probably kindled. It is still hard for me to believe that benzos did this and keep looking for other answers but I am super healthy on paper..have had SOOO many tests.

 

My 4 young children are waiting for their Mama to be able to  function and I just want God to give me the peace that there will be an end in sight.

 

You WILL get better...you know that Benzos did this to you so your prognosis is EXCELLENT if you can hold on.

 

Blessings and Prayers to You

[[Ho...]]

At least we all know we are not alone in this.... :'( :'( That someone in another part of the world understands our pain

[Guest [ha...]]

It's so hard to live this way :'(

[[Ho...]]

it is almost impossible....almost. We can do it. We have no choice. Our children are watching us and how we face challanges.

[[Sl...]]

Hopeinhim and hardtocope, it is helpful to know we're not alone... so thankful for the support🌼,

 

Hopeinhim,

Glad to hear you're healthy on paper! At least you know w certainty this is temporary. You sound strong and it's great to keep perspective bc of your kiddos!

Hardtocope,

I'm sorry to hear about your losses. Your son will be happy to have his momma back when you have healed. It is truly difficult to feel insane every morning! Not a good way to start the day.

 

Love and healing .... please come soon....

[[dr...]]

WE ARE coping.  I had suicidal depression for 2 years straight 24/7.  Lost job, friends, hobbies. No family contact, was hospitalized, shocked, restrained...etc....  My wife stayed by my side all the way and...  One day it lifted just enough...  I'm still severely depressed but alive and semi functioning and seeing tiny improvements.  I don't know how I ever made it this far but I am here as are all of you.  Keep fighting as hard as you can for as long as you need to and you WILL heal.  You, the strongest and bravest people I know deserve the BEST.  All the best for the years to come.

DB

[Guest [ha...]]

Thank you all...you are inspiring to me...I pray to see this through...thanks for the thread sleeplessshell

[[Ca...]]

Oh God yes, many days of doubts I'd get just through another day - has been a freaking nightmare - no kidding around. 13 mo. into it now - still having waves of extreme depression, anxiety and that burning sensation inside my head. I'm hoping I haven't lost the ability to play music or carry a trane of thought - anything that requires coordination or focus.

[[Sl...]]

Catt02,

How do you get thru it? I don't think I can do this for several more months. This wave is a reoccurrence of what I had in the beginning. Intolerable

[[Sl...]]

Thank you all...you are inspiring to me...I pray to see this through...thanks for the thread sleeplessshell

Thanks for your input hardtocope🌼

[Guest [ha...]]

You're welcome; what's cruel is that this takes so long and every day, for me at least, is hell....hard to find things to do with minimal brain functioning and depressive mood/hysteria...

[[Ca...]]

 

Catt02,

How do you get thru it? I don't think I can do this for several more months. This wave is a reoccurrence of what I had in the beginning. Intolerable

One thing is - I knew I could never go back on it - that would never be an option. The other thing really is the support on here. Then trying to hang in there for my wife - she found me unconscious after I OD'd - taking the wrong stuff. Within a month of getting out of the hospital, I stopped - no idea what was ahead. About 5 mo. into it I noticed it was getting worse and was worried what was wrong with me. Was then I found BB online and it all made sense. I would say the worst part of it is those guilt feelings about who knows what - it's those intrusive thoughts that would throw these daggers of judgement at me that I could not avoid - real as they seemed. I remember someone said on here - it's like it pushes you into suicide and so it seems at times, at least in my case. Stress can really bring it on and I've had to step back from everything that might bring it on - just so I could recuperate and allow the healing process to run its course. Just now starting to see a flicker of light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. If you can - stay quiet and out of the reach of stress, consider that it's only a matter of time, that those intrusive thoughts about you are not true and stay with us here - it could help a great deal! Love/Peace . . .

[[Sl...]]

 

Catt02,

How do you get thru it? I don't think I can do this for several more months. This wave is a reoccurrence of what I had in the beginning. Intolerable

One thing is - I knew I could never go back on it - that would never be an option. The other thing really is the support on here. Then trying to hang in there for my wife - she found me unconscious after I OD'd - taking the wrong stuff. Within a month of getting out of the hospital, I stopped - no idea what was ahead. About 5 mo. into it I noticed it was getting worse and was worried what was wrong with me. Was then I found BB online and it all made sense. I would say the worst part of it is those guilt feelings about who knows what - it's those intrusive thoughts that would throw these daggers of judgement at me that I could not avoid - real as they seemed. I remember someone said on here - it's like it pushes you into suicide and so it seems at times, at least in my case. Stress can really bring it on and I've had to step back from everything that might bring it on - just so I could recuperate and allow the healing process to run its course. Just now starting to see a flicker of light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. If you can - stay quiet and out of the reach of stress, consider that it's only a matter of time, that those intrusive thoughts about you are not true and stay with us here - it could help a great deal! Love/Peace . . .

Catt,

Great advice. I’m happy you are seeing a flicker of light! How long have  u stepped back?

I’d love to be able to step back, I’m overwhelmed w so many big things... and I struggle just managing the dishes. Need to find internal strength. I’m so thankful for BB... everyone really has been supportive... so thankful.

Thank u for your support and advice

 

 

[[4G...]]

I know exactly what you all mean. Have been like this for seven years now. Most of that time I didn't know what was wrong with me.

 

A couple of weeks ago I was lucky enough to have a window. Felt as near to normal as I could. But then I started to feel myself slipping into a wave and my boyfriend's parents came to stay for a couple of days. That made it barely tolerable. Thank God they aren't here now. But the stress has made me feel so bad and I can't help wondering how I can carry on, though somehow I always do....

[[Sl...]]

I know exactly what you all mean. Have been like this for seven years now. Most of that time I didn't know what was wrong with me.

 

A couple of weeks ago I was lucky enough to have a window. Felt as near to normal as I could. But then I started to feel myself slipping into a wave and my boyfriend's parents came to stay for a couple of days. That made it barely tolerable. Thank God they aren't here now. But the stress has made me feel so bad and I can't help wondering how I can carry on, though somehow I always do....

4Gilly,

 

How have you done it for so long?? You are an incredibly strong person!!!

[[Ca...]]

OMG yes - it's precisely as you stated. So sorry for what you are going through - we are really pulling for you . . . Peace.