The view from later

[[mo...]]

I haven't been on here in quite a while, but I just wanted to throw a little hope out there.  I don't feel like I should quite post in the "Success Stories" section yet, but I do want to add my voice to the chorus of those saying that the benzo madness can get better with time. I'm a little over two years out now, and though I still have symptoms to contend with, I feel MUCH better than I did in the first year, the first 18 months.

 

So many of my symptoms have drastically lessened or completely gone away (at least at this point). If you're in wd and you feel like a robot programmed to suffer, just know that your whole body is working hard to restore balance.  You are going through one of the most difficult experiences life offers, and just please know that you're not alone in this - many are walking this path with you, many have walked it before. Even though we should all attempt to be more present, I think distraction is a virtue in acute benzo withdrawal. Distract yourself as much as you can, with positive input. Drink lots of water. Epsom salt baths. You will feel less terrible in time. Notice the things that are getting better, even if they're small. Imagine every day that you survive as a deposit in your system that helps it heal. It does add up.

 

The main symptoms I'm still dealing with: Tinnitus, head pressure (not a lot), a weird pain/anxiety(cortisol?) phenomenon that happens when I first fall asleep (a surge of pain and physical panic that wakes me up, sometimes multiple times), occasional joint stiffness (absolutely nowhere near as bad as it was). I've always had issues with depression-anxiety-fatigue, so I can't tell how much of what I'm experiencing is my "normal" and what is affected by withdrawal. EXCEPT that the wd-related acute anxiety was way beyond anything I'd felt before (and I've had pretty bad anxiety), and that level of anxiety is not happening anymore, thank God.

 

The symptoms that disappeared: An insane laundry list of almost every symptom under the sun, from benzo belly to heart pain/palpitations (I had multiple tests for heart stuff that all came back clear), burning pain, vision problems, intense depersonalization, dizziness, insomnia, back muscles so stiff that I couldn't bend over at the waist, joints so stiff that I had to hobble my way across a room, intense head pressure that nearly drove me crazy.... and these are just a few. All this stuff went away or became a mild version of itself. So just know that there's hope. Keep reading the success stories, they are not a lie! Time is your best friend, keep depositing days in the bank. <3

[[mo...]]

Oh, and I forgot cog fog (as something I'm still dealing with), because of course I did.    But even that is better than it was.

[[vi...]]

Thank you moonbow. It's great that came back to give us hope, we need it more than I ever imagined. Did you have any ear symptoms?

[[Ma...]]

Thanks for the hope moonbow! Wonderful post, and well told. Did you deal with obsessive/intrusive thoughts early on?

[[Kr...]]

Thanks Moonbow!! I'm 16 months and many symptoms gone but I still have waves that are enough to make me panic about the nature and length of my withdrawal!!

[[...]]

This was so nice to read!  Thank you ❤️

[[Th...]]

Great post! Thank you very much moonbow! T.

[[Co...]]

This is wonderful to read - thanks for coming back.  I hope everything else resolves soon.  I'm sure it will as it all sounds withdrawal-related, especially that awful waking up.  Good luck to you.  :smitten:

[[ne...]]

Beautiful post, moonbow! Thank you!

[[Vi...]]

Beautiful post! Thank you for coming back and let us know it is going to get better.

16.5 months and still suffering greatly every day.

Wishing continues healing for you and looking forward to your success story!

Love and healing

Vica

[[Bu...]]

Thank you moonbow and hope you keep feeling better and better 

[[mo...]]

Thanks for all your kind responses! I'm glad if my update helps anyone. <3

 

virek, I do have ear symptoms - tinnitus and ear pressure. Both persistent, although improving. At least the pressure has improved a lot so that I'm not always feeling like I'm underwater and my ears are popping. The tinnitus is hanging on although it's overall improved. It seems to flare into worse ringing when I eat or drink something that triggers my system, but I haven't totally figured out what foods cause that yet. I've heard that tinnitus can be one of the last things to fade away, but I have heard people recover, so I'm holding onto that hope. Wishing you well with whatever your ear symptoms are!

 

Markidee, yes, I did have a lot of intrusive and obsessive thoughts during tapering and acute withdrawal. I obsessed a lot about death and I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about the past and also intrusive violent thoughts, which were pretty scary. That whole period was crazy, I just had to take things minute-by-minute sometimes. It kind of felt like my brain was having a tantrum and I had no control. That stuff is gone now, it definitely passed - so many people on here go through that phase, and it's not fun. I hope you will pass through to the other side of it very soon, just keep breathing and distracting, and talk to someone if you need to.

 

Kristina, ah, I'm sorry! It's terrible when things flare up. I remember having some bad waves around that point. As you keep going, the waves get less frequent, I think. You've come so far! I think I saw a lot of healing in the 18-24 month range, so hold on. Wishing you the best!

 

 

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Thank you Moonbow for your positive post. The good news you send is that we do heal; the bad news is that it takes so long. I'm three years from tolerance withdrawal and a slow taper, and three months past jumping, and I'm still in hell. I don't want to wait another year or more! I can really relate to what you said about your brain having a tantrum. I often feel that way, like I'm losing my mind. Plus many other physical and mental and emotional sx. The nightmares are still horrific, with trauma lasting for many hours afterward. I can't imagine having my life back. I know I will never be the same, never forgive friends and family who abandoned me, never regain any confidence and enthusiasm. I'm glad you have healed, and hope your future is bright.

 

MirandaJane